Am I Unreasonable To Be Surprised That 6 Friends Sent Me Happy New Year Messages Even Though My Daughter Has Just Died

But wouldn’t you still send a personal message to a recently bereaved mother and not just a generic ‘happy new year’?

IMO it is extremely thoughtless. My friend died about 15 months ago, on any occasion I ensure that I send her husband a soecific message, would never send a generic happy xmas/HNY message. I dont go all doom and gloom but wish them well and to let them know I am thinking of them all.

If you can't put some thought into a message going to a grieving friend (esp as its so soon after) then you're not a friend. A generic message means nothing at all to anyone and no thought has been put into that at all.

I think you are a bit unreasonable.
I think it's probably been generic and if not ppl will obviously be hoping you can take small steps towards healing as such as one can with a brand new year and are genuine in their best wishes for you going forward .

YANBU - whether a bulk message, well intentioned, sent while drinking etc etc this was crass and thoughtless and completely inappropriate.

You absolutely are right to expect more from good friends - or even vague acquaintances tbh - this is just about emotional intelligence.

And you absolutely should expect people to tiptoe around you for quite some time yet.

This is a truly horrendous thing to have to deal with, I really am so terribly sorry for your loss and can only just begin to imagine how catastrophic this must be for you and your family.

I agree with this. I lost both of my parents, my mother quite young. However, one of my best friends lost her 7 year old child. There is no comparison in terms of how it has affected us. It has utterly ruined my friends life- she will never be able to heal from it.

Losing your parents is the natural order of life. Outliving your child is completely unnatural. There is no comparison here and I say that as someone who lost both parents.

I am so very sorry OP.

Exactly... !

First of all, so sorry for the loss of
your daughter. I think some people do use the facility on WhatsApp to message all their contacts at once. But they shouldn’t have done so here, the should have had more thought and care.

No Gloriia. I am realistic. No one else thinks abour our grief as much as we do.

I had a very traumatic death in my family. My friends were all out partying the next week.

You often hear people suffering grief saying "how can the world go on like normal for other people"

Exactly! As I said, a few posters on here need to change their username.

I dont think ops expecting ppl to tip toe around her but its thoughtless to send a happy new year message to someone who has just lost their child. If you want to let them know you're thinking of them, send a personal message to that affect.

I’m so sorry for your loss. Your feelings are totally understandable, however I know a woman who lost her daughter two years ago who said basically the opposite to you.

Her daughter died in the November, and she made a Facebook post (which is very unlike her) letting everyone know that she found it very upsetting to have received much fewer Christmas and New Year wishes than she ever had before. She wrote that she felt like a leper, an undesirable, following the death of her daughter and that she wanted people to feel free to wish her and her family happiness. It was really sad, and privately she told me later that she had felt so alone and uncared for - even though she knew deep down that people were likely keeping away out of respect/awkwardness than lack of care

So if someone has known a person like this in the past, they may think they’re doing the right thing by messaging you.

YANBU and it was a thoughtless and ill-judged thing for them to do. A thoughtful, personal NY message would be a kind and supportive gesture. A generic one is hurtful. I am so very sorry for your loss.

Im very sorry for your loss, OP.

You are not being unreasonable at all.

In my experience, grief lasts longer than sympathy. It’s not out of malice, but it is thoughtless.

'I wonder if they did a generic message to everyone'

But why would you, surely having a friend whose 24yr dd has tragically died would absolutely be front and centre in your mind whilst sending out celebratory emojis?! It's just staggering.

Have you lost a child Gloriia. If you have, I send you love, genuinely.

I disagree. Of course some losses are harder. Losing a parent is the natural order.

My husband's cousin has just been diagnosed with MND. She sent us a happy new year message but I just said thank you and hope you had a peaceful one. Both husband and I didn't feel happy new year was right as she may not be here next year. She's a very young 79 year old in her outlook. I'm 62 and feel she's more like me in ages.
So sorry for your loss. OP. It was slightly thoughtless of them. I wonder if they did a generic message to everyone

Well she is the exception. It is incomparable.

I guess like everything, it is different for everyone.

I know two people who said to me that they have never got over the death of their mother.

Other people that I know, were able to cope with it a bit better

If you’ve just lost a child in the last few months it is never going to be a ‘happy new year’. Of course you can wish someone a peaceful new year or hope 2026 is better or of course tell someone you’re thinking about them but sending a generic ‘happy new year’ is tone deaf.

I’m so sorry for your loss. That must be absolutely and indelibly devastating. It’s cruel that these days society moves on so quickly leaving the broken and broken hearted to muddle through. Least in days of old you could wear black as a sign to the world I’m not ok.
The messages were likely a send to all. Not personal. Try not to focus as intention almost certainly not to upset you. Just ignore and focus on somehow trying to get your head and heart around the impossible.

It's far too soon to think in terms of "better" when there's a loss of this magnitude.

Yep. Sounds like a few of them are on this thread too.

I disagree.

My mother lost a child. Her child died. Her mother also died

She told me that her grief was the same for the two of them.

So sorry for your loss. Thinking of you. I guess your friends did not want to leave you out. When I lost someone dear to me, I was upset that people avoided me as they did not know what to say or do for the best. I am sure they were well meaning.