Little bit pissed off with ‘friends’ over Christmas

Forget it, if you feel this way don’t do it anymore. Life’s too short for all this present giving politics

But this explains it doesn't it? you dont normally get each others gifts and you agree that stamps are very expensive now so I am not sure why you are so angry about it? Your friends werent aware you were getting them gifts so why are you annoyed?

I dont send cards any more for similar reasons - I resent spending almost £2 on a stamp when post is always late. A text message to say happy Christmas is absolutely fine. I would actually be a bit annoyed if one of my friends randomly sent me a gift when I had not got them anything and we hadn't discussed it. I find Christmas stressful enough as it is without having to buy gifts for people whom I dont normally exchange gifts with

So they had no idea you were sending anything?
If they knew beforehand they could have reciprocated or said not to bother, possibly suggesting you’ll all have lunch together instead another time.

You’ve made a usual ‘hand delivered’ card at a Christmas lunch into a big faff of buying and posting a present; something that they could possibly do without getting into.

That sounds like a rather rash response, for the sake of £12-£15, and two close friendships

I’d just forget about it, as it sounds like it wasn’t something you’d all agreed on prior, and it probably caught them both a bit off guard

Organise the lunch, you’ll all enjoy that far more than a gesture gift

You’re putting expectations on your friends when they weren’t expecting it, you made the decision to buy gifts as you weren’t spending the money on stamps. They aren’t mind readers. As other people said we don’t give to receive if someone happens to give you something that’s a bonus. Personally I don’t go in for gifts. I think it’s a waste of money or waste of time unless there was literally something I thought was going to be the exact thing the person would love to receive otherwise it’s just for the sake of it, it’s bad for the planet and it’s bad for your pocket.

I don’t really want to add to my Christmas to-do list and cost by buying for my friends.

I would gratefully accept a present, of course, but I definitely don’t expect it or even want it, if I’m honest. I hate the buy-buy-buy side of Christmas.

I think it’s this as well. You sent a token gift which is lovely (doesn’t matter re cost) it’s the thought. You are feeling like it’s one sided and not as reciprocal

How old are you all op?

This. I have stopped sending cards. I still receive cards and do feel a little bad that I hadn’t sent them one too. But I’ve decided no more cards. It’s one extra thing to do on my very long Christmas list. I find Christmas a ca very stressful and difficult time.
My family stopped doing adult presents and just buys for the kids. Less and less people are sending cards and gifts. I wouldn’t let it offend you

This wouldn’t bother me. They likely will give you something when they see you or need to change the gift giving routine for one reason or another. Maybe Christmas gifts are a no no? Lots of people like to pair things down to simplify or reduce costs.

So you unilaterally decided to give them gifts - lovely - but then are annoyed they didn’t join in?!

Giving gifts is lovely. It lets people know you're thinking of them. However it is a choice and not mandatory and not transactional. Dont give to receive.

Things can change though. If it’s been one sided last year maybe it will stay the same (and you can decide that it’s not worth it) or it might change and be fairer (and the friendship continues). It’s not always going to be so transactional. You helped me here so I’ll help you. You provided emotional support for me so I will for you. These things happen for friends but they can be missed too. If someone has stuff (you mentioned a move and bereavement) then you would hope for some support, but sometimes you don’t always get it as your friend is going through stuff and busy and sometimes doesn’t realise you’ve got stuff you’re dealing with (if you don’t tell them or don’t tell them the severity or impact). You don’t always know what friends are dealing with. Other people might be going through a lot of stuff but don’t want to put that on others as a burden or don’t or can’t share emotional stuff (no energy to share or talk if feeling depressed etc). It depends how close the friendship is, what the friendship is like and the individuals involved and how they deal with things in life. So it’s give and take. Sometimes you give more sometimes they do. If it was one directional this year then see if it was a one-off (and more balanced in the future) or they may not have realised that you had more stuff on and needed more support. It could be that the friendship has changed too. Presumably they’ve both stayed in the area and you’ve moved. If it’s always one directional that’s different. You would need to assess the relationship. Some people always take and are selfish and are not worth it. Only you can know this. I wouldn’t be so harsh though.

