BF didn’t text me happy new year..

I do think you're needy and unreasonable, but also that there are clear and obvious reasons for that. I get your point about having given him support and wanting a bit back, but it sounds a lot like insecurity when you happen to need the support when he's out with his mates on NYE and wanting to focus on something else for a while. This can happen a lot when relationships have quickly moved to being quite full on, as yours sounds- it's lovely that you're so close, but that can mean it feels odd when they go off and have a few hours or a few days when you're not focused on one another.
I was like this in relationships, basically until peri when my neediness just fell away. It's an uncomfortable place to be. And I would have discounted the opinion of anyone who said anything like the above to me! But the fact is, you have a good relationship with a man who went out and thought of you before going to bed, sending you a HNY text.

Is this out of character for him? Is he normally good at giving reciprocal support?

Or is it the case that it's made you realise/notice that he's generally quite self absorbed.

MH issues/depression/anxiety can make people self absorbed unfortunately

If it were me I'd keep a note of this on your phone and how it made you feel. Keep things under review. If you regularly feel shit and unsupported in this relationship then maybe it's time to move on.

Leaving the first relationship after a bad marriage can be really really hard but make sure you're not settling for something that doesn't work for you. You didn't go through all you went through leaving your H to be with someone where you end up feeling rubbish.

If it's an out of character one-off then just leave it if you can, bring up another time how it made you feel if needed but hopefully you didn't message late last night.

You are being childish, and as other posters have said, you sound like a teenager rather than a woman in her 40s

@mixednuts7 I’m wondering whether this man is ready for a relationship OP? In terms of a relationship being reciprocal? It sounds to me like it is quite one sided. And this became more apparent on NYE, you, for once, were asking for your relational needs to be met. He couldn’t, or wouldn’t, do it. Not even once. I think perhaps you both have some healing to do before a healthy relationship can be possible. Maybe take a step back?

@mixednuts7 everyone around him would have been txting calling there loved ones .
He chose for you to be out of site out of mind .
He also never chose you once as an option. .
This “relationship” sounds very one sided .
I would t bother txting him . Does t sound like he would care about your feelings.
Just ignore his txt untill you are feeling ready and you have got your thoughts together .
It does sound like he’s taking from you and giving nothing back. .You are not his priority .

He isn't your 'safe space'. He is a relatively new boyfriend with MH issues who you clearly feel quite insecure about, which is why you are worrying about his lack of texts so much. You have only been with him for a year and a half and you say that over the last year he has had a lot of issues. It doesn't sound much fun for you. It is better to see a councillor or get support from people who have been a constant throughout your life rather than relying so heavily on a newish relationship. That goes for both of you really.

This is what I picked up from your first post - you seem to be offering a lot of support and understanding to him, generally.

IF, other than last night, the relationship is balanced and mutually supportive, then I’d let this go. But if, as you seem to be saying, it’s you doing all the giving then you should re-assess how good the relationship really is.

I've reported this obnoxious crap

his main MH support person. Always giving but not often receiving.

sad but true: endlessly being there for someone who is struggling just doesn’t mean that they will be willing and able to reciprocate the one time when you need them to step up.

It just doesn’t work like that.

The ‘normal in this relationship is heavily sloped towards their needs, and not yours, being fulfilled.

Now you have seen it, you can start to prioritise your own needs and those of your own loved ones

Happy New Year

Yeah I think that's exactly it. It's too easy to get used to the role of supporting everyone else and if you've come out of a bad relationship then it can be really hard to identify and express your own needs in a non-argumentative, non-emotional way.

We all just slip into certain ways of behaving, but if you're not happy with the way things are then you just need to say it to the other person, it's their job to either listen and step-up or not.

At least then you know whether they're the right person for you or not.

It's also helpful to recognise this is not your husband and father of your children. If it's not providing you with something positive, then you don't need to work on it and keep at it. Just get rid of it and find something which works. Maybe what works is just you and your kids for a bit with lots of good friends around.

The great thing about getting divorced is you get to prioritise only the needs of yourself and your children. It's a lot more simple.

Mumsnet always produces some unnecessarily mean comments, try not to take it personally. I'm sure people don't go around taking to other people in real life like this.

Oldies? They are in their 40’s, as am I. I had a mobile phone since I was 18, and texting was a thing from the late 90’s.

This thread is Mumsnet at its finest, the sort of stuff you only see on the birthday threads where if a man shit in a box for them posters would see it as extravagant. I assume you all locked yourself in a cupboard at 12:59 so no one could say anything nice to you because you don’t care. Everyone whinges like their life depends on it about “cool wives” and then falls over themselves to say how much they don’t hold stock about occasions.

OP’s boyfriend literally couldn’t be bothered to send her a text until three hours later. The man’s a bellend.

Absolutely! Make 2026 about you ❤️
Not about a man

Sounds like you aren't ready for a relationship. You're still getting over your last relationship.

This bloke sees you are his MH nurse, there when he needs you, and perfectly capable of going on a night out with his mates when it suits him - where was his anxiety then?

you're definitely not his priority, your relationship is one of convenience to him. I'd bin him off and work on getting your own MH stronger.

Make 2026 about you and what you want. People with MH problems can be a bit selfish and needy and it can be draining. Step back from being his therapist maybe because it sounds like he off loads on you and feels a lot better but then you feel stressed and crap. You sound a kind and supportive partner but he doesn’t seem to give much in return. I would be reevaluating the relationship.

I disagree with the majority of posters here. It clearly mattered to you! You know what, it’s ok to be needy and want to be thought of at New Year. It’s ok to expect more from your partner, but you should communicate that, rather than brush it under the carpet. I would be hurt if my partner didn’t think about me enough to send a text, it would make me feel sad. Totally fine if the majority of people don’t care or have that need, but it would be important for me

He’s leaning on you and taking from you emotionally. And you’re rescuing him and giving unevenly.

This isn’t a balanced relationship and you should probably end it.

He was out enjoying himself and simply forgot to send a message at midnight. He did it when he remembered. You are reading far too much into it. All this extra 'context' that you are now adding is actually irrelevant. Let it go.

Relationships just shouldn't be this difficult, they are meant to make you feel happy, secure and loved. If they don't then it's not worth it.

And if you needed support from him, fair enough. But time and place. It just seems a bit controlling to need it on NYE when he’s going out with friends.

It sounds like everything is always about him rather than you, and that you have somehow slipped into the dynamic of being like his support worker and person who exists for him to vent to. However, on the rare occasion that you want something from him, seems like he is nowhere to be seen.

You say that it wasn’t possible for the two of you to spend NYE together but it was. He could have chosen to spend it at home with you, but it sounds like this didn’t even cross his mind. He then went on to you about how he was disappointed with his plans not working out and not being able to go out, without any consideration to you also not being able to go out as you just suck things up and he doesn’t.

I definitely agree with this ^
Sometimes we can get to a place where we give and give because that's the only way we know to keep the man and the relationship
Fuck him....take time for you. Concentrate on you

And have to agree with others. Just reply to him ”thanks, no worries”. Then forget about the text drama.