to feel resentful I’ve used my AL for childcare while DH saves his for child-free time?

Presumably what you really wanted was family time, with him there too?
I think that is a good starting point.

If it is literally a shift system then you ask him to do his share of childcare days.

But if it is more about being in partnership together with your child on holidays I think that is a different discussion. Sharing time together and giving each other breaks in responsibility over the 24 hours (IE a nap, reading, a walk to park with someone helping with toddler adult company)

This is important to your child too.

It is unfair but you need to have a word with him about the dynamic and tell him to pull his finger out.

Blimey.

We always worked out an annual plan for covering nursery closures and school hols, reserving time for a family holiday and dividing out days to cover childcare.

Sort out a calendar and make it fair.

As of now, he owes you some weekend days!

Yes, it's shit, if he is not available, next year he needs to look out for a capable student, you can split the bill, they're usually free for Easter and other school breaks, my nieces both made extra money child minding throughout college.

Excellent point.
What a shame OP’s DH is not here to see it.

Christ no, not a two year old. They're damn hard work and utterly unreasonable.

How long does nursery shut over xmas? If its 6 days a/l you discuss what 3 days each you can book. The mistake you made was taking charge and booking it all off

So going forwards you need to discuss who is taking what leave for nursery close days. You can’t just assume he’ll take the off and he can’t assume you will either. You need to get to get the balance sorted as it will be worse when baby goes to school as there’s 13 weeks to cover between you then. What we do is sit down and go through all the holiday days we need to take and do a fair split.

YANBU. You need to explain this to your DH. My DH just announced he's booked all of next week off work. Meanwhile, I ration my holidays to ensure I'm about enough for the school holidays and book holiday club on the days I can't cover. I don't even take DH into account as he couldn't possibly think ahead, when of course we (as mothers) do it, even if we have the more demanding or better paid jobs.

This will only get harder once they start school and you have ~70 days to cover. Sit down with the calendar at the start of the year, plan who will take what days and when, plus when you’ll take family holiday together, and when you’ll take days for time as a couple and how you will split it when the child is sent home sick. Agree it, get it written down, repeat annually. Boring as hell, but has to be done. I suggest opening a nice bottle of something to make it less of a chore.

I’m so tired of this dynamic and don’t know how to make it feel more equal.

You don't want to make it feel more equal, you need to actually make it more equal.
If the nursery is closed for 10 days, you take 5 days off each.

If you end up divorcing he's likely to have to deal with a 50/50 split so why not get him used to it now?

Do you know what, sometimes no, it isn’t.

There are lovely moments but for a child this young (not even two) it’s intense as hell, they can do very little themselves so even a standard visit to a park or little soft play means you’re on the go constantly, they have the attention spans of gnats and at this time of year when it’s dark early, cold and rainy parenting very small children can be extremely challenging.

And before anyone is critical of me, I have dropped right down to just two days at work to spend time with my two year old and to ensure I can be there for my five year old before and after school. I put them first which is as it should be, but I’m not going to pretend it’s beautiful and wonderful all of the time because it isn’t.

I’ve voted YABU because you let it happen!

that's a pretty shit thing to say to someone.

But, FWIW, when i had 2 under 2, etc, i absolutely HATED it. I enjoyed nearly nothing about having children until they were about 5.

He's selfish/thoughtless not to offer to take some time off to cover the holidays, and to leave it all to you. But why, oh why, did you not discuss how much time off work each of you were going to take? Surely that's just basic communication? When you have kids, you sit down regularly and plan these things. Who will do pick up on what day, who will be able to cover any sickness etc.

Going forward, a discussion needs to be had regarding time off work, who covers what, how many days each of you have as childfree days off etc. If you both work full time, and have similar holiday entitlement, then you should be covering it 50/50. Who earns more shouldn't really be a consideration (unless one of you wants to go part time).

🤣🤣🤣🤣 brilliant . 🤣🤣🤣

Take the 4 weeks per year parental leave you are entitled to - it will be unpaid but you can adjust your contribution to the household budget to allow for it

True but then followed 25 years of exhaustion, martyrdom and resentment.

To be fair women who did raise this stuff in the past were labelled nags.

I’m sure that was an attempt to make the OP feel shit about working, but really you just came across as a bit of a dick.

Exactly my thoughts when I read the second post. "Solo parenting since Boxing Day", so a few days with one day off?

Is it not a pleasure anymore to look after your own child?

I can see why this is a problem, but I also don’t understand families that don’t act like families.. book the time off together and enjoy your time off as a family? Why have a child if there a burden that one has to “sacrifice” their annual leave to be with

She shouldn’t have to bring it up. Of course he should assume he has a role in parenting. But he clearly doesn’t.
My mum revealed over Christmas that she ‘nearly’ left my dad when my older sister was born because he did sweet FA when it came to childcare or housework. I asked why she didn’t tell him to step up and she said she shouldn’t have to ask. True but then followed 25 years of exhaustion, martyrdom and resentment.

Yes, agree with PP, what was his reaction when you talked to him about this?

What’s he going to do with his annual leave?