In not pursuing a diagnosis for five year old?

Yep, some areas have even stopped people joining the waiting lists as there aren’t not enough funds to process the ones already waiting
you will regret delaying getting the ball rolling

What seems tolerable now can be hard work at 10 and a car crash at 15.
Pursue support for him. You will probably have to be a pain and keep records of everything.

It took a decade to get my DD help. The shit for brains paediatrician, GP and school support team took so long that she dropped GCSE grades and only just made it to college.

Agree with this. We first raised concerns about our daughter with her preschool. We then raised concerns with most of her teachers throughout primary school, with little result. It was only once she absolutely crashed and burned at secondary school, and became seriously ill from burnout that the GP referred her. She was finally diagnosed with autism aged 14. It's frustrating when so much advice is that you are failing your children if you don't seek an assessment, but then you get blocked at every turn.

My child was diagnosed at 8, at 5 it was being totally minimised by school. By 11 it’s so noticeable that you would instantly recognise him as SEN. In my experience it’s untrue that children somehow grow out of these things, I’d say the ‘gap’ becomes wider and much more obvious as they get older. I know we all want to ‘hope for the best’ but I wish someone had been straight with me. I didn’t peruse formal diagnosis until my child (and by extension the rest of the family) was already in an absolute state. Don’t be me!

I'm an experienced secondary school teacher and I can spot some SEN given that I've been a parent of an AuDHD girl for most of my teaching career, but I certainly wouldn't be bringing it up with parents unless via the SENCO if the chid was struggling a great deal in class (and our SENCO is decent but they've got a lot of their plate and basically all their time is taken up with extreme cases and EHCP).

Agree with everyone saying to speak to his teacher. Even if it is 'only' an issue with him managing his anger/frustration they may be able to add him to various in-school interventions. My DCs' lower school ran various interventions for everything from academics to emotional regulation to social skills with small groups who needed just a bit of extra help in that area based on need not having/awaiting a diagnosis. DCs' middle school have similar but run by CAMHS. They can also refer you to parenting courses that can provide you with really helpful strategies.

IME school don't always raise concerns with you unless the behaviour is disruptive, but the moment you have a meeting to discuss what you're seeing and ask if they have any concerns, they will be honest.

Start by talking with the school. I wouldn't focus on diagnosis and assessments just start with a discussion about things he finds difficult and what can be done to support this.

Schools don't always see what you see at home. I have a 5 year old and whilst I don't think she has SEN there have been aspects of growing and learning that she has needed help with. She is a quiet reserved girl who takes time to warm to situations and people. We had toileting issues in reception because the teachers weren't safe people and she found it difficult to talk to teachers about getting her needs met. The teachers saw a child who could speak to them, was quiet but was smiley and happy. They didn't see all the times that she couldn't speak to them as you can't see something that didn't happen. I saw a child that screamed every morning that she didn't want to go to school, would come home very upset because something had happened and she hasn't been able to speak to the teachers about it. She was like a shaken bottle of pop and exploded easily in the evenings. She only turned 4 in the weeks before she started school and whilst in many ways she was ready for school and easily kept up with the class there were aspects where she was definitely 4 and needed support in learning those skills.

The school put in methods to lower the barrier to communication. The staff started to wear cards that children could point to if they needed something e.g toilet or felt poorly or something was bothering them and she had a card with the same things on her desk. They know now not to take her smile at face value and she has started to build a rapport with her teachers and they are now safe adults to her. She has been able to make some consistent friendships and by facilitating time out of school with them she now counts some of their parents as safe people too. Her world has expanded she can communicate better and is happy to go into school most of the time because her needs are being met at the point of her needing them to be met she's calmer and less explosive at home. She's not had an accident at school since the may half term. It took several conversations with the school to see it as a communication problem and not a continence problem as that was the only symptom they were picking up. She had been toilet trained for 2 years and managed at 1400km drive across France and the UK before starting school without an accident so we knew it wasn't a toilet issue but a communication issue. Her teacher gave her some one to one time and some sensory time as well as lowering the barrier to communication. The more the school was a safe place the calmer she was at home.

This is really unfair. I’m a secondary SENDCo and my MSc dissertation was about autistic girls. The vast majority of our staff can spot an ND student, particularly one who is masking.

It's not true that private assessment "isn't accepted by the NHS". LAs and the NHS are increasingly having to contract out.

Our private assessment was done by NHS paediatricians via a charity they set up.

Other than that I fully agree with this post. Age 6 is very different to age 16!

I work in a reception class and at this point in the year we wouldn’t necessarily approach parents with concerns because they are only just getting properly settled and we are only just getting to know them (especially if they attended a different nursery)

But if a parent approached us with their own concerns we would fell them anything we had noticed that could potentially be a sign and discuss things with them (and the senco if needed)

Start it now. I raised flags at 7. She was assessed but didn’t hit threshold, it all fell apart at 13 and I ended up in a position desperately trying to get help before she hit gcse years. I only managed it because I paid for private assessment. she would have been excluded from school before she got assessed if I had to wait for CAMHS I am pretty sure.

