Little bit pissed off with ‘friends’ over Christmas

You shouldn’t give to receive.

I have enough of a mental load buying for the people I have to buy for I do not need to be adding to that list because someone has randomly decided to start sending me presents. That’s on them to do and as long as I say thank you there shouldn’t be anything else expected.

Yanbu to not send them a present/card next year -a text or pretty message nicked off Facebook with "merry Xmas " on and keeping it touch does far more. Its a £6 present. Think is your friendship worth more than a falling out over a £6 candle?! They may be skint /overwhelmed/overstretched it is an expensive and busy time of year life is too short.

Have you heard the following sayings:

You don't give to receive

' when I next in London I was gonna arrange to meet up for lunch but am in two minds now '

so now
you are cutting to cut off your nose to spite your face

and

' we don’t send cards cos stamps overpriced etc '
but you sent gifts ?!!! surely that was even more postage / delivery costs...

I’m sorry but I think that’s really silly. They were both grateful and thanked you for the presents. It won’t have crossed their minds to send you one in the post if this is something you’ve never done as a group before. To now not want to arrange meeting up with them is daft. Anyway, one of them (or both!) might offer to buy your lunch to reciprocate the unexpected gift you sent them!

I'm afraid I'm strongly in the camp of presents do not make Christmas better - in an ideal world I'd only do presents for my very young children and i would prefer to receive none. Christmas is a time for everyone to take a break and families/friends to enjoy each others company - not to give lots of gifts that will often get regifted/thrown away/stuff at the bottom of a cupboard. We all have too much stuff already.

You don’t give to receive OP!

I think you’re being unreasonable as the gifts were unexpected and you shouldn’t give to receive.

My older sister did this to me. For 18 years I had bought her, her DH and children nice presents. When I had DC she told me she didn’t buy adult presents anymore, just token child presents. When her GC arrived we were told what we could buy. I’m quite a generous person and did buy … but when my other sibling also had GC they agreed to stop buying presents. DSis forgot to tell me to stop buying and was quite upset when I stopped buying her GC presents.

Honestly, I think you are being a bit childish about this.

From your posts it isn't the norm for you to exchange gifts so they haven't done anything wrong.

They could flip it round and say if their friendship meant that much you would have made the effort to meet up.

I am seeing a friend this weekend who I actually can't remember the last time we saw each other. Didn't do cards or gifts for Christmas. She is a very close friend, was my bridesmaid last year etc. But part of being an adult is understanding thay life gets in the way and you don't have to live in each other's pockets to be friends

You’re being ridiculous and throwing your toys out the pram over a token gift no one expected or even wanted
Most people have cut back on cards and pointless token gifts over the years - if you’re prepared to lose friends over something so petty then they’ve dodged a bullet

Honestly @bigsisteriswatchingyou you are coming across as petty and extremely immature.

If you want to give up on these friendships because of this, you are unbelievably stupid

Christmas is not about making sure you receive like for like £6 gifts for friends you are not even seeing. I have a group of friends, sometimes we get gifts, sometimes we don't. This year I didn't get gifts for anyone but I did receive some. They know I have been super busy. They aren't going to break off our friendship because of this.

Also this year I didn't send cards to anyone

Thank goodness I am not friends with you

I would rather Christmas be about ‘a few meaningless text messages’ ( BTW, I don’t send meaningless text messages, if I send a message it’s because I have something to say to the person), than sending some one a token gift that they probably don’t want, that will end up in the charity shop pile or in the next school raffle. And then give them an extra job in an obligation to send me a token gift back. They said thank you. If you are daft enough to loose friends over this, that’s on you.

If the gifts were unexpected and it’s not usual for your friendship group why would they have thought to send presents to you? It would be too late by the time they received theirs wouldn’t it?

Just don’t do it next year, as obviously they don’t want to do it.

Christmas is different things to different people. It sounds like previously Christmas with you and these friends was a Christmas catch up. Sounds great. I would also value that. I wouldn’t think to substitute it for a gift but if one of my friends did then I would thank them.

I understand that you are disappointed that they did not reciprocate but that’s the way life is sometimes. Why didn’t the usual get together happen? To me that’s more the issue. Be disappointed for a few days but I wouldn’t let it spoil the overall friendship

I don’t give to receive and that’s what I’ve taught my children too

Don’t take it personally, it’s a busy and expensive time and most people want less to buy not more.

If I was on card only terms with people, it would never cross my mind to send them gifts in the post. You changed the T&Cs here OP without consultation, so this is not their fault.
They might well buy for you next year though, and then you'll be on the backfoot if you haven't bought for them. You'll have to take a couple of gifts, hide them in your bag and only give them if they go first.
Or just give gifts because you want to with no thought of getting one back.

This lament fits very badly with thinking about not meeting up with them as planned, though.

It was a nice gesture from you but you’ve gone above and beyond the usual since the group doesn’t normally do gifts. They said thank you so I don’t really get what they’ve supposedly done wrong and frankly it’s insane you’re willing to let a friendship go over a cheap bath set… By all means don’t get them a present next year but seriously let it go.

How is a text message meaningless but a generic cheap smelly gift in the post isn’t?

Your friends were surprised by your lovely gift, it wasn't prearranged and agreed upon so you are being unreasonable to grump over no immediate return, perhaps they will bring something for you at your next lunch? Can you not find some joy in the fact you made them happy with a surprise?

You never normally send presents, so I think you’re being harsh moaning that you didn’t get anything. We didn’t do cards this year either, just feels a waste of time. Only bought them for parents and even the card shop seemed quieter than usual. If they’re otherwise good friends then I think you’re being very shallow. A £6 smelly gift is hardly an amazing gift TBH.