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Original poster

Friend's Joke to Her Son

119 replies

Zozo1990 · 31/12/2025 20:49

I want to know if this is appropriate because I was deeply uncomfortable but then again I'm not sure if it's my own prejudices and my job that makes me feel this is wrong...

My friend, who I've known for a while told me that she and her husband sat down her seven-year-old son and told him they had something very important to tell him. His older sister and younger brother were present, too. They said to him that he was left as a baby on their doorstep and they had to take him in. They don't know who his real parents are. He was crying his eyes out she said and she was laughing as she's telling me this like it's funny. My heart broke for that little boy. I can't beleive she thought that was funny. I assume she told him this is a joke, she didn't say anything else.

She's also told me in the past she wanted to slap him because he was crying in school and wanted his mum and she found it embarrassing. I found her language quite surprising, but I assumed she was obviously a bit stressed and didn't mean she literally wanted to slap him. Because she normally comes across as very calm, but she has a highly controlling personality.

OP posts:
fishfingerbutty · 31/12/2025 21:50

I wish I hadn’t opened this thread.

WanderlustMom · 31/12/2025 21:50

This is vile. No way should anyone joke with a 7 year old about things like this.

ClassicalQueen · 31/12/2025 21:49

This is abuse. I’d report it to the school’s safeguarding lead.

Grammarnut · 31/12/2025 21:49

Your friend sounds like a psychopath. Who says such a thing to a child? Poor little boy, what a crap set of parents he has.

Imisscoffee2021 · 31/12/2025 21:47

I feel like parents who talk like that are probably worse at home and kind of testing the waters and unconsciously expressing their disdain for their children or child. This heart breaking, children are so innocent and have to rely on their parents.

Springtimehere · 31/12/2025 21:45

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Anyahyacinth · 31/12/2025 21:44

Zozo1990 · 31/12/2025 21:28

I can't report her as child protection systems do not operate on patterns, vibes, or long-term emotional climate alone especially when:

The children are fed, housed, educated

They attend school and function academically

There is no disclosure from the children

There is no evidence of physical harm, sexual harm, or severe neglect

Edited

There is clear evidence of emotional harm, your report will allow safeguarding leads to monitor more closely
I couldn't be quiet about what you shared and have a clear conscience
Look up what is abuse

jannier · 31/12/2025 21:43

Zozo1990 · 31/12/2025 21:28

I can't report her as child protection systems do not operate on patterns, vibes, or long-term emotional climate alone especially when:

The children are fed, housed, educated

They attend school and function academically

There is no disclosure from the children

There is no evidence of physical harm, sexual harm, or severe neglect

Edited

You write down all details and ring social services just like for other abuse others including her family may already have raised concerns your report adds to the picture. If she does more you report it again. You do not know what the school etc have recorded already.

RedFrogs · 31/12/2025 21:41

Very concerning behaviour. If that’s the type of thing she’s willing to openly talk about then I’d be wondering what else goes on in her house.

JulieJo · 31/12/2025 21:41

If they live in the UK you can report to your local Safeguarding team at your local council. Belittling or humiliating a child is abuse.

Naws · 31/12/2025 21:40

I want to know if this is appropriate because I was deeply uncomfortable but then again I'm not sure if it's my own prejudices and my job that makes me feel this is wrong

What job could you possibly do that makes you worry this is your own prejudices and her behaviour towards her kids might NOT be wrong???

Whatever it is, it's very worrying that you need to ask Mumsnet if it's appropriate or not.

jannier · 31/12/2025 21:39

PlacidPenelope · 31/12/2025 20:55

Both those incidents are fucking awful.

Are you brave enough to pull her up on these incidents? I'd be very concerned for that child, what she is doing/saying is cruel.

I would have zero respect for a parent who did this and would be unable to be friends with them.

Unfortunately both your suggestions leave children in an abusive situation the only way to deal with this is to report it.

nomas · 31/12/2025 21:37

My dad always told me gypsies left me in a basket at the door. Even as a young child I knew he was joking and that I was loved beyond measure.

