BF didn’t text me happy new year..

Stop making excuses for him. "Avoidant tendencies" my arse

I was in a relationship like this and it really broke me in the end

People often aren’t able to see the wood for the trees, especially when they’re upset. This is understandable and it’s normal for there to be a straw that breaks the camel’s back.

Then don’t you think that your kids who have been through so much, do not need someone around them who brings so much baggage?

My first thought is that he’s been pulling away for a while and now you’re hyper sensitive to anything like this. If he wasn’t making you feel insecure in general then I don’t think this one incident would leave you feeling like this – you probably just would have rolled your eyes and thought ‘what are you like, Bob!’

I would try to look at the bigger picture in why you are feeling this way. People who have a tendency to go dark on their partners during times of stress or anxiety tend not to be good in relationships, because that’s not how relationships work. After a year together it’s natural that the shine is wearing off and you are now seeing things like this.

Have only read your posts OP, not the full thread.
As I read the opening post I thought "This isn't about a text!".. glad to see you have also reached that conclusion!
I agree with the other pps I have caught as I skimmed through - it seems like you've fallen into another unhealthy relationship and because is is "nice" in comparison to your ex, you think that is good enough.
I don't think it's a "LTB" scenario in that I don't think he's awful... but it doesn't sound like he is what you need either. It actually doesn't seem like he should be in a relationship if he is that heavily reliant on it, and you certainly deserve more time of putting yourself first. If a relationship is hard work in the first couple of years it doesn't really bode well for the future, does it?

I'd be wary of identifying him as the one with all the problems. You talk about him being avoidant and shutting down, but I see someone trying to take responsibility for his own mood and well-being, altering his plans accordingly, spending time with people/activities he thought would help, and not allowing you to wholly take over the fixer role. That is actually a healthy approach on his part.

You making it a big thing with him actually sabotages his self-responsibility and keeps you stuck in codependence.

You need a similar approach, to have a variety of strategies, people, activities to hand so you can meet your own needs for connection, nourishment, stimulation, support, comfort, etc.

Oldies like me, of course! 70+. My being so much older explains, if not excuses, my being so gobsmacked.
(I’m well aware of how long texting’s been common, but still feel the obsession with constant contact is utterly weird in adults)

I ought to have empathised with OP’s distress, I know, and I regret dashing off a comment disregarding it

OP, your original post says you're each others support, but in updates you say it's all one sided.

If you don't want to end the relationship, I'd be inclined to pull back a bit at least. It's nice that you're so supportive of his MH, but it sounds like you're enabling him rather than supporting and this will change the dynamics of your relationship from equal romantic partners to helper and helpee. Give him the opportunity to step up, and if he doesn't, he's not worth all your effort.

He may not have understood you asking for a call was for support- he might have just thought it was a casual chat. However, that doesn't change that it sounds like this is a one-way relationship that sounds very heavy with his mental health.

You've had a tough divorce, a new relationship should be uplifting for you in the early stages and bring you joy and escapism. Not become another "job" where you're propping someone else up all the time (and I say that as someone who suffers depression). Time to end things and start the new year as you mean to go on imo.

I wouldn’t worry about it, NYE isn’t a big deal to many people

I wouldn't be bothered over a NY text or not but you don't seem to be getting a lot out of the relationship.

Sometimes I suspect a few men use poor mental health as a get out of jail free card for poor behaviour or always putting themselves first.

And you sound mean and spiteful. @mixednuts7 posted on here for support. There was no need for this

Nast comment, OP did not ask if she was "childish". Totally unnecessary - you feeling better now mean girl?

Its absolutely not dangerous to set boundaries, it’s essential for any relationship.

You should never just accept poor behaviour just to keep the peace - once you do that, you’re prioritising everyone else above yourself.

Exactly right! We often focus on a small thing because sometimes the bigger problem can be difficult to express

There’s so much therapy speak in your posts, everything is triggering and avoidant and narc. It’s covering up the obvious issue, in non-therapy twaddle, that he’s selfish and not as into you as you are into him.

Call it what it is without all the unnecessary wording and you feel your boyfriend has other priorities and it’s hurt your feelings.

That’s rubbish for you and best addressed by dumping him and making sure if you decide to date again you find a fully formed adult who’s dealt with his issues before meeting someone and you relate to each other as equals for fun, laugher, companionship etc.

It honestly isn’t meant to be this complicated and difficult.

That is a bit nasty. Have you read the whole thread? Did it make you feel good making such a mean comment?

It is absolutely ok to feel let down by him!

Guess what though men can be so selfish and especially some people who struggle with MH issues - they can’t see past themselves and their own wants/needs!

In your shoes I would let him know that you feel let down by his thoughtless behaviour!

It’s important you do this to establish boundaries going forward

OP, you are just out of a brutal relationship and are now emotionally caught up with a man with mental health problems.
You are giving and he is taking.

This is not a good relationship for you.
You need to be focused on yourself and your children.
Getting yourself strong on your own and healing.
Not providing emotional support for another man.

Wouldn’t bother me at all. He was out hopefully enjoying himself. Let it go - insisting he text you and being so upset he didn’t seems a bit clingy and immature for someone in their 40s!

OP - the comments on this thread are insane. It’s not too much to ask for a new years text from your partner. Not sure why people are saying it’s needy and too much. Absolutely low effort