AIBU to think by age 40 I should have more say over how I spend my days?

Actually from the last few sentences it sounds as though it's her husband micromanaging her - I'm wondering more why she has to go here and there with her adult husband...

Say no. Stop being such a bloody martyr!

I totally get it OP. It depends of course on local public transport too, so often we tell our kids not to walk places alone then it backfires. I had an eye opener a few months back when ds asked/ demanded a lift when I just sat down and I overhead DH saying 'leave her alone now' and DS said 'why can't she bring me, she is doing nothing else now anyway'. After that things got much firmer for him and I realised he was becoming truly entitled and saw me as nothing but his slave. I had to really push back and even be a bit mean to get the message across.

I think you could start by insisting on a schedule, you'll know teens are notoriously bad at arranging in advance but they will have to try. On the schedule there are 2 days off for you. No lifts no dinners no laundry and no fixing random problems. If they get used to the concept of mum's day off they will learn to work around it

Just say no, and tell them to figure things out for themselves.

You are doing this to yourself. Just say no.

No to unscheduled plans and no to agreeing to plans when you already have your own plan to relax and rest.

Stop being a martyr, there isn't a special place in heaven for you.

Say no to unscheduled interruptions unless they are a genuine emergency. What would you do if, say, one of your teens asked for a lift to a friend's house when you were on your way out the door to drive your mum to a doctor's appointment in the opposite direction? You'd have to say no, right? So say no when someone makes a last-minute request when you had time scheduled for yourself as well. And don't feel guilty about it.

Why in gods name would you tolerate this?
Take to the bed and tell your husband not to come near you.
Tell your parents that you are unavailable and as for your teenagers, get the bus or ask your father.

Family will use you as much as they can and you allow.
We teach people how to treat us.
I have kids and none would be telling me I am doing anything.

They ask politely for a lift.
Woman up for 2026.

"I have teenagers , always wanting lifts, money, arranging social lives without even asking me first then expecting me to drop everything and take them here, there and everywhere"
Start the new year by having a talk with them and telling them you want days off, so only prearranged lifts happen now. Have you picked somewhere rural to live? If not, they don't need lifts. You streamline your parents care, I've had to do it. I only shop twice a week for someone I care for. I make set days to do online stuff for them. There's no more random half days on the phone to the council etc. I've been tough and said they've got to embrace direct debits, over the phone payments, smart meters etc. My Saturdays are no longer spent doing their bidding because they want bets putting on, in a physical betting shop. You have an honest conversation with your DH. I take it you are in Peri menopause, or possibly starting? You will end up in complete burn out, if you don't take action now.

Nobody likes a martyr!

You are staying at home today, in pyjamas. Nobody can make you do otherwise.

It's self-inflicted misery. Just say no to unreasonable requests.

You need to start saying no a bit more often. If all else fails, invent a migraine and go for a long lie down. Hole up in the bedroom with snacks, drinks and Netflix!

You need to set boundaries. Your kids shouldn't be making plans they cannot get to without asking permission. Your partner shouldn't be making plans for you without discussing with you. Just say no and stand firm, it is not healthy for your children or partner to be allowed to treat people like this. You are having a PJ day today and Friday your partner is taking DC and friend shopping.

Being a martyr wont make it stop

It’s how you’ve set your life up, no boundaries and being a people pleaser.

Say no and stop giving lifts to teenagers, let them walk or take the bus.

Unless it’s a genuine emergency (take DC to hospital type thing), your time is when you say it is.

Just wanted to say that I’m 41 and feel increasingly the same. I think in was in burnout before this hol and desperately needed to unwind. However as a busy mum, it feels impossible. I’m just relieved I don’t have the school runs on top of being an endless taxi driver for activities, cook, cleaner, organiser, life administrator 😮‍💨 I do dream about being on a tropical island somewhere alone at times 🏝️🥹

Ps your family probably had no idea you’re feeling stretched until you had your tantrum today, they are not mind readers. My mum used to do this sometimes - if you just say I’m tired I’m going to rest for next couple of days no lifts from me you’ll need to arrange your own social stuff or ask dad, that’s better and less scary for kids then suddenly you having a meltdown you’ll seem unhinged and put them on edge and make them feel they have to walk on eggshells

"I haven't time. Fuck off."

You don’t need to stamp your feet.
you either need to get used to saying no, or to block out ‘rest days’ on the calendar when you’re staying home without plans and the rest of the family can sort themselves out.
why can’t teens get buses? If you live very rurally then you need to make a plan with teens and husband at the start of holidays about who is doing a taxi when, or just send your kids in a taxi.

Just say no. Admittedly where you live makes a difference, but i simply told my dc to catch the bus or walk, my parents drove and still do 10 years on

Just say no. Teens can make their own arrangements. Both my DH and I have cars but the first thing I did when my DS was of age, was get him going on buses to get used to them.

Agree with this, otherwise you will burn out. Looking after yourself is so important. I see saying no to people's excessive or unreasonable requests as empowering them to do things for themselves.

Start saying no op. The world won’t end if you stop giving teens lifts/stop jumping every time your parents want something, etc. You keep giving, they’ll keep taking, so stop doing it.

Just say no.

Well saying this most kindly... but youre enabling it.

You're doing all the activities, youre allowing people to determine the direction your life takes, and what your days hold.

Stop acting like a child and stropping, and start acting like an adult.

You're not the taxi driver, the maid, the PA,

If someone expects you to give them a lift - (dont apologise, youre not sorry) - that doesnt work for me, you'll have to make alternative arrangements.

DH can do all this stuff if he wants, but let him... you dont have to. Check out.

And drop the mental load of it as well...