Little bit pissed off with ‘friends’ over Christmas

I also can’t believe your use of ‘friends’ in the thread title!! They have done nothing wrong. You surprised them by sending a gift, they thanked you politely. Are you always such a drama llama?

Do not look at gifting or friendships as transactional. Enjoy your friendships.

Yes and they might feel embarrassed that they didn’t send anything so might give you something in person etc - but don’t give with expectations to receive, it’s really odd! I love giving presents but I don’t keep a tally of who bought me one back 🤣

A card is no more meaningful than a WhatsApp message.

I joined a new team at work this year. My main team agreed several years ago not to do gifts but this team all exchange little gifts. I have come home with several unwanted tubes of handcream, unwanted lip salve, unwanted socks and an unwanted Xmas decoration. I love the team but I am not joining the exchange of unnecessary stuff.

I did however, love the messages we all exchanged over WhatsApp saying how much we all value one another and what a joy it has been working together this year.

Wow, you’re nice.

YABU - you don’t give to receive.

Giving should be done without conditions attached, the ‘reward’ for you is in the gesture and knowledge that you did an act of kindness for another.

They thanked you, what more do you expect for a token £6 gesture?

Just don’t bother again next year if it irks you that much to post about it. You don’t seem like a very humble friend.

Personally I would not appreciate the small smelly gift not a fortune £6 that you gave them out of the blue, when you’ve not exchanged gifts before.

It would already be in the charity shop bag,

No they used to meet up and then give each other a card, but not presents and not post a card.

Think it’s less about the gift it’s more op is reflecting on her friendships, which is quite common this time of year

Good to see you are taking on board other peoples thoughts.

I hope you to arrange to see your friends - good friends can be hard to come by and I’m sure this is just a mismatch of expectations. If they are there for you in tough times and for a laugh and chat otherwise then that’s the most important thing

I thought they had in the past?

But they never have in the past. OP just decided to start a new tradition this year, didn't tell anyone and is now pissed that they didn't do the same.

You changed the dynamic by sending a gift. They were not expecting one so wouldn't have thought to send one. I agree sending a card is expensive so I am more than happy with sending messages to my friends and for them to do the same. Sending a token gift is no more thoughtful than just sending a cheaper to post card, and in reality a card has no more meaning to it than a message (unless you go all out in a card and write something really detailed which you could just as easily do in a message). They have said thank you (despite maybe not appreciating the generic item you send - there are plenty of threads on here about unwanted gifts) so it would seem weird to now be cutting them off because they didn't read your mind to send a gift.

As opposed to the meaning of Christmas being encapsulated in £6 toiletries?

YABU to randomly decide to send gifts when you haven’t previously done so and then to be annoyed that your friends weren’t psychic and didn’t randomly decide to do the same.

It doesn’t necessarily follow that the response to the price of stamps increasing should be that people send gifts instead, so I do think it’s VU to expect that they would follow the same logic you applied to the situation.

They both thanked you, which seems like a perfectly reasonable reaction to your unexpected gifts.

Three weeks before Christmas I queued for 25 minutes in the post office in order to sent Christmas gifts to my friend, who I would normally have met up with in person but for circumstances out of both of our control couldn't happen.

There is not a chance in hell I'd have put myself through that for some token gifts.

I would feel a bit disappointed that they hadn’t thought to get you something if you all usually do each year. It is a bit hurtful OP.

It’s nice that you wanted to send something when you didn’t get to meet up. But that’s a nice gesture, not something that you had an obligation to do and not something they had any obligation to do either... sure a card would have been nice but perhaps they didn’t send cards in general this year. People are moved to kind gestures at different times and in different ways. I think if you show your feelings about this they could legitimately be a bit baffled. I would try to completely let this one go and not spoil the gifts…

You are being ridiculous. Gifting shouldn’t be transactional and the run up to Christmas can be very hectic, shops are packed etc. To rush out and buy, wrap, package and post an additional gift because someone has unexpectedly sent one to you isn’t always easy. Plus £6 “smellies” will probably end up being regifted anyway as most adults have their own routines of skin care, hair care etc. that they prefer.

If I had a friend who was considering not meeting for lunch over something as petty as this then I’d consider it a lucky escape.

I dont gift to receive. Therfore I think YABU.

You are making too much of this OP. Your gift was unexpected and they both thanked you - that should be enough.

I wouldn't send a token present through the post for any of my friends and, tbh, don't think I'd like the expectation receiving one would likely bring.
I also like to think I'd put myself out for friends and family when needed, regardless of what day of year it is 🤷‍♀️

You're the one that changed the rules without telling them and then expected them to rush out and reciprocate in some way, which is totally unfair. You don't seem to want to own that though