I'm a rare commenter but long term lurker looking for objective perspectives.
I'm in a book club, have been for four years. One of the women (D) is estranged from her mother and her son with few friends. She's been very ill recently and the group has been rallying round. I've walked her dogs, taken her shopping, cooked her meals I've dropped off, accompanied her to a hospital appointment which took 3.5 hours on a work day (where she listed me as her emergency contact). She thanked me but no other recompense (not that I expected or would have accepted it). Then, in a group WhatsApp chat about preparing for a bookclub meet, she made several jibes about veganism (I've turned vegan recently after being veggie for 35 years). I'd said I was happy to bring stuff if she found it difficult and she made stupid comments about not understanding why vegans wanted food to look like meat and that vegan cheese was disgusting. I was very annoyed. One of the others messaged me privately to say D's messages had made her uncomfortable. I drafted a polite message which I sent privately:
Hi D, I just wanted to say that I felt quite hurt and pissed off after your constant jibes about veganism the other night. I'm sure you didn't mean it to come across that way but I found it really rude and insulting to the point that I haven't decided if I'm going to come on Tuesday. I think I've been quite a supportive friend over the last few months and it feels like a real kick for my friendship to be reciprocated in that way. I don't like keeping quiet so wanted to get it out there. Lx
That was 9th November. No further contact until today when she messaged to say she thought we should meet up to sort things out because they had escalated. I replied that if I'd have had an acknowledgment to my message (ideally an apology), there would be no issue but that the lack of response has exacerbated how I felt.
D responded that she's had bigger issues to deal with and she was also pissed off with me. I assume this was that I'd raised the concern at all - I genuinely have done nothing but support her. She has had a tough time (hence the support!) but I have gone out of my way to support someone who, whilst a friend, is not a close one, whilst running a business, raising two children (one with complex health needs) and dealing with other commitments.
I don't think I've done anything wrong here and I've had a tough time lately which has meant her response today has really upset me. Seriously, am I wrong for raising what I did?