How do cut the apron strings? Dd18

You start the process by stopping the tracking of an adult’s movements.

We live in the most surveilled country in Europe , no need for trackers and I believe that they breed anxiety in people anyway.

It sounds like both you and your DH need to get a grip - and stop tracking her! She’s not a lost dog.

I ask DD to put life 360 on if she is driving outside 40mph areas. But she's only been driving a few months and borrows her mums car in the uni holidays. I do plan to stop this during 2026 as she gets more miles under her belt

Why is your DH in a foul mood? That’s a big issue here that needs calling out. Ok he is anxious, but he doesn’t get to take it out on everybody?

These apps don’t make you safe, it’s a false idea of safety it basically some weird surveillance method for family members. I really don’t get it at all and find it super creepy.

Do you ever think about how she’ll manage big life decisions on her own, work, relationships, setbacks, if she hasn’t had much chance to practise independence yet? This should be your driving force, allowing her to slowly do things without you, without your input. We learn so much more from our mistakes than our successes.

At some point, loving our children means tolerating our own discomfort so they can build the skills they’ll need for life. You need to be busy, busy, busy when she is out. No time to dwell.

I think it’s good you’ve got that app.
You obviously love and care for her a lot.
It does get a bit easier in time 💐

Even weirder. Cut the cord op!

We all have each other on Life 360 - including daughter now 23. We offered to take her off the tracker when she turned 18 but she said she liked us to know where she was. She is totally independent but says it made her feel safer when she was at uni. We don’t have anything to hide so it’s not a problem

It is not normal to worry about a grown adult like this. I thought you were talking about a 15-year-old. Get rid of the tracking app. I’ve got two DDs. At 18, one was travelling the world solo, the other one was living and working in Kazakhstan.

Op it is completely normal to worry about them when they have just turned 18 and are out at pubs, driving late, their first Christmas, new years out etc, I didn’t sleep well for ages, restless until I heard the key in the lock and knew they were safely home each night or a fell asleep just knackered. It was easier when I knew they were sleeping elsewhere and I wasn’t expecting them back home that night.

It gets easier after a couple of months as you see them being responsible and independent more and more and eventually you go to bed and sleep!

We still have family find my iPhones, but it is very rare I look at it. It feeds anxieties, if you can’t help yourself from watching it I would suggest removing it,

My sons are 22 and 20.Tonight they have went out .Am I anxious ..yes ..do I express it no.... I tell them have the time of their life and be careful make wise choices .I tell them I'm here 24 /7 if you need me I'll be there. That's the rule ....any hassle ring me and I'll come. If you are genuinely concerned for your daughter you should have a similar set up and do be there if she needs you and don't judge what stupid things she may have done .your job is now to hold her when she needs it not when she doesn't. Best of luck.xx

My 18 year old has life 360 as he is still at school and gets a taxi ( sen school with ehcp). He has all the power to turn it off or delete it. We can all check where we are. Doesn't mean we are constantly checking.

Op it gets easier the more they go out. Mine drink and get drunk even the son at specail needs school. It helps that they are boys as I worry about different things. Eldest is at uni and told me he sits with the homeless chatting in the city centre past 2am. That's when you would rather not know. He was a village bumpkin too until he went to uni. What I don't know, I don't stress over.

You’re probably on edge about it because your DH is so protective and nervousness can be contagious. “No fighting and stick together” were the orders my dad used to issue to me and my friends when we went out.

I think there is a natural end to the tracking apps eg when they turn 18. You will not prevent them from being attacked or driving into a ditch sadly. It gives a false ‘peace of mind’
We all need freedom and the ability to make our own decisions.
My children are older, are autistic and it would never occur to me to track them nor would I want them tracking me.

I find this constant need to track people very odd. No one I know does this in real life but I keep hearing about it on SM

My DD is also 18 next month. We have the Life360 app - DD likes us having it for a variety of reasons (particularly if she's on her way home from college when it's raining and one of us is nearly home from work 😆). We previously used FamilyLink but deleted it when she turned 16.

I think the 3 of you need to have a discussion about what your rules are in your home and things you would like her to do out of respect when she is not at home ( eg a quick message to say plans have changed). I dont expect my DD to share her plans with me but she does, and I do with her. I think if you keep restricting her she may choose to not be open with you.

You sound as paranoid as DH. Why are you checking that she arrives at work? Is it a particularly perilous journey?

We asked her to leave and take us with her. She stayed and even into adulthood expected us to just take whatever our father dished out to keep the peace. I refused to do that.

I vowed to never let that happen to my kids and would have left to protect them. That is a mother's job.

I blame my father for the abuse. I blame my mother for her enabling and failure to protect us, even when we asked her too.

Luckily I have the life 360 app so can track when she’s in the car etc.

I thought you wanted to cut the apron strings?

You need to also trust yourself, that you will cope with whatever it is you fear will happen to her.

Why do you feel the need to track her to work? What does tracking her do except ease your own anxiety?

It's not easy but you cut the apron strings by cutting the apron strings and learning to deal with the anxiety.

Your DH needs to grow up and manage his anxiety better than taking it out on everyone else.

Why are you asking how you can cut the apron strings but then saying you ‘like knowing when she’s at work’ and trying to justify what you are doing? Do you want to start treating her like a responsible grown up person or do you want to continue treating her like an incapable cocker spaniel?

Would you have liked your parents to track you at that age?

Wtf is this tracking stuff. Are you going to watch her constantly if she ever moves out? At 18 I was backpacking on the other side of the world without a phone. I called my mum from a pay phone once a fortnight. I survived, I thrived, I’m a responsible adult with kids of my own and I’m extremely close to my mum who let me grow up and spread my wings and trusted me.

At 17 you had a baby, are you worried she’s going to get pregnant if you don’t track her every move? It’s fucking creepy and weird! Let her grow up. She’s got a responsible job, she’s out sober with her sober mate not doing crack under a bridge. Let her breathe.