Another short-term relationship ended...why? :(

Pretty sure @ChamonixMountainBum was being sarcastic...

And nor should he if he can avoid manhandling her.

Besides, there's more than one thing to be scared of.

For all we know he was scared of her unpredictability during her heightened emotional state over a small argument.

Because he did not use his alpha male physical size and super manliness to simply move the small woman out of his way.

Why is he a pathetic excuse for a man?

It’s definitely not fair. “Unsafe”?? He’s a pathetic excuse for a man. I know you will feel heartbroken but it will pass. So sorry this has happened to you.

Again: Two, maybe three posters have criticised the man. Maybe you should read the thread again?

EUPD

Two, maybe three posters have criticised the man. Maybe you should read the thread again?

I had a boyfriend do that to me once and it felt really, really aggressive. I finished with him too so I can’t say I blame him.

Too much drama. I would have left too

I agree, but she just said “another” with no additional information, it could mean 1 or 10.

I genuinely reported this because it’s got so many red flags that I thought it must be fake. Sorry, OP. So let’s look at all the things that worry me here, and maybe some of them are just phrasing sounding badly:

”another short-term relationship ended” - how often does that happen if you’re saying “another”?

”another relationship where I was in love” - how fast do you fall in love, if you’re constantly having short-term relationships where you’re in love ending?

”We were in a small argument and he got up to try to leave and I was really emotional, crying a lot etc” - Why were you really emotional and crying a lot for a small argument?

“Next day he said I blocked him from leaving and stood in front of the door… ofc I apologised and I don’t have form for this” - So you DID block the door? It doesn’t matter if he’s “bigger and stronger;” what you did was abusive, and you’re using the old abuser’s excuse of saying you’ve never done it before or you don’t have form for it

”it was just an emotionally heightened situation” - this doesn’t make what you did acceptable

“Is this fair?” - What do mean, is it fair? You crossed his boundaries, most people are going to agree you crossed acceptable boundaries, and he, appropriately, ended it. I would have too.

Note: I have had relationships with both men and women and the size of the other person doesn’t determine how acceptable or unacceptable my actions are. It would always be unacceptable to block someone from the door. If I did it, I would expect someone to break up with me. And if you were blocking the door after he made it clear it was over, you’re lucky he didn’t call the police on you (I would call the police before I put my hands on an ex, 5 feet 0 or not).

Yours was totally unacceptable behaviour. As other posters have said you need to work on yourself and I would suggest while single. If he felt unsafe, he felt unsafe and that's that. Good for him ending it. Sorry I know it's hard. Best of luck.

@buzzheath I'm almost 34. Have a good life, job, hobbies, my own flat etc. Don't want kids but would love a long-term partner.

All positive points.

Another relationship where I was in love has ended. He ended it. We were in a small argument and he got up to try to leave and I was really emotional, crying a lot etc. Next day he said I blocked him from leaving and stood in front of the door and this crossed boundaries and made him feel unsafe.

It's hard to see why someone would end a relationship because of the girlfriend standing in front of a door.

So basically, it's not possible to answer your question from the information provided, and there is some other reason why the relationship has ended.

The most vicious, hard nosed women I have encountered have all been short. Like snappy Jack Russells so I'll ignore your ickle wickle me stance. From the information in your OP you sound like you might be quite intense, a bit emotionally wobbly ( crying hard after a small argument, not sure if this was pre or post split though) blocking someone's exit is at best needy, but totally unacceptable. Your ex has told you how he felt at this incident, Listen, understand, and reflect.

Feeling 'unsafe' in a relationship does not automatically mean being at risk of physical violence. It can mean a complete lack of respect , trust, harmful recurring patterns of behavior that make one partner feel scared, controlled, or pressured.

It's also a bit shit to assume that just because a woman is small that a larger bloke should be able to 'handle' himself in the event of physical assault. What's he supposed to do, just stand there while she let's off steam hitting him?

OP, did you barricade him in?

Can be equally manipulative of him to say he feels ‘unsafe’ and use that to leave situation and avoid addressing things.

It's not as simple as the difference in physical size or strengh though, is it? If you had chosen to be violent with him, what could he realistically do to protect himself? Be physically aggressive or overpowering to you in return? How would that look, with you being five foot and female?

Whether you would have been violent or threatening is not even the point. It's that you didn't react well to an emotionally charged situation and he felt uncomfortable with your behaviour. If you blocked him from leaving when he had made it clear he wished to leave, in the belief that he'd never physically shove or drag you aside to get past, then that's extremely manipulative and provocational on your part. You were setting him up to fail unless you got your own way.

He wants someone who can handle conflict in a more mature way and not someone who is prepared to use controlling tactics to get what they want.

Do your other relationships end in a similar way? Perhaps you need to have some counselling to explore your behaviour (are you needy, emotionally manipulative, confrontational etc but perhaps don’t realise it); sometimes we have low self esteem and subconsciously self-sabotage relationships to prove to ourselves we are not deserving (can be rooted in childhood or earlier relationship trauma). If you had a dysfunctional childhood it can also be that you don’t actually have a healthy model of human relationships (am wondering whether this may be why you don’t want children? No judgement but if it’s a factor you need to explore this.)

I’d suggest stop seeing anyone for now and do some work on yourself to understand what you may be doing that is triggering the end of these relationships and to explore what your expectations are and idea is of a ‘normal healthy relationship’ as this may need recalibrating.

BINGO

this is so wrong, So he cannot feel unsafe because she is a woman and small?

barricading someone from exiting at free will can be criminal FYI

Once again a woman behaves badly and its the man who gets flamed for being weak. What was he supposed to do, physically put his hands on her to move her out of the way. Then he would be abusive, stand there and take what ever was thrown his way, (emotionally) then he is wet for not reacting. No wonder men are staying single for longer.

Yeah, you fucked up here. What good comes from hysterically crying and standing in front of the door to prevent him from getting a breather? You’re obviously much better discussing things when everyone has calmed down ie you stop crying, he clears his head. By doing what you did, you were basically pressuring him into your point of view and to say that you’re right as to stop you from crying sort of thing.

personally, I hate conflict and in a situation like that, I would have wanted space ie alone time to clear my head and readjust. I don’t like being in a state of heightened emotion, to me that increases conflict. So, trying to leave is a way of de-escalating the situation and stopping more conflict. So if you were insisting I don’t leave, regardless of your height, I would find that intimidating

1. You describe it as "another relationship where I was in love" and also as "short-term". So, just how easily / quickly do you fall "in love"? Do you believe it to be 'love'?
2. Do you cry easily?Do you think other people would think the "small argument" merited tears? Are you over-emotional?
3. Did you block him from leaving?
4. Men know they are bigger and stronger than women, and good men are careful not to use their strength against us. It's all very well dismissing your blocking him, but a good man would not have wanted to use his strength to move you, and he would not have been certain that you would not have 'gone for him' had he tried, given that you were willing to block the doorway in the first place. Given all that, can you see why blocking the doorway might have made him feel unsafe, despite the height and strength advantage he had?

"Feeling so bereft and sad. Is this fair?"
It's ok to feel sad, but being reflective would be better. Have a ponder on how you might come across to romantic partners. I suspect you come across as a bit too keen to move the relationship into 'serious' before you've finished the 'exploring' stage.