to feel resentful I’ve used my AL for childcare while DH saves his for child-free time?

Why should she have to ask? If he'd considered the issue at all he'd know that nurseries close in the holidays and there might be days when his child needs looking after but the OP would be working.

Why is it her job to manage all this alone? They should both take equal responsibility and share AL used.

OP if his sporting work is seasonal can you foresee a time period when he can do the majority of pick ups, drop offs, sick days and be the default parent while you work and also take some time for yourself?

I don’t know how it came about that you took all the holiday. I would have simply said I’m booking x&y day off and you are booking a&b off. It wouldn’t have been a discussion.

but I would at generally, in 18 years of parenting I don’t think I’ve ever taken a day off holiday just for myself. It’s either been childcare or family time. We have so little holiday time that it is too precious to ‘waste’ a day when it could be family time

I don’t understand why you booked it all off with no discussion?! I would have said “there are 8 days we need to cover, which 4 do you want?”

Definitely need to have a conversation about this and agree it before you have any more children and definitely before they start school and you have 14 weeks to cover! DH and I do alternate weeks - I did the week before Christmas and he did the week between Christmas and new year. We each do a week at Easter, alternate half terms, split summer holidays. We plan it all at start of year to try to make sure everything is covered. You can't just assume what he will do

Saying all that, he does sounds like a bit of an arse who is going to work as an easier option than being home.
I suggest booking yourself some childfree days and when next closure comes up 'sorry, I'm out of leave, this ines on you as I did the last one'. He can cover it or arrange cover.

Agree with this. My husband and I had to cover the holidays between us. His time will come! You could say you can’t have next Christmas off to make him do it next year.

Prepare him from now that he needs to take his annual leave for Easter and staying with the bubba! As you deffo won't be booking yours during that time! And hold your ground- he'll give in eventually.

Why are you letting him get away with this. That is crazy part. Use your words OP, communicate with your husband.

After I had my baby my partner was scheduled to have parental leave paid by his employer. I was to return to work and he was to care for our baby.

He couldn’t do it. He cancelled the paid leave and went back to work. He had severe mental health issues and claimed he was depressed. What it really was was a personality disorder and an inability to control his rage.

I gave up my career because my baby was not safe with him.

As mothers, we give up so much for our children - our bodies, our health, our emotional energy, our sleep…. Meanwhile, these men continue life as normal. I don’t think they give up anything.

If you earn the majority of the money and you do everything already - then what is the point in having him around?

What the hell is he contributing??

OP, you say DC is 21 months and you didn’t have to think about it last year, so I’m guessing that means you took a full year of maternity leave. You say when you realised the nursery was shutting for two weeks you just booked it off. You seem to have become the default parent - both in his eyes and your own?

how bothered are you that you are the default parent and how bothered are you that DH didn’t take time off to be with you and DC over the two weeks? Is he using it for time to himself or is he just not doubling up on holiday use so you have some in reserve? Have you had a conversation with him about his lack of taking time off or are you scared of what he might say?

It was a mistake. You know now who you are dealing with.

Don’t let it happen again.

the thread is TLDR so I may be duplicating what’s already been said but there is still not equality between men & women. We are expected to be the primary parent usually earning less than our male counterparts, although in your case you have broken free of this but so many women have this struggle.

time to man up, excuse the pun and call him out. Is actions are deliberate but I doubt he would admit that!

I’ve put you are being unreasonable as I can’t fathom why you would not sit down discuss and make a plan for you both to cover childcare?

Let him know in the interests of fairness that he'll need to take the annual leave next time and that going forward you need to make a more appropriate plan,

would also recommend you divide weekends so that one of you gets a lie in.

You suggest it and immediately suggest you get saturdays. (because so often it is agreed, with the DH getting a lie in saturday then waking up his wife at 7am on Sunday because "the DCs really want you")

You need to tell him that isn’t happening in the future and childcare is his responsibility too

YANBU to be cross but lesson learnt. Next holiday say to DH that its his turn to cover childcare as you did Xmas. After that make sure you split it equally and include a day or 2 to spend as a family. I would even go so far as to say he organised one family day and you do another.

OP, sit down with the calender and go through everything this year that needs covering. Then you say 'DP xyz days needs covering, I'll cover x and you cover y'.

Should he refuse to compromise, you've learnt everything you need to know about this man and can make a decision from there.

Incidently, I'm a teacher so I have 13 weeks off per year- all of which I parent my children. My partner is able to book holiday unlike me- we use his holiday to cover unexpected childcare requirements, parents evenings I have to attend and to allow each other to have a small amount of free time ie he'll book off and I'll go and do something and so on. It is what it is 🤷🏼‍♀️

well it is clearly not a chore for the DH who is getting days off with no childcare to cover, while OP had to do childcare and book days of her AL to do it.

The fact that you don't get that is not surprising, given the number of batshit posts on this site about women who do everything while the children's father lives the life of riley.

This is OPs chance to nip that in the bud.

Then don’t book AL next time the nursery is closed and leave for work before he does. Let him know which holiday days he’s covering.

This will continue for as long as you allow it to. If you sort the childcare every time, what incentive does he have to step up?

Go and stay somewhere else this weekend ( friend/parents/hotel) for child free time. It’s your turn for r&r.

Yup same thoughts here. Why is it such a chore for some parents to look after their own child. You should be happy to spend some time with them when they’re normally in nursery all the time. What would you rather do with you AL? Just have a few days to yourself?

Why on earth are you doing it?? He sounds like an arsehole and you’re a mug

Yup!

You should’ve had this conversation before having kids but as you didn’t you need to now.

If you’re both working full time then you need to split covering childcare equally.

DH and I look at the calendar and work out who covers what months in advance.

When the kids start getting sick we check diaries to see who can take off which days etc.

There is no automatic expectation that I would cover or vice versa.

You need a wholesale conversation and plan about how your family works now.

Do child minders also offer marriage counselling to deal with selfish men then?

Because this isnt about childcare, its about yet ANOTHER selfish man who gives not one fuck about the load the mother of his child/ren is carrying as long as he doesnt have to carry any of it himself.