Sounds like the way she did it was not nice.

ElizabethsTailor · 31/12/2025 21:37

Zozo1990 · 31/12/2025 21:28

I can't report her as child protection systems do not operate on patterns, vibes, or long-term emotional climate alone especially when:

The children are fed, housed, educated

They attend school and function academically

There is no disclosure from the children

There is no evidence of physical harm, sexual harm, or severe neglect

Edited

Of course you can, and should, inform the school. It might help them to piece together a pattern of behaviour, and as a minimum it gives them a heads up to look out for him.

PInkyStarfish · 31/12/2025 21:36

It’s not just her is it, you say that her and her husband sat the child down and told him he was left in the doorstep as an infant and he cried in distress.

This sounds like a deadly combination of the pair of them finding it amusing to taunt their children and get pleasure when they cry and are distressed.

I would have told her at the time that what she and her husband have done is downright cruel.

I would never talk to her again and I would phone the safeguarding team at the school and just ask them to keep an eye on the children, then you have to walk away from the family and not be drawn into a toxic environment.

arcticpandas · 31/12/2025 21:34

Can you tell her she's harming them emotionally @Zozo1990 ? I would frankly not care to save a friendship with such a cruel person.

HippopotamusForChristmas · 31/12/2025 21:33

I couldn't be friends with a cunt like this

Tinsles · 31/12/2025 21:31

So unbelievably emotionally abusive.
I would 100% call the school and spell out your examples.
She is a complete witch.
Funnily enough my father said the same thing to me more than 50 years ago.
It is a really early traumatic memory.
My mother wasn't party to it and was very annoyed with him.
He kept saying it was just a joke.
But it was a perfect example of a bullying arsehole.
When I went NC with him aged 30 and never had anything further to do with him, he was devastated until his death.🤣

ThePoshUns · 31/12/2025 21:29

If this is true your friend is a psycho.

StephensLass1977 · 31/12/2025 21:29

Of course it isn't appropriate. I felt sick reading that, and I have a strong stomach for all sorts of jokes. But this isn't a joke in any sense of the word. It's abuse. What on earth made her think this was funny? I bet she thought she was a genius thinking of it and putting the plan in action - and even roping in siblings?

She is a cunt. That poor boy. My heart goes out to him. I bet he could do with a huge cuddle.

Dollymylove · 31/12/2025 21:28

What a nasty thing to do to a small.child . I would be reporting it as well
Poor kid x.

Original poster
Zozo1990 · 31/12/2025 21:28

I can't report her as child protection systems do not operate on patterns, vibes, or long-term emotional climate alone especially when:

The children are fed, housed, educated

They attend school and function academically

There is no disclosure from the children

There is no evidence of physical harm, sexual harm, or severe neglect

OP posts:
treesandsun · 31/12/2025 21:28

I definitely think you should report this to the school because if this is the things that she is telling you I dare say there are worse things that she's kept to herself and somebody needs to be looking out for that child.

isyouready · 31/12/2025 21:22

Report her

jannier · 31/12/2025 21:19

Zozo1990 · 31/12/2025 21:00

I found her odd over the years like she blows hot and cold. Push and pull kind of dynamic with her. She had cut her entire family off for three years, which included missing her brothers wedding and having a baby duaghter and no one visited her. I felt sorry for her then and helped her a lot. But after this incident with her child, it's made me pull back and "analyse" all this as part of a bigger picture. I haven't met up with her for a month and this has been really playing on my mind. She said she called her youngest (six-year-old) a dog and he got so upset "he cried like he'd been hit" so she said I apologised so he would be quiet. But generally, she is very calm and controlled. She has no emotional depth though so it must be that she is low in empathy (obviously). Urghhh.

Funnily enough, she's always criticising other people's kids and other people's parenting.

Edited

Please tell me your going to report this abuse its extremely damaging and nasty with long term affects.