Not invited to events with siblings and parent

Possible reasons:

you live a long way away (ridiculous example but my brother lives in New Zealand so isn’t invited to most uk stuff unless we already know he is over)

you do antisocial stuff - eg use drugs, etc which means parents/siblings don’t want to around/fund you difficult to be around

historic situations eg siblings have had major rows about stuff and really don’t like each other so parents see separately

space - my SIL had 7 children and PIL simply couldn’t fit all 13 grandchildren in the house at once

ah, I see you have posted you have a child with complex needs. That’ll be it,

I am sorry to tell you, since you don't seem to believe it, that some people don't enjoy spending time with kids with complex needs, especially when that involves meltdowns, and even when that child is a family member. Just because you don't see his needs any more it doesn't mean they don't. I would guess with a high level of confidence that this is the reason your family exclude you. And then they turn it round on you and say you are too sensitive. They are not nice people. Fuck em and find your own tribe/new family.

I think the issue is the events they are going to are ones that might be too much for your child. It is sad you miss out but I expect it would be hard on you if you tried the activity and your child had a meltdown because of it.
Could you look at special SEN sessions when it comes to Christmas events and then invite your family along to those times?

Well if you absolutely don’t believe your DC complex needs are a factor, despite stating that your family started excluding you from the time he arrived, I guess you have no explanation…

10 years ago now..just finished uni and my mum asked me to look after her 2 dogs AND my brothers dog because mum dad, both siblings and all the grandchildren had booked a family holiday to our/my favourite holiday destination 🫠 i would have loved a holiday to celebrate all my hard work thanks for asking 😆 🤣

Your not being Unreasonable or sensitive. Everyone going to event's and not even inviting you is shitty behaviour and their response that their sorry YOU FEEL that way is even shittier. Its not a you problem its them

This happened to me recently 🥲 I have 2 brothers who still live at home (27 & 30) and both parents. I was asked to look after the dog (ive done this before because they've all been away separately) in May and said no problem as I'd done the year before as no-one else was around. Thought nothing more of it and found out months later that my mum, dad, both brothers and partners had all booked a holiday in May and that's why I'd been asked to look after the dog. To say I was pissed is an understatement. My mum isn't herself since she had a brain tumor removed about 2.5 years ago, I just can't get over the fact that not 1 person thought to ask me why I wasn't coming or check with me etc.. ive dkne a lot over the years for noth my brothers and parents. Im 40 shortly so there is an age gap but still. My mum put it down to the fact I have my own family now (just me and DH and my BIL & SIL) and that was that. Gutted! It hasn't changed how I see things now. It's there house against mine if that makes sense? Im often left out of conversations as I'm out of sight and out of mind

I think so too.

If it were me and that is the reason, I would feel hurt too.

Ah, I see a significant drip feed that I cross posted with.

It’s almost certainly the complex need thing. What are the needs? Not that it makes it right, but might explain things

This will be the answer. You have a child with complex needs. As harsh as it sounds they probably want to sometimes do things without having to adapt to fit their needs and without having to restrict what their kids are allowed to do.

Sorry, realise it's your mum.

Yes, that would feel hurtful. Has she been ok otherwise? Where has this come from, do you think?

So there’s the drip feed. Do you think the fact that one of your DC has complex needs is the likely reason why you are excluded from some events?

I am sure this is hurtful.

So this is one event you have been 'excluded' from? Or multiple?

FWIW, I think it is perfectly normal for not everybody to be invited all of the time. My brothers regularly get together with their families. Sometimes our mum is there too. Sometimes I get together with one or other of my brothers, also sometimes with mum there too. It can get quite chaotic and busy if all of us are together with all of our families, as there at least 13 of us. Even booking a table somewhere can be a problem. Let alone trying to get that many tickets for things and accommodate ages, interests and mobility needs.

Yes that would feel hurtful.

Is it your mum or your Husbands mum?

So you asked them why you were excluded and said you felt upset by it and they responded only with they were sorry you felt that way? Nothing else was said? It would be really helpful if you could be a bit more forthcoming op, this thread is like trying to get blood out of a stone! Did they invite you to things before you had your child with complex needs? What are the needs - do they impact what can be comfortably done in a social setting?

That would be it I'm afraid. Complex needs as in autism/adhd? Behaviour that can bother some? My 15 y old ASD still can get meltdowns but is generally "behaved" when outside our home now but when he was younger it could be hard. We were never excluded from family but sometimes I turned things down with friends because I knew I had to spend the whole time watching him and being ready to intervene so I didn't see the point of it.

If you are not watching and intervening I understand that they don't invite you because it can ruin it for everyone. If you do keep him close and you are proactive then I think they are not very nice people. Only you know the answer to that.

Ahhhh just seen “ complex needs” well that explains a lot more
do they just assume you can’t come because it’s too hard?
if so but shitty and ignorant of them but I am sad to tell you it’s part and parcel of the loneliness of being a sen parent - really sucks that it’s your family doing this to you , you need to have a tough conversation with them and them you and your sen child must be included

That sounds tough OP, you'd hope that family would be sure to include you and your children especially with the additional challenges you face. Very selfish of them🙁

Your manner of communication in this post suggest you are not a straight forward communicator and your inability to express and explain the problem clearly IS the problem
for sensible relevant advise I need to know

Previous history of dynamics in your family from childhood to present day ie are you the black sheep of your family ? Do you all generally get along ? Any history of being left out / ignored / abused/

any mitigating factors i.e is there any significant age gaps geographical issues that make it easier for that lot to meet up that could account for why you are left out ?

how many times has this actually happened happened ? And how have you found out about meet ups ?