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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to feel resentful I’ve used my AL for childcare while DH saves his for child-free time?

407 replies

CrazyCatMom · 01/01/2026 18:02

I am absolutely knackered and so overstimulated I could scream.
Nursery is closed over Christmas, so I’ve had to book annual leave to care for my 21-month-old full time. I work in healthcare, so my job is already exhausting and emotionally draining, and this leave is meant to be precious recovery time… except it hasn’t been a break at all. It’s been relentless toddler care, no downtime, no switch-off.
Meanwhile my husband, who works in sport, has been at work every single day between Christmas and New Year. He’s deliberately saved his annual leave so he can take it later for child-free time.
What’s making this harder to swallow is that I’m the breadwinner. I earn roughly double his salary, cover the majority of the mortgage and bills, pay all of the nursery fees — and yet I’m also the one covering the bulk of the childcare, including taking annual leave when nursery is shut.
It feels like my annual leave is automatically assumed to be for childcare, while his is protected for rest and enjoyment. I know nursery closures aren’t his fault, but the imbalance feels really unfair, especially when I’m already carrying most of the financial load as well.
I’m resentful, touched-out and completely fed up with being the default parent who absorbs the impact of childcare logistics on top of everything else.
Not sure if this is an AIBU or just a vent, but I’m so tired of this dynamic and don’t know how to make it feel more equal.

OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 01/01/2026 18:10

How did it come about, though? You say it as if you didn't have a conversation about this, but presumably at some stage you must have co-ordinated so you'd know one of you was covering nursery being shut?

InfoSecInTheCity · 01/01/2026 18:10

What has he said when you’ve discussed this with him and made plans for future nursery closures?

Dh and I have a conversation at some point every year where we agree what school holidays we’re each able to cover, get our leave requests submitted and figure out what we’ll do about the holidays we can’t cover as don’t have enough leave.

Do you have a similar conversation or are you silently seething while giving no outward sign that there’s something he needs to address? It would of course be ideal if he spontaneously thought about holiday cover, but that apparently hasn’t happened so you need to tell him there’s a problem, how he responds will then tell you whether he cares or is a jerk.

AhBiscuits · 01/01/2026 18:10

Once the kid is at school you'll both need to use it all for childcare.

rubyslippers · 01/01/2026 18:08

You need the chat with your DH
the imbalance is striking and it can’t continue

JLou08 · 01/01/2026 18:08

Have you told him that he needs to take some leave for childcare? I'd say that you are unlikely to get the time off next Christmas so he should get some leave booked now.
Unfortunately, many people will do whatever they can get away with doing. You shouldn't have to tell him but of he isn't doing it anyway, that's the only solution. Tell him he needs to do more, give specific days/tasks that are his responsibility to manage. Eg- he needs to sort out nursery drop off and pick up every Monday and Wednesday, he needs to do the laundry every weekend.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 01/01/2026 18:08

It is really unfair. Does he see your point of view?

Billybagpuss · 01/01/2026 18:07

What has his reaction been when you’ve raised this with him?

yanbu to feel resentful but if you’ve quietly rolled over and got on with it that’s a different thing entirely