to feel resentful I’ve used my AL for childcare while DH saves his for child-free time?

Of course. My comment was made to someone who suggested that whichever partner earned less should do the bulk of the household work. My point is that if you earn more, man or woman, that doesn't mean you should not pull your weight at home. I earn 3x more than my husband but I respect his job - he works as hard as I do and I do not expect him to do more at home just because he earns less.

Yes, they should — but in real life, it’s not equal.
Women end up doing more housework and more caring for children and elderly relatives, whether or not they also have paid jobs. The Office for National Statistics (ONS) shows that women do around 60% more unpaid work than men overall. And when it comes to couples, the pattern is pretty clear: about 8 out of 10 married women (around 77%) do more housework than their husbands.
So even though a lot of women are working, the bulk of the chores and caring still falls on them, which shows how far reality is from true equality.

Mm no, she's talking about the 4 days between Christmas and New Year. By OPs own admission its her first Christmas since going back to work in April and hadn't had any conversation with her DH regarding taking time off. She's now has had a convo and they will both take time off next Christmas - and she's taking more off to do what she wants in Jan. It's clearer if you just read her 3 posts and not all the noise filled with others narratives and own experiences.

Mm no, I read that her DH will take time off later in the year but their child will still be at nursery and that when op takes time off work their child is not at nursery.

So a possibly positive update from the OP.

If he works in football does that mean he gets a decent summer break meaning he can do the lions share of summer holiday childcare?

Perhaps also his club does school holiday activities that he can take your child to when they're older?

Except he's working.
It's his busiest time according to the OPs post.
She's also taking more time off to do whatever she wants to do, according to OPs post.

But her DH takes time off to do whatever he wants while DC at nursery. He gets to unwind, she doesn’t. Eminently unfair.

My ex was self employed. Always took time out when he wanted to do his own thing, but I was left taking unpaid leave every year to provide the child care. Your H sounds like my ex - a mickey taking selfish pr@ck. we gf massive ties about this snd many things. It never changed and I wish I’d divorced him much much sooner. Hope you can resolve this op. Have yiu family n friends that can help? Once at school yiu might be able to take turns looking after small group of your child’s friends. Prob not possible before then, depending on age of child and solidity of friendships.

Glad you have now spoken about it. I don't know how you both planned annual leave previously but when you have a child you do have to work together.
Also while they are nursery age, has there not been any discussion about booking leave at the same time to spend time the 3 of you? Or is it that you both do your own thing completely with annual leave? This is the bit that surprises me, as although I work in a school so have always been around during school holidays for the children, I have always spoken to DH about when he is booking time off to spend with us doing things together.

I did read her posts. She said they didn’t discuss it. Very odd indeed.

No. Some people do actually want to spend time with their kids. Especially at Christmas. Let's be honest - OP was talking about 4 days - Boxing Day till 1st Jan when she posted.

@mumatlast14yes sounds like it’s sorted which is wonderful. But in relation to your posts, saying things like many people ‘actually want to’ spend time with their kids is passive aggressive. You know that.

Not at all. She's only been working since April so presumably husband has been supporting the family .She's talking about the few days between Boxing Day and now which m many people take off anyway. AL stands for Annual Leave not ALL her leave. Her husband is actually at work - not off on a jolly or down the pub. Her last update also states its one of his busiest times at his work and she's just booked more AL. Just seems like lack of communication not oppression! Last post by OP - all sorted.

Do you not, you know, bother to at least read @CrazyCatMom posts before commenting? Common courtesy.

@mumatlast14The thing is she clearly has a very demanding job and has described overstimulation, so possibly adhd. Your situation might be different. But when you are exhausted you cannot be the best mum and make the best memories, and if you feel like your partner is not pulling their weight resentment is understandable. Everyone’s life situation is different. Your posts have been made to make her and other people feel bad, which suggests something about your own situation to want to do that.

Do you not, you know, speak to each other?

Another one making up their own narrative. Try reading the post.

if that works for you as a couple then so be it, but i don't think you should impose your worldview on others. If they have a way that works for them then you should back off and let them live their lives.

She’s not unhappy to use her annual leave, she’s unhappy to use every single bit of it to solo parent when she thought she had a partner and they might have family time and they might support each other as parents and people with careers and people who need the occasional break. You’re just spouting endless utter anti mum bilge. Mums are human too, and dads have responsibilities too and it is totally completely reasonable to expect the man you had a child with to be part of parenting that child. You go back to saying im just so lucky to live this life while you hold a diarrhoea stricken child over a toilet at 2am before going back ti change the sheets and disinfect everything. If there’s a dad in the picture make sure you don’t wake them, and make the time to make them a coffee before they get up because you’re just so grateful for their contribution of a sperm donation 3 years ago that you expect nothing else from them ever again. The op and normal women don’t think that way but you do you, just stop polluting the ops thread with it.

That’s great, I’m so pleased you’ve sorted it a bit more. Men are, on the whole, not like women. They simply don’t think about things the same way, but once reminded and given expectations, many of them do step up and do the right thing. Obviously communication is the key. Good luck for next year.

A whole cup of hot tea? Go steady girl!

I am glad that you have sorted it out. Christmas is a terrible time for football, I have seen many pissed off posts about Boxing day fixtures over the years. Enjoy your time off.

That's a great update.

OK dear. I'm off to bed - got a busy day ahead enjoying the last of the school hols with kids.

Nice try.

Off you pop dear.