In not pursuing a diagnosis for five year old?

gosh really don’t know what you are talking about about do you?

would you prevent your child from
accessing medical and educational support for other life long conditions too? Epilepsy - diabetes? Or is it just neurodiversity that you have a lack of knowledge and understanding of.

a bit more time in exams? 🤣

Educational support and approach is far more significant than that. Once school changed their approach he changed from the naughty, lazy boy who hated school, was always in trouble, and was failing everything to now fully integrated, taking part in extra curriculars, getting As and Bs and loving school.

he wouldn’t have made it the exams extra time or not, nor had a chance of a decent career.

his is a relatively mild case.

I hope you learn some things on this thread that challenge your prejudices.

There's no way on this earth that any doctor would have prescribed meds if the child didn't have ADHD.

School staff are absolutely shit at spotting or supporting neurodivergent children. The vast majority have next to no training on neurodivergent conditions. Don't rely on them to give you any clues.

If you think he might be nd, a diagnosis might give you an explanation for his behaviour and lead you towards coping mechanisms. The waiting lists are very very very long so even if you get him on one now he might not be seen for 5 or 6 years anyway. Unless you go Right to Choose.

I will say that your son deserves to grow up understanding why he struggles with things. Why wouldn't you want him to be assessed if knowing might make his life even slightly easier?

School and nurseries often avoid telling parents when they suspect SEN but can meet the child’s needs because so many parents react badly to it. Don’t take the fact that school hasn’t said anything as an indication that they don’t think your child has SEN.

You cant just leave it and struggle on because you have to support his behaviour whether its sen or not as it sounds hard and need to change.

You will need to find strategies that help either way.

Personally I have found a lot of strategies that work for asd and adhd work pretty well for NT children too. Things like sensory issues can affect all children. Lots of children like routine. Lots of children like now/next language and visual timetables. They dont harm NT children. You can just crack on and try them out. My NT child was great with them.

Where an assessment helps is if you know something specific is an issue you can leap straight to the most likely strategy to work. Particularly sensory or comes issues

And dont worry. So what if it is your parenting? Thats the easiest thing to change, everyone has to learn to parent as they go along and respond to the child they have

As pp have said, I’d take him for a hearing test and eye sight test first. I wouldn’t rely on the fact, the school has said nothing. Teachers are not qualified to diagnose anything, and generally SENCOs at best only do screening tests. Some teachers clearly have very little knowledge of SEN.

I can’t count how many children, I have come across, who were later diagnosed with any combination of autism, ADHD, dyslexia, dyspraxia, poor working memory, dyscalculia and the infant/junior/secondary school had noticed nothing!

(As the mother of two children with SEN, one of whom was always in special provision from age 4. Some of her friends joined her in specialist residential schools, and their mainstream schools had still not noticed anything needing a statement (now EHC plan), never mind a specialist school until their parents went to tribunal!)

Try reading “The Explosive Child” and “Out of Synch Child”, which are not about any specific SEN, but I found them both very insightful.

How much parenting does DH do?

Does not harm talking to school. What year group is he in?

You are coping right now. He is small, isn't in puberty or doing exams. Once he is older, things will be much harder. If you wait to be assessed until then, you will be in with a long wait. NHS assessment where I am is at a 5+ year wait. Private assessment isn't accepted by the NHS. Don't wait until you have a crisis to seek out the support.

If he has a diagnosis, you don't need to change anything if it doesn't work for you, but it may open up support once you need it

I think trust your gut op, as others have said I’d start conversations now with school & gp to consider assessment. NHS waiting lists are years in most areas, if they have autism/adhd /both then extra support in school and work place will be invaluable.

Our SENCO at school was very helpful. GP was useless but referred us anyway. DS is incredible at school in all ways, struggles to regulate at home, lots of anger etc. GP seemed to have never heard of masking. DS is 10, there must be many children like him who don’t have terrible issues but could do with an assessment. SENCO agreed it’s worth getting an assessment so he can understand himself more and because we’ll always have an ‘I wonder’ in our minds. So just get an assessment. He’ll still be the same kid obviously but a diagnosis (or not) can provide relief, understanding, strategies, special adjustments on offer (can take them or not).

I wish I’d pushed for an assessment for DS when he was that age (the school said there was no issues). He’s now recently diagnosed with ADHD in year 10 and having to do a lot of catch-up. The senco at his school was great and said that they would support without the diagnosis but that he’d need one for college and uni.

I really wish we’d gone through the assessment when he was in primary. Both for academic reason and that he would have understood himself better sooner rather than thinking he was an outsider.

Unreasonable to not seek out diagnosis and support for your child who might need it and continue to carry on with you and more importantly him, struggling? Yeah just a bit unreasonable.

Because it’s a lifelong condition that will show up in any medical checks and may affect future career etc? All for some extra exam time (in mild cases where the diagnosis is ‘to cover bases’)

Nursery and school usually do flag things up if they suspect SEN and can help with referrals to the NHS waiting list for assessment. If they haven't brought it up with you but you suspect SEN I'd ask them their opinion. You can ask for the school SENCO to observe your child in class and see what they think.

Just to let you know my child was on the waiting list for 3 years so if you do suspect SEN and want an NHS diagnosis it's better to get the ball rolling. People can be sceptical of a private diagnosis which is why I waited out the NHS.

It makes such a difference at school and in extra curricular activities to have a diagnosis.

essential for university down the road.

I know my son has found a great relief in his diagnosis enabling him to understand himself.

I can’t understand why you wouldn’t pursue.

waiting lists are years long so it’s essential to get started asap.

don’t know how the process works in England but in Scotland you either go via the school or pay privately. NHS doesn’t do it.

Even if it is a parenting issue then school will be able to talk to you about local support available which may help you all.

Schools should support the need. I would have a chat with them and see if your child is managing school/needing any adaptations, support etc.

There's a huge waiting list in the majority of areas so keep a note of behaviour in case you decide to go for assessments. The important thing is your child, their happiness and progress.

Just try to be stricter with your son and give consequences

You are the parent so are best placed to judge all the factors and be honest about likely reasons. Sen is one possibility, another is needing different parenting techniques another is physical impairment(hearing for example, has it been checked) but can also just be developmental, they develop at different paces and could grow out of it. I would suggest that you do ask for a meeting with the teacher, mostly because issues need to be in more than one setting - how does he act at school? Then if they report issues go to the gp for a referral

I didn't know. It could be nerodivesity, and it could be a parenting issue. My DD is nerodivese. She's been referred by the GP and school. I've been told it will be at Lear 2 years before anyone sees her. I've done courses on autism and ADHD. There I'd training you can access without a diagnosis. First, I'd talk to the school and see if there noticed anything. The see what parenting course or training is available to you. It won't hurt to do the learning.

I would try and get the wheels in motion for assessment, the wait is long and if there are issues, then the gap between him and his peers will only widen with age .

Diagnosis of what? He’s angry, that isn’t diagnosis. He can still receive therapy for it.

I agree. If you already suspect he has SEN then why would you wait to seek help. You'll be waiting years already.