Aside from the whole distaste at the notion of giving to receive, it doesn't seem like like you arranged to swap presents as you weren't meeting over Xmas and clearly you were the only one of the friendship group to consider sending gifts a necessity so, well, your mistake hun.

Seems like you're looking to take offence and, frankly, you sound like hard work.

If you're really prepared to end 2 friendships over this then that's truly ridiculous.

I'd also like to add that your whole 'I think you put yourself out for people' narrative is great if you actually have the time to do it but many of us literally don't. I have friends whose families don't buy gifts and who eat out on Xmas day - this is a whole world away from my literally mental Xmas period of extended hosting and generally slaving for the whole extended family to the point of exhaustion.

If any of my friends suggested I wasn't good enough for them because I didn't stretch myself even thinner for them over the Xmas I'd tell them to feck right off, and mean it.

Thank fuck I have better friends than that.

I’m really sorry that you lost someone OP but it was also a situation (however sad) in your life that meant you couldn’t do the usual meet up.

Your friends probably would’ve still been happy to do the usual thing if it weren’t for this.

As your recent bereavement shows, life is too short. Maybe you’re a bit emotional due to grief but Christmas should be a time to appreciate your friends and family so try and get over it. It is REALLY not a big deal.

Oh I would not like to receive a present. Then I have to get you one which redistributes my money I need on something else as it’s not been planned for. It’s an extra thing to add to the mental load already on us in December - to me it’s not needed. They did nothing wrong. I would actually say you kind of did. Especially expecting something back. Your spending their money almost 😅 a card is perfectly fine if that’s what you want to send

It’s a nice thing you did. But me and my two friends of 20 years are random with gifts when we give and don’t give and it’s fine. It’s evened out I think and if it didn’t we would just take the hint and stop giving. Same with Xmas cards - I don’t mind continuing to send even though they don’t anymore as they do other nice things and they just don’t send them (this year I would have had to buy more stamps for theirs so I skipped it but may not in future, especially if I was seeing in person).
do you always send a gift so they would have expected one? If you did I’d probably send a small gift or try to hint not to but you can always just stop but without feeling hard done by.

A gift shouldn’t flatter the giver as the saying goes.

It wasn't overwhelming at all. Just mildly irritating coming home with little gifts that I didn't want or need. Waste of money, waste of plastic and so much less meaningful than the WhatsApp saying "Thanks for all you've done. Love having you as part of our team"

As you only usually swap cards when you meet up, I don't think they would have assumed not meeting to swap cards would now mean gifts. It would just mean no cards this year. If you wanted to do gifts maybe you should have discussed the idea 1st if you wanted to be receiving too.

Many now opt out of cards. I stopped friend cards over 10 years ago, I exchange presents with 1 friend as that was what we did even when we did send cards, not in place of it. Now cards are only bought for the closest elderly relatives as many younger just don't care.

Gifts and cards don't symbolise your friendship. The meet ups and time together does. Don't walk away from that over a £6 gift. Just learn that isn't what they want to get in to. Doesn't mean they don't value your friendship, or they wouldn't walk to spend £ on your shared meals

It's no big deal either way, is it? If I manage to arrange a pre-Christmas meet up with friends, I usually give them some token gift, and they do the same. If not, we don't bother. One of them has form for sending small unbirthday gifts, which I used to find uncomfortable, but I now accept as something that makes her feel good, so I thank her and try not to feel pressured into reciprocating on the spot when I haven't budgeted for it. It's really nothing to spoil a friendship over.

Postage costs so much it seems daft to send small presents unless you are seeing friends. I wouldn’t bother.

No Op , I’m struggling with life at the moment financially/mentally. I don’t care about cards and gifts I also don’t want to receive something I can not reciprocate.. in fact it stresses me out more . They thanked you maybe that’s all they could give

This is cutting off your nose to spite your face. You’re going to miss out on meeting up with your friends (which presumably you usually enjoy) just because they didn’t send you a Christmas card. You’re being ridiculous.