Our lives being run on partners mother's life!

OP I think you’ve been looking at the wrong information online. You don’t need a court order to remove someone from your house when they have no claim or ownership of the house. Just pack up a bin bag of his stuff, stick it outside, and change the locks. He has no rights here.

So my partners mother lived with us for 4 months after lockdown and she gave everyone so much hell, from refusing to wash and only agrees to wash every 4-6 weeks. That caused such a stench. I wad expected to guve her a shower myself whilst I was in early pregnancy, and that meant lifting her etc as she had a stroke few years back.
All that was not appreciated, she used to curse me like butter wouldnt melt, She would be verbally abusive and called me and my grown up daughters names. I spent most of my days in tears and suffered.so much stress at her hands. I lost that pregnancy. My Partner would say well shes old and shes angry because she had a stroke.
Fast forward..., she moved out and lives in a bungalow 20mins walk away - she has now been diagnosed with dementia. Here is the issue -My Partner is in seriously in denial about the dementia to be point where even if her mobility is poor, poor memory, can't make any decisions, always falling in that bungalow (ive now refused to go and manually lift her up), shes incontinent of urine and faeces but he refuses to entertain any talk of a home at least to give her quality of life. She has Carers 4.times a day but she refused washes and still smells badly.

For context when I met my Partner he moved in my house and am a sole owner. I feel that he doesn't want his mum to go in a home because he'll lose inheriting her house when she dies as the Council would expect it to be sold to cover the care.
We were with her at Xmas and id booked a meal out. I paid £480 for the meal and my Partner didnt even offered to go halves. His mother wanted to pay something and he kept saying to her mum its already been paid for - I asked him why he was saying that as it hadn't been. She was kicking off in the restaurant, wet herself and was parting so loud and laughing about it...

Now we were suppose to eat at our local pub tomorrow for New Year day lunch but my Partner has now cancelled this late this afternoon, because she is still kicking off and if we went alone ( I have a 20 year daughter from my first marriage and two girls with him 6 and 4), apparently she'd miss out! So we cant go. He was meant to be paying for that, so thats cancelled.

Instead he says he is bringing her here to the house and he will cook!

AIBU after all I've been through to feel like my life is now determined by this woman and now shes ruined Xmas and now ruining New Year too?

Can I refuse for her to come and ask him to go be with his mum for New Year lunch. Normally I wouldn't mind supporting him with her but she's not a nice person. Even her neighbours don't speak to her so shes very lonely.

Thanks for reading and allowing me to rant❤️.

Am on the verge of thinking about splitting with him and asking him to leave but I dont want to raise kids alone when he's out there but the situation with his mum is draining and he gets very anxious and gets all over the place which affects the dynamics here.

Basically she rules and dictates what happens to everyone. I equally blames him too! Do I ask him to move in with his mother so I can breathe? Ive suggested this snd he refuses claiming he loves me🙄

Don't ask about love please,it doesnt matter t

• the issues are summarised above

Thanks again if youve read this far Xx

"he won't leave and last time I packed his stuff he threatened to call police and went proper mental"

Go to your local police station. Tell them this and ask them what to do. Forget about what your neighbours think.

Ive researches and have to get Court involved as he won't leave and last time I packed his stuff he threatened to call police and went proper mental eith his anxiety pacing up and down saying I can throw him out! Bills are £3.5 ish total, he gives me.800 straight and doesnt pay any bills. Or nursery fees ive paid since last one DD almost 4 was 6months at nursery. Everytime I bring the Financial burden he shouts its not the point and won't dicuss it further
My plan is.to.get him out then claim he pays maintenance or co-parents 50/50.
He refuses to work FT!

Your partner is the entire problem, he’s a leech. Won’t allow his mother to be properly cared for so he can have her house when she dies and then living in your house with you paying for everything and running around after him.

This woman and her son are the reason you lost your baby.

Kick them both out.

Seriously. Get child support off him. He can live with his smelly mother.

So it's less to do with your grievance towards his mother, and more to do with you wanting to get rid of your partner. I hope you're not being egged on by people on here who are so quick to tell you to get rid of him. How was your relationship before the strain of looking after his mum? Dementia is a cruel disease and needs professional help, he sounds like he can't accept that his mum needs more help now than home carers, a more permanent arrangement, ie care home would be more appropriate, although finances are an issue, and selling her house to pay for the care home is annoying but necessary. You have children with this man, were you happy together before having to deal with his mum and her dementia? Give your situation plenty of thought, you don't know how long his mum has left, it's probably very difficult for him to see his mum deteriorating with the dementia, it's very tough. Relationships have ups and downs, it would be good if you could support one another through the bad times, we are all strangers to you, don't throw everything away on the basis that some people on here want you to dump him and hang him out to dry, so to speak. Good luck in deciding what to do, but don't be hasty x

The undue haste which so many MN posters advocate , splitting up a relationship especially with young children involved - is one of the MOST annoying things on MN
However . This is one of the few times I would say that for the sake of the kids and your happiness, he has to go.

You will find it a lot easier without this dead weight around your neck. Your home will be happier as well !

Your partner has his eye on his main chance . He thought fhat getting his name out on your dead’s was a sure fire way - only you were too smart to allow it , so now he is eagerly awaiting his mothers death and denying her the appropriate care because he wants his money . Or money he thinks is his.
someone needs to make a referral to adult safeguarding at her local council and fast x