To be at my wits end with 15 year old dd and latest escapade

Great post. Glad youre ok now.

I'm not sure about the sex work comment, but I agree she needs to see a gp and get a referral for help with alcohol.

If she doesn't learn to control this now it'll be doubly concerning when she goes off to uni.

Ivwas a nightmare teenage (and beyond) drunk for years. I eventually grew out of it but didn't ever get into strangers cars. What's behind it? What's making her want to get so drunk?

Look, it's a six hour wait for issues you are supposed to seek immediate medical attention for, like an ectopic pregnancy.

What, exactly, are A&E nurses and doctors supposed to do or say if the OP rocks up at A&E at 4am on New Year's Day (you posted at 2.50am) with her daughter in tow, to say, "my daughter is sober right now, but she drinks underage and gets dangerously drunk. How do we discourage this?"

Right now, A&E will be full of drunk adults. If A&E nurses could talk people out of binge-drinking, they wouldn't see the same people being brought in every month.

I suppose the OP could take her daughter there specifically to see the drunks in the waiting room?

Asking the GP for a referral to the appropriate service for alcohol abuse in children would be reasonable. A&E on New Year's is not.

I hadn’t even clocked the prostitution comment. I’m astounded by this.

Kindly, and I do mean this kindly, if she were my daughter her 16th birthday would be a dry one, it would be lower key than probably she is expecting, that’s the consequences of last night. A celebration that does not and will not centre on alcohol. A family/friend party at home, or a spa weekend or anything that’s alcohol free.

She has shown she is not responsible or respectful around alcohol. If only to keep her safe, strict guidelines I feel, are vital. Thank goodness she is safe after her last night out, as a Mum you must be terrified.

A&E? And what do you think they’ll be able to do?

Why is she drinking at all? She’s 15. I sometimes feel like I’ve stepped into the twilight zone with other people’s children.

How is she getting access to alcohol? If it’s via friends, then why are you still letting her go to these houses. Similarly, she wants to escape to university - how is she planning to fund that without your support? I wouldn’t be sending a child to university who has untreated alcohol addiction issues.

It’s very lucky that nothing terrible has happened. I would not be carrying on like things were normal, and drastic changes need to be made. Therapy needs to be at the top of the list.

A and E??? For what???

Prostitution???

I would get her connected to your local drug and alcohol service, im sure there must be a young person's service there. Its sounds utterly terrifying.

Can you talk to the friend and to their parents. Find our what happened. Was there a falling out? Who supplied the alcohol? Did friend want to stop and your dd insist on keep drinking.
At 15 she is clearly too immature to handle drink so from now on, socialising only at your house or with one of you present (gym, sports, shopping etc).
Remove all alcohol from your house. Where is she getting money from? Better control on that too.
Ask advice from the school. Ask her if she wants to go to a therapist. Try to get to the bottom of her anxiety. It sounds to me like she wants you to intervene.

Well, I am sad that UK services like for a child walking around barefoot in January are so bad that other posters are saying you cannot take her to A&E.

I can phone for a doctor's appointment here and get one next day or later in the week.

I was also high achiever, drinking to blackout as a teen. Really didn’t manage drinking at university well. Now sober.

As you mention “behaving” I wonder whether worth exploring if alcohol is just not for her.

Can she stop once she starts or does it feel inevitable to continue drinking? Does she explicitly know that other people are not blacking out? That blacking out and memory loss is unusual and not representative of “normal” social drinking? Does she know some people process alcohol differently, and that for some alcohol isn’t a sensible choice at all?

Appreciate may be over-interpreting yet I think of the teen I was, and wish to a degree someone had intervened - it took me many bad incidents to get to sober - which for me now is a great place to be

I’m sorry to say that getting blackout drunk whenever I had the chance was
my modus operandi at that age too. I was extremely anxious and always had been, so
when I discovered booze it felt like a magic cure. For the first time in my life I didn’t feel anxious!

But of course, you build your tolerance. I put myself in some very dangerous positions and would drink anytime, anywhere. If I had sourced a bottle of vodka it was going in my tea mug to drink while I did my homework. Of course I was hiding it from everyone, but my parents weren’t stupid and did try to make it more difficult for me. But they were floundering in the dark.

What was weird was that by 17 I was drinking go blackout stage four or five times a week, but I got good A Levels, went to uni and got a good degree and masters. It was like I was two people: daytime
LambriniBob seemed to be doing okay, but nighttime LambriniBob was a pissed-up mess.

