To feel I’ll never conquer my messiness?

id bloody love to tidy that all up. My own? Nah.

I was like this and still am to some extent. I just can’t keep things clean, when I was in my 20’s my room was constantly horrendous.

Things that helped me:

Getting a friend that would randomly pop round without much notice - meaning I had a reason to constantly keep on top of the mess (in case they were going to pop over).

I have one room which is my ‘messy room’. This room is allowed to get messy and I clean it once a week at a set time, same time every week. Other rooms cannot get too messy - if needs be I will move stuff from the clean rooms into the messy room ready to be tidied at the set time. Confining the mess to one room makes tidying it a lot less daunting.

Breaking things down into small tasks. If I have 15 mins before I need to sleep and still have some energy, I will put something on my phone and clean one bathroom or clean out the fridge, something small. Doing this even 2 times a week helps massively.

I also saw a tip on here that helps - everytime you leave a room, take something with you that doesn’t belong there. A tissue, a cup, a hairbrush. Just one thing and put it where it’s supposed to be.

Me too, starting now- 5:00 pm ❤️

This is absolutely me, and I really struggle. However the thing's I have found helps, is to be absolutely ruthless in throwing things away, I became a bit of a hoarder of clutter. The lounge must be tidy, and minimalistic or I get extremely overwhelmed. Medication has been a life saver for me, it's completely changed how I live, I still have to be aware of keeping on top of things but my thoughts feel more organised to then deal with organising

That's after you've decluttered right? 😉

Same.

The only thing that help are (1) taking ADHD meds and (2) rewarding myself every time I do some housework.

I suspect I have ADHD - I don’t live in chaos mainly due to a very tidy husband but my bedside table is definitely messier. Things that help me:

• Good storage - we bought a shoe rack to stop shoes cluttering up the hallway and now they have a place to go. We had a white box in our kitchen where we put the car keys, house keys etc so we know where they are.
• Do it now - don’t always succeed but putting away washing as soon as it’s ready to be put away.
• Just reducing the amount of stuff so selling books that I won’t read again, sorting toddler’s clothes out and donating things she’s outgrown etc.

@HoppityBunI love that!
Cheered me no end.

I know it’s not the recommended way to go about things but this time I have challenged myself to actually sell everything I possibly can.
My brain enjoys targets even when rather pointless.
I also dislike waste to irrational levels (especially given I need to stop buying more)

Trying the World of Books app for the first time which is great so far and steady stream uploading to Vinted.

That’s nothing. You can see the floor.

You have to get your GP to refer you to a psychiatrist. They are inundated with requests like this now and there is an extraordinary long waiting list, even for private diagnoses. If you’re diagnosed privately, as I was, you still have to have an NHS diagnosis to go on NHS medication. After that, you have to titrate the medication and get it to the right levels for you.

there are people who are naturally tidy and for whom it comes as no great effort, which obviously seems bizarre to us. In , I know one person who actively likes clearing up other peoples mess. If you can find a good friend or acquaintance or someone locally who can help you that does make a world of difference

Master bedroom disaster for accountability.

If anybody would like to PM me with a view to setting up a group or even just a support phone call or video call, I’d be more than happy for that.

Support from people who are in the same situation matters a lot and even having someone on a call while you do some of the tasks that need to be done can help.

If you look on Instagram, there is a useful poster who post something along the lines of “my ADHD adventure” and there are some good points there. Although I am diagnosed, this was with a private psychiatrist and I am not on medication and I will not be going on medication, for several reasons.

This is an enduring and deep seated problem for me and the OP could almost have been me. It understandably strikes occurred with other people, too.

Best wishes

I have found my tribe. Mid 40s, awaiting ADHD assessment via GP and Right to Choose, as would like to try medication and have heard this is the best route (private is quicker, and obviously you pay for it, but accessing meds at an affordable cost can be more challenging in my area). Current wait list for assessments is around 12 months where I live.

I really like Remi Clog's decluttering and cleaning videos. She's from a family of ND people and is so knowledgeable, kind and relatable (and British).

Having a cleaner come for 2hrs every week has been the biggest help with regards to my household mess (she just does downstairs) and therefore mental health.

Some great tips on here! I'm up for a January Declutter Solidarity Thread! (I need to tackle all the units full of shite in the living room before the decorators come first week of Feb!).

