to feel resentful I’ve used my AL for childcare while DH saves his for child-free time?

You can be a martyr or you can be a manager.

First off, TALK TO HIM.
Don't assume.

You've got a kid, it needs to be a 50/50 input. Don't implore, don't assume; be crystal clear. Tell him xyz needs covering, as does sickness, holidays etc. Tell him your expectations - don't default to mum mode, but act like he is a colleague with equal responsibility.

Should he have stepped up?
Yes.
Is it unfair?
Well, you are doing it all anyway. Decide what you want him to do and then communicate. He's not a mind reader and he probably thinks you are happy with the status quo.

Get it sorted before school starts because that's a whole other ball game.

What is the point of your post?
To shame op for not enjoying soley looking after her toddler, you know those sometimes very unreasonable loud messy people that we love but are hard work?
How about she is the bread winner? Why is she also the default parent, why hasn't her lowly paid husband looked at his calendar and been proactive like a decent partner would be?

Stop using all your AL for childcare then. If you don’t and there is a gap, he will have to cover it.

Dh and I cover the school holidays about 50/50, even though he earns more than twice what I do. With a bit of holiday club, we both still have plenty of time to use for our leisure. I take at least one solo holiday every year, sometimes several, and never run out of AL. I also take days off for my hobbies, etc.

See this as lesson and start having conversations. Get into the good habits now otherwise by the time they are in school you will be trying to find out how the bloody hell you cover 12 weeks of school holidays with 6 weeks of annual leave.

Ask how he thought Christmas went, if he was happy with how much time he worked and had for the family?

Tell him how happy you were with the break.

Set down expectations - if nursery is closed for 4 days you cover 2 days he covers 2 days. If he is ill how is that covered? We aimed to do 50:50 for sickness but reality was more like 66:33 as I did the drop off and it was usually first thing that we determine she was too ill for nursery and she rarely needed more than a day off. If we knew the night before she was too ill, we based it on who needed to be at work most that day - i.e. work things that couldn't easily be moved. We would alternate days.

What family activities would you like to do?
What hobbies would you like to do? I started a Pilates class one evening a week. That day my partner did the nursery pick up, made dinner and then did bedtime. I had to hide before the class otherwise she wouldn't let me go. Having that carved out regular time to myself was important. We arranged one evening a week where my partner could do his hobby. At the weekends we made sure we had family time and personal time.

That first year of going back to work after having a baby takes a bit of figuring out for what roles you want everyone to play. When you are on mat leave and have a small baby it's more on the mum. You want to make sure that things transfer to a fair distribution as you go from baby to toddler to child.

It’s quite simple, you both have to take annual leave for family needs / enjoyment. The days of being footloose and fancy free are now long gone now that you’ve joined the parenting club!

Your DH is clearly not onboard with this, either he doesn’t understand this new set-up (immature) or is choosing to ignore it.

Put your foot down. Hard! There’s no annual leave child-free (unless for a stag do or other special event) until the kid is 18! It’s just the way it has to work.

I’m happy to say my two are not far off being 18. I can now see the child-free annual leave (with my DH) on the horizon.

Don’t worry, it wizzes by!

Don't understand why you have allowed this to happen. Just split the cover needed when nursery is closed. Tell.him you are covering half the days and he will need to cover the other half. Simples!

I would be taking every weekend off until it was balanced again. Ensure you leave the house or send dh to his mother's house with your child. Going forward all AL needs to be split fairly.

That is very unfair and you need to discuss it now. You're going to need to have this sorted out for all school holidays.

Tell him straight: he doesn’t earn enough or contribute enough to have “me time” at the expense of the main bread winner.

There needs to be balance regarding childcare, clearly. When my children were young, I was working full-time and knackered, and maybe had a bit of a moan about this to a colleague. She told me about a friend of hers who had four young children: she'd said to the friend, "You have to make yourself enjoy it." Isn't that right? Shouldn't you enjoy looking after your own child? If not, why did you have them?

"What’s making this harder to swallow is that I’m the breadwinner." You work, your husband works, I'm guessing similar hours, so who earns the most is irrelevant, unless you resent him for earning less than you.

YANBU for being pissed off but YABU for not raising this with him - there is no point quietly seething

So you haven’t talked to him about this? You didn’t say ‘I’m taking these days off what are you taking off’? Never assume, discuss beforehand!