By 23 it was clear I had a problem and after splitting from a long-term partner (who was an enabler as he was a massive pisshead too) it all came to a head. I saw my GP and went to some AA meetings. My GP put me on anti anxiety meds and I had talking therapy, both of which were a revelation.

I have drunk since (I am in my early 40s) but only ever socially and never to the extent I was for those seven or eight years. I was also diagnosed with AuDHD at 35 which explained a lot.

I would bet a pound to a penny that your daughter is highly strung, highly anxious and maybe neurodiverse. She’s still so young, you can nip this in the bud. Get her to the GP, get her some CBT rather than a counsellor (CBT really helped me with my drinking) and if she is anxious get her on something to help with that. I know she’s 15 and it won’t necessarily be easy to get her there, but in your shoes I’d be dragging her, kicking and screaming if necessary. Good luck.

Why did she feel out with her friends? Was she an annoying drunk to them?

Do her friends get this drunk or just her? Also where are they getting the alcohol from at 15 to get this drunk?

You must feel sick you poor thing - not a great start to the new year- getting cars with strangers?!?!

I think for her 16th it will have to be a sleepover no alcohol

Do you know a nurse or police officer who can chat to her - scare some sense into her..

Have you explained to her how to drink and how her body processes alcohol? She may not actually understand that the buzz she gets after the first couple of drinks just needs smaller top ups to be sustained and she doesn't need to keep drinking fast to keep that buzz, as her body will take a lot longer to process the alcohol and sober her up than it took for her to get drunk in the first place.

She may be hearing warnings not to get drunk as people asking her to stay sober, and while ideally she would do just that, realistically advice on how to drink to stay nicely buzzed but not paralytic may be the most practical.

Could friends be spiking her drinks with extra vodka for the fun of watching her get paralytic?

She doesn’t need a&e. Jesus wept - is it any wonder hospitals are in such a state.

Really feel for you OP. I’d ground her for a bloody long time and get a new therapist.

I used to do all that kind of stuff as a teenager and it continues to amaze me how I didn’t get into serious trouble doing it! My parents never knew mind you because I was very good at lying (and no GPS/smartphones back then).

Firstly, don’t take her to the GP or A&E that’s insane. Sounds to me like she needs a new therapist and being grounded each time is perfectly reasonable as punishment.

If you can, approach her college or school - lots of times they’re able to support with mentoring or alike? A joined up approach is probably needed where you and your DH aren’t on your own being ‘the bad guys’.

Behaviourist approaches to getting her to stop risk taking won’t sort this long term - does she have hobbies? What is her social life like? Does she have common interests with you that you can dive into together? Have you looked at her self esteem and why she has the need to ‘escape’ and socialise in this way?

Lastly, if you’re in England you could always reach out to Social Care. The Early Help service (if you have one in your area) is great for supporting families with such things.

OMG, I really feel for you. I don't have any suggestions for you but hope that you and your husband stick together on a solution for your daughter's behaviour. Getting into strangers' cars is so dangerous, as is wandering about late at night, alone, obviously drunk, she is really putting herself in danger. Times have changed so much, we had youth clubs and discos in church halls at her age, with plenty of adult supervision. Good luck with her 🤞

wandering barefoot down the street!!! It's fucking January!

every single time she gets the chance she gets blackout drunk

This is more serious than you and your husband running around can fix.

15 years old?

I'd be taking her to the GP, or A&E. She needs serious intervention.

Sorry you're going through this OP. Kids can be a nightmare but you and her dad have to seriously step up.

Before you know it she'll be forced into prostitution.

I hope others will be by to give serious help with places you can access help. I don't live in UK. Maybe women's Aid to help you guide the way to it.

As a mum I'm worried for her.

That counsellor sounds utterly crap. He should have signposted it to child services, or whatever it's called in UK.

Oh OP mid teen girls can be a nightmare (I was).

In a couple of years she'll hopefully be delightful, but it's so hard for now. She doubtless does just want to party, but she doesn't intend to fall out with friends, wander off when drunk or even get so drunk - she just cannot regulate her emotions or manage drinking so she doesn't get totally wild.

I wouldn't go madly OTT, but every time she does this, she needs to loose privileges she cares about. It should all come good.

Whatever you do, know that you cant trust her.

Such a shame. She is spoiling it for herself.

She would not be going out for her birthday based on her track record if she lived in our family.

What a worry!