Are GPs the best way to get a diagnosis?

Do you have a specific home for every single thing you own? I’m diagnosed adhd and this (and the meds) helped me so much. So I know where something should be even if it’s not currently in its proper place. This means when I do tidy I don’t waste time thinking “where would I put this” and simply moving clutter from one space to another.

so I’d one bottle opener that lives in slot x in my cutlery drawer. Or in the “big utensils and bottle opener” drawer.
inhave one hairbrush upstairs by my hair drier, one on the mantelpiece by the door, and one in my car.

My house is a bit of a tip. I honestly don't really notice it most of the time. I did a tidy up for Christmas, and I see a huge difference, but as the mess builds up I don't really see it. Untidiness doesn't bother me, as long as it's clean.

Get a diagnosis and get on the Tyvanse. Best thing ever.

I would love to join you op and could have written your post.
De-christmassing today! 🙌

I could have written this myself quite easily. I have tried so many times to get this under control. Just so you feel less alone, I'm sat next to a side table (a really small one) which currently holds, my cup of tea, two mismatched wine glasses, from different meals, a bottle of Baileys from NYE, a banana skin, a champagne cork and cage, a packet of jaffa cakes, some deodorant, a nit spray, some homemade jam which was a gift, and Marshall in his fire truck.Until I properly looked, it was pretty much invisible to me.

I am a well respected professional, and I absolutely live in fear of anyone finding out what my house is like. I've desperately tried to get it sorted for my children, but them coming along just added to the mess (and the masses of stuff!!).

I suspect that I have ADHD, although any time I've mentioned this to my family, it's laughed off as I'm too lazy for that.

I really really recommend listening to A slob comes clean podcast with Dana K White. It makes me feel so much less alone, because honestly, I really thought this was just a me issue. I've been listening for a while, and it really helps me. But I think to me, her process of starting with just your dishes feels like it's too easy. And it's not a quick fix. And so I never really give it a proper shot.

I'm determined that this year will be different, but quite honestly, I expect to be saying the exact same thing next year.

I’ve worked out that the more full, busy and or chaotic my life, the less able I am to keep my house tidy. It’s like I only have so much brain capacity to deal with stuff, and tidyness/organisation isn’t as necessary as getting meals on the table or kids to school. It’s not always time, it’s definitely the amount of thinking that is filling up my brain.

When my life is in a rush, my brain is in a rush - it’s more important to get out the door, than put something in its place, even if it’s only an extra arms reach away.
It feels rush, rush, rush - even when it’s not.

I think the only time I’ve been able to be tidy and organised was pre children and post them moving out.

Living on my own has been bliss, but I’ve had a busy Xmas and new year, and tidiness has gone out the window.

I am much the same and also on a list for ADHD diagnoses -

I'm about 10 years older than you and it has got better in the last 10 years.

Things that made a difference

Get a cleaner (you will never regret this and you will wonder why the fuck you didn't do it earlier)

Gradually reduce your stuff as much as you can - have a bin by the door for stuff to go (this is key, most of us have way too much shit)

Get open storage - shoes into baskets etc - it's much easier to tidy if you just chuck something in rather than put it away. Keep storage max 70% full

Tidy in short bursts - don't say I'm going to tidy the kitchen this morning - say I'm going to tidy for 20 mins, set the timer, and when you're done you're done.

Automate your systems as much as you can - eg dishwasher goes off after dinner, and unloaded before breakfast etc

Meds can be helpful but they aren't going to change your entire personality

Yeah I am the same but I live alone and don’t invite anyone round!

I'm awaiting assessment for adhd and asd. In no particular order the following has helped:

• I read Marie Kondos life changing magic of tidying. It really helped to get on top of decluttering.
• don't start decluttering until you have an exit strategy. So do you have big bin bags? Can you take the clothes to the nearest recycling point without too much fuss.
• are there any car boot sales coming up? That motivated me to a rather large extent.
• a cleaner slows the build up of stuff because you have to tidy for her
• the organised mum really does help with the little and often approach
• we have laundry baskets in the bedrooms and by the bathroom.
• I sort the washing by person (though all our pants and socks are washed separately
• one load of washing a day, and put the dry stuff away one load at a time is a lot less overwhelming