I think it's pretty clear you have talk to your DH and plan all AL for the next 12 months, ensuring an equal split of childcare, child free and family time. It's not rocket science.

Sit down and ask him why he hasn't taken any lead or brought up that DC needed childcare, ask him what he thought was going to happen.... the childcare fairy was going to wave her magic wand for him? Point out thw mental load he is also forcing on you and then the actual physical job also. What exactly is he there for? He has a responsibility now and he needs to step the fuck up.

You need a conversation with your husband. Nursery is going to close at Christmas, and going forward what's going to happen when your child starts school? There will be school holidays to cover and the mandatory 5 Inset days per school year that all schools have to shut for. You both, going forward are going to have to cover these. There won't be 'spare' annual leave for your husband to have!!! You have to start as you mean to go on, and that means splitting the holiday cover down the middle. You earning more than your husband etc is a completely different matter. Of course you shouldn't have to tell your husband he needs to cover holidays, but the fact is, you are going to have to spell it out to him.

You say "DH, nursery is closed 29th 30th 31st 1st and 2nd. Works able to give me AL 29th and 30th, youll have to arrange leave 31st - 2nd."

You seem to be in the habit of assuming nursery closure is a you problem when its an us one. So talk to him about the days that are his share

Not enough detail in the OP. If he works in Sport, how much flexibility does he have re days off? And given this is the first year of this happening, perhaps DH is planning days off at another time so the child isn’t continually in nursery/cover future sick days. It is ultimately a luxury to have annual leave together. But the real strange thing is this doesn’t seem to have been discussed.

You need to be more assertive. Tell him he needs to cover x days using annual leave. He’s taking the Mickey …. And your income/pension.

What? Why are you putting up with this?! Just tell him that's not ok, and explain why.

My Dsister used to be like this. Her DH would disappear each weekend to do a hobby, while she was left at home to look after their young kids. He would take also time off work regularly to pursue this hobby, while she was taking all her annual leave to cover child care.

She was once so angry about it that when her DH came home late from his hobby, she told me that she had to go for a walk to calm down about it. I was incredulous, and lost my temper with her - and told her not to calm down, but to tackle the issue head on by talking to her DH about it. She did, and things got much better, they came to an agreement about how much time each of them needed to have off, how much childcare they each needed to cover etc.

It was a ridiculous situation, but her DH seemed oblivious to it until my Dsister pointed it out to him. I can't understand why women put up with this nonsense, instead of having a conversation about it.

Agree with @FollowSpot- you should book a day to yourself at a weekend. He can’t really wriggle out of that.

Sorry, I put yabu because you are. You are setting a precedent for the rest of your child rearing years. Do not fall into this trap. He is also the parent "give an inch..........you know whats next.
X

Did he want to have a child?

You’ve become the default parent like loads of mums, you need to push back against this role, the sooner the better. Annoyingly this in itself can take a bit of work from you to shift the status quo but think of it as short term pain long term gain.

Does he get the emails from nursery about closure dates too? If not he needs to get himself added or if he’s just not reading it you need to screenshot him and ask him which dates he can cover/ tell him which dates you can cover. Get this sorted for next year now. Unfortunately a lot of men will happily let you crack on if you let them get away with it. He’s taking the piss and you need to nip this in the bud asap.

@CrazyCatMom

I assumed DH would book one or two days off to spend with us (he did this in previous years before our son was born) but it seems like he is actually working more than usual. I have basically been solo parenting since Boxing Day, with one day “off” when I was at work/DS with grandparents.
DS is back at nursery tomorrow which is conveniently DH’s day off this week 🙄

So before you had a child he was able to book time off the same time as you & now he has decided to book his time off when you’re both in work/nursery. So it must be deliberate. It’s really selfish.

Can your parents (or his parents) do an extra day when nursery is closed?

I don’t know if I would want another child with someone who didn’t want to spend free time with us.

I don’t mean this in a way to aggravate but that is simply impossible. 2 working parents get about 25 days annual leave each a year, a two week family holiday taken together, and a week off together at Christmas leaves 10 days left each. A primary school child has about 70 days holidays a year by the time you’ve accounted for summer holidays, half terms, inset days etc, so unless the kids are in clubs or you have a lot of family help what you are suggesting is entirely impossible for the majority