to feel resentful I’ve used my AL for childcare while DH saves his for child-free time?

The problem is YOU took the two weeks off.

The conversation is "I'm taking off one week, so which one are you taking off?"

If you were unhappy about this, why did you do it?

It's easy to say 'im only allowed one week off at Christmas this year'. How is he going to know differently.

Obviously it’s outrageously unfair.

if you don’t already, you will hate him soon. With good reason.

but as others have said, how does this even happen?

it’s difficult to advise, because ‘normal’ situations like this would be
‘we need to do one day each’
’ok, can I take Tuesday please’
‘sure, I’ll do Thursday’

ti advise you, how did you get in to this situation?

is the dc his too?

I think this is probably (unfortunately) quite common. Does he plan to use his annual leave for days to himself? I think men are so much better at finding slots for themselves - cycling, footie, fishing, agreeing to work are a few things I can think of.

Can you afford to drop a day a week? Perhaps he can look to increase his income to enable this?

When he is off he needs a big list of house stuff to do, paint a room, all nursery pick ups, a deep clean, all dinners cooked etc etc.

Time now to talk about it and say there needs to be an equal split, then.

What did he say when you sat down together to decide who was taking what AL to cover the nursery days?

If you didn’t have that chat, and you just booked your leave, YABU and you need to speak to him about it to arrange plans going forward.

If you did have the chat and he refused to take any to save it for his own time then YANBU.

This is crazy, unless there is a reason he has to work these weeks (work/job requirements)? As a PP said you both need to sit down with a calendar and plan it, especially as once they're in school you do have to be very organised around school hols/inset days etc

Well he won the male lottery, didn't he? A woman who does everything for him and financially supports the household as well.

Sadly, that makes you the biggest loser.

Work out all the days this year that childcare is needed. Half the number and tell dh he needs to book off those days to cover childcare

So he has lots if leave left do he can take time off when your child is ill then?
I somehow suspect though that that is also left to you to sort out.

Why did you take AL if your dp was off work?

I'd suggest you get used to sitting down together and planning out annual leave each year. Once they start school, it does take some planning to make sure the holidays are all covered. It's easier to get in to the habit now so it comes as less of a shock.

I tell my DH which weeks he needs to book off each year to cover the school / nursery holidays. I get slightly more annual leave so do a bit more than him and we each get 6 days left over to use whenever we want. Also, if you’re NHS, check your paid parental leave entitlement because you might be able to take a paid week of PL and keep a week of AL for yourself. But really you just need to spell it out to him and stop going along with the assumption you’ll cover the holidays.

Personally I’d leave the money aside as that is a separate issue in many ways. Whoever makes more or less, the default should be that house and childcare responsibilities are split unless there’s a reason to not. Given it’s the new year I’d sit down with a calendar of the year and tell him you will be working out how to split the nursery breaks so you both have an equal amount of responsibility. Don’t ask, just start out as it should have happened last year. Then write it all down.

This is assuming he’s oblivious and not deliberately cruel and self centred. If he is doing this on purpose he’s beyond help and you’d be better off splitting as you’ll just get angrier each time.

He is doing what you allow him to do. You tell him he has to take some responsibility for his child.
I would also be discussing the imbalance of finances. He has a good life because of you. He would get on my nerves, he sounds a lazy selfish sod at best, and a entitled user at worse.

YANBU at all to feel this is unfair. How did it come about? Was there a conversation or did you just see the closed dates and immediately book leave?
When our children's nursery is closed, for whatever reason, or the grandparent 1 day a week childcare is on holiday or otherwise off for some planned reason, DH and I sit down together and decide who will cover what. We very roughly take it in turns, but that will alter depending on work requirements at the time. I've done more when DH was starting a new role and he did more when I had a big unmissable project.
We do the same for the unexpected childcare when they're too ill to go to nursery.
I think you have to have a serious conversation where you start from the assumption that childcare is equal responsibility to cover. You/he are clearly both assuming it's your job to sort.

It is unfair. But (please hear me out) many single mothers have to bring up children on their own. Your child is "lucky" to have two parents, and obviously it is unfair that you are dealing with the child on your own. But if you leave (which may be an option), then you are definitely not getting extra help. Been there, done that - definitely significantly harder on my own. If you think you can manage on your own (being the higher earner) then tell him to bugger off and let him have every other weekend to be full time carer and at least you get 4 days a month to do what you want plus some child maintenance. I did this since my DC was 2 years old - wasn't easy but at least I knew what I had signed up for.

Ideally, you shouldn't have had to ask him how you were going to split the week off - he'd have offered. But when he didn't offer, did you ask?

Tell him things are changing and take the next 10 Saturdays or whatever for yourself:

Obviously this situation is completely unfair and untenable - but how did this come about? What discussions did you have before deciding to conceive, during the pregnancy and in the nearly two years since your child was born?

You need to put your foot down. You are the main breadwinner - you are not powerless. But be prepared to walk away.

Obviously the situation is wildly unbalanced, but I am honestly struggling to imagine how this has come about.

Why on earth wouldn't this be a discussion along the lines of "Nursery is closed for x days. How about I cover these days, and you cover these days? Does that work?"

Why did you have to book it off? What would have happened if you had said let's take 2 days each? We used a termtime preschool when the children were small so holiday has always been used for childcare not for personal time, although we did take the odd day here and there.

Why haven't you split the time between you?

This is going to breed resentment very very quickly .