Little bit pissed off with ‘friends’ over Christmas

Don’t give to receive or may as well just all agree to buy yourselves something?

I would feel so awkward if a friend posted me a gift, I certainly wouldn't assume it was happening and have organized sending them one. I haven't exchange gifts with friends and haven't since my teens. I don't send cards either, waste of time, environmental resources and money and serve zero purpose (people online love to make out their grabbiness is all about 'just' a card but lets be honest no one cares about a cheap multipack card that simply says 'love Debra, Norman and Family x' and your not going to treasure it forever).

I got a random token gift this year off someone new in our lives, it was so unexpected and left us scrambling to get them something and was really just a last minute stress more than anything.

My 2p's worth: If you do/give things for/to people they haven't asked for, you should only do it if it gives you personal pleasure to do so, as if you approach it with expectations of appreciation or reciprocity you're setting yourself up for either forced acknowledgement or disappointment.

Gosh it's friendship not tit for tat. I never send cards now, they're bad for the environment and pointless now we all chat permanently online to one another/via phones and text. If I see something for a friend I will gift it, not because I want anything back, but because it made me think of them or i thought they would like it. If I don't, I won't. Sometimes friends give to me sometimes (normally) they don't. I think nothing of it. Just like sometimes they forget my birthday and vice versa. People get busy they're not going out of their way to spite you. If you want to see them, arrange to see them because they're your friends. If you don't like them/don't want to see them then don't. It shouldn't be contingent on them buying you shit! If you feel strongly about it, don't put yourself in that position by buying something and not checking what they're doing first. A simple "shall we not do gifts this year" message is easier than you getting stroppy that you've spent 12 whole pounds and not seen the value returned.

They exchanging of gifts as we know it is a modern marketing thing. For pagans Xmas is about the solstice thing light, and for Christians is about the baby Jesus etc, and in the very olden days the romans etc celebrated various things over this time of the year. So if the meaning of Xmas for you is ‘gifting’, then good luck with that, but don’t expect everybody to do the same. Maybe for your friends it’s about the being there spiritually for each other in troubled and happy times, not for a £6 hand cream.

If you feel that you should have got a gift back then don't send anything next year. You dont give to get. As for the cards ! I don't send cards out that require postage.I stopped 4 years ago. Instead we choose 2 or three charities each year and give them each a donation instead of using £50 or £60 in stamps.We put a general Christmas Greeting on F.B./ Whatsapp. Maybe your friends are doing this.

This!

Me and my friends decide in advance if we are doing gifts, this is the first time we have in a couple of years due to weddings, buying houses etc. If its not discussed in advance next Christmas don't buy for them.

Absolutely agree. Let’s all waste money on buying token cheap tat no one wants or needs and clogging up our recycling bags with more cards.

Not my idea of Christmas cheer

Actually, spending even more money on material cheaply made items we dont want or need in times when people are in stress with debt and the rising cost of living is, to me, the absolute opposite of what Christmas is meant to be about 🤷‍♀️

Dont judge how much they value your friendship over this. Lots of my good friends don't "do" Xmas cards regularly (some do them some years and not others) and none of us would send each other gifts unless we were meeting up and had pre-agreed to it. Doesn't have anything to do with how much we value each other. I understand if you're feeling lonely/vulnerable, but don't build a huge narrative in your head about what this means when it doesn't mean that.

The only gift I send through the post is to my special person bc we don't see each other over Christmas as he's expected to go to his mum's. Even then I usually buy online and get it sent direct or it would never get sent. Executive dysfunction.

I wouldn’t want a gift that came with these strings and expectations, surely that just ruins the intention of sending them in the first place? They have thanked you so I don’t see a problem.

I think we should all start giving more presents and sending cards, think how miserable Christmas will be if it all stops. It’s not difficult to send or give a card and you don’t have to spend a lot on presents. It’s very sad to think people don’t care if not if we still have a traditional Christmas. 🎄

You are right about Christmas cards. We only get them from older people. Only a very few young people send them any more.

That’s definitely unreasonable. It’s petty to allow this little thing to impact your friendships. I wouldn’t think to buy friends a gift, usually people have enough on their minds and enough gifts to buy without having to remember, afford and send a little generic gift to a friend. If I were you I’d let it go and not send anything next year. Christmas is about memories and kindness rather than crappy little gifts that make people feel bad.

My husbands son visited for an hour, took his gift no card or anything for his father, won’t see him again, until he wants something or next xmas
pleased my grown family have manners and give freely their time as well as gifts
Other on not much better, pair of users imo

An unreciprocated small smelly isnt worth losing good company over. Let it go, just accept that you don’t do gifts with these friends and don’t do it next year.

Adult friends wouldn’t have expected a gift from you unless it was an old tradition, and they did say thank you. That’s more than enough, so many wouldn’t have acknowledged it.

If I were the recipient of one of your gifts I would probably do exactly the same as your friends did and send a thank you via WhatsApp. I certainly wouldn't reciprocate by sending you a gift, as that could set up an expectation of gifts in the future.
I would hope, by my lack of sending you a gift, that you would get the message that I'm not into gift giving and you wouldn't send me one the following year.

Near Christmas, just say you are restricting cards and presents and will be making a gift to charity. That way nobody gets upset.x

At least they thanked you for them. Unless you agreed in advance to do presents I'd have thought that was enough. They probably didn't expect you to do it (was kind of you though)

At least they thanked you.

I wouldn't lose your friendship over it. Meet up, they may bring a gift or buy you a glass of wine as a thanks, that's what I'd do for a friend who sent a gift I wasn't expecting. Even if they don't and you have a good time, nothing lost, just don't send anything next year.

Why do people give to expect back? That isn't in the spirit of giving! Did you arrange that you were all sending gifts this Christmas?
At least they thanked you. Just don't bother this year.

Cut gifts from next year op. I find it puts pressure on to buy back.. my friend and I both buy we both have plenty told her we stop it next year. She agrees