You wouldn’t be “seeking a diagnosis” - you’d be seeking support for behaviour that you are finding challenging. That might be the result of Neurodiversity - it might not, but surely it is better to try to get to the root of whatever is making him angry and aggressive. There will be something causing his behaviour and you are just taking steps to address that. Children often first display difficult behaviour at home as it is a safe place they can unmask (for whatever reason) - he may well start displaying these behaviours at school as things progress and more challenge is made of him there. You should consider his behaviour communication of some kind, so you should try to find out what is going on.

Please don't do what we did.
Our daughter has always struggled with impulse and emotional control. She is extremely intelligent but challenging.
Once she got to 16 and found herself largely friendless, we spoke to her school. They agreed that she was exhibiting traits of autism. Spoke to the gp and were referred. After about 3 years waiting, we paid for an assessment. It took virtually a whole day and cost us around £2.5k, no surprises when she was diagnosed.
She went to university and, off her own bat had an adhd assessment.
Lucky ducky now gets extra time on exams and a
Couple of other adjustments. She's just got a first in her masters degree to add to her first bachelors.
She's not medicated but is much more at peace

@AgnesMcDoo my diagnosis came after a 50 min video call (via NHS) and I was recommended medication on the basis I had a GP appointment which would check blood pressure/heart health. Not all areas in the country are the same.

Get him on the waiting list. You can always cancel if he suddenly changes. I'd recommend writing down what exactly it is that makes you think there's something. Write down exactly what strategies you've tried, and how he responded to them. If you haven't already read it try how to talk so kids will listen. Is it transitions? Too many instructions at once? Too loud? Too bright. Not loud and bright enough?

Your ds seems to be struggling - I don't know of a single child who enjoys struggling to control their emotions. If it is not resolving, then you need to change what you are doing. It may be SEN, it may be immaturity, it may be something else. But doing nothing doesn't seem to be a good option.

I would suggest starting with reading - some books have already been suggested, but learn more about emotional intelligence, neurodiversity and behaviour and see if anything strikes a chord with you. You are right in one way - there is little support post diagnosis, but for most parents it is the starting point to learning how they can help their child with differences in the way they manage life. You may find that making adjustments now is all that is needed in the short term. However - while I understand many trying to avoid "labelling" their child as it could affect them later in life in terms of the judgement of others, it is the way to access support right now so their life chances are improved earlier on. Theoretically you don't need a diagnosis for support (DSA at university is the exception!) but in reality it helps.

Talk to his teachers - they may have noticed things that would be enough to raise with you yet, but if you say you are considering how to manage things, they may be able to add to the picture. It is quite common for children to hold everything in at school (which takes a lot of effort) only to let in all out once they get home. and changes to things both in school and out of school may help with this.

Take a breath - then think about what is not working and how to change it. that is the focus for your child.

Unless the school have expressed concerns, you can’t get your son assessed anyway, at least not on the NHS. A school report is a requirement for referrals. However, I would have regular dialogue with his teachers, because if there is an issue then the earlier it’s identified the better. Bear in mind that the waiting time for assessments such as ASD and ADHD is several years. The priority is always to get a diagnosis in place before secondary school if possible.

My mildly autistic son is really struggling in secondary school. If you have the time, and please feel free to DM me, what support worked for him? The school seem a bit clueless. Thank you very much ❤️

Even on the private route you can’t access meds that quickly. After diagnosis ( which is more than a 1.5 hour appt) medication requires multiple appts to titrate dosage over weeks and months.

you either aren’t in the uk or your close relative isn’t sharing every detail of their medical join with you

I wish we had started the process sooner but neither nursery or school picked up anything. For a nurodiverse family it's also hard to pick up on some elements because they are "normal" to you. It got a lot worse for us before school would really offer support or take it seriously. Mine was/is great at masking untill he got exhausted and stopped being able to attend school.

If your child needed a hearing air or glasses would you not get them? Its something to explore there is a lot of support and resources available without any diagnoses. The wait is long. We started at age 5 only just got an assessment using right to choose option at the gp and he is now 8 years old. I am particularly hoping we can get a ehcp for secondary school that's when he will need all the support and extra time/understanding he can get.

I am yet to get a diagnosis for myself but I can see how it would of helped my own understanding of myself growing up. I would of known how to pace myself and understood why I needed to do that. I would of been able to cope so much better at school. That alone is enough for me to want to get as much support as possible for my children.

Perhaps explore further why you don't want to explore the options?

My DS was about 9 when he was diagnosed. Me and DH felt like the last to know. His reception teacher suspected autism immediately but we weren't sure as he would display both neurotypical and neurodiverse behaviours.

At the most basic level, getting a diagnosis and then an ECHP allowed us to prove he wasn't just naughty, we weren't bad parents and get some support.

I would speak to the school and ask them to begin the SEN assessment process. It takes time and I think they will stop it if he really doesn't have observable extra needs.

Assuming this is a genuine question... you would get likely get more thoughtful responses in 'parenting', 'behaviour/development' or even 'chat:. I also think you'd be fine to post in SEN, a concern that your child needs a diagnosis is a perfectly legitimate post in that section.

As a first step look at the AQ10 questions and see how that looks for him. Talk to his teachers. Make notes of any behaviours that concern you. If there is anything you think a GP would benefit from seeing, film it. Then go to the GP, informed and with evidence in hand.