Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New puppy...

355 replies

Doggynono · 31/12/2025 10:20

I am not a dog person never have been...DP loves dogs all four kids love dogs. I am allergic to dogs some I can tolerate. Anyway they all went on and on DP told me for the kids childhood we should get them a dog I caved. He promised he would do everything with the dog. We got a 'hypoallergenic' breed I went and visited without taking antihistamine twice and all was fine. Anyway we're a week into having the new puppy and my allergies are flaring up. I just feel crap with them sore eyes, sneezing, a little bit wheezing thankfully no rashes. I'm trying not to be round her too much as I feel miserable have been taking 2 antihistamines a day but they aren't doing much. DP is raging at me he keeps throwing me dirty looks when I sneeze so there is no way I can say about Rehoming. He's also huffing about having to sleep downstairs with the dog while we crate train but again he was the one who wanted the dog not me. Plus I don't want to do that on the kids and dog.

any tips on what I can do here? Do hepa air purifiers work? I hoover, mop and damp wipe every day and she isn't allowed upstairs

OP posts:
Doubledenim305 · 01/01/2026 20:41

Doggynono · 31/12/2025 10:29

I know i had held strong for years. Other family members got dogs in the summer and I seen how much my children loved them I felt bad not allowing them now I'm miserable. Tbh I think I'm more annoyed at how unsupportive DP is being he can see my face is swollen around my eyes and they are bloodshot and streaming with water and constantly sneezing I'm not making it up

That's awful 😔 he sounds selfish.
Take the dog back and let him sulk.
Hold back on helping him out while he is punishing you with his sulking and looks.
Just be distant and don't let him wield that power over you.
How totally despicable to resent you for having an allergic reaction. Sorry that's hit a nerve with me. Do what's right for your health.

Catsbreakfast · 01/01/2026 19:57

Doggynono · 31/12/2025 10:55

she is a Maltipoo x cockapoo

yes i have been careful that before bed I change out of the pjs I wore downstairs around the dog and this morning DP wanted to go up to lie down so I asked him to change his pjs as he'd been around the dog and he then gave off at me for being controlling and that I just don't like the dog...🙄

she has had a bath and bedding is spotless
will try an air purifier

That’s not a breed, that’s a mongrel (although cute) none of these breeds are “hypoallergenic” either, so it’s a double con. Poor dog.

Yourcatisnotsorry · 01/01/2026 19:52

Three of my family have cat allergies, as do I. We always had cats as children and never really noticed any allergic symptoms. Once siblings moved out and lived without cats they noticed the allergic symptoms whenever they visited a home with cats. I kept cats and have the same allergic reaction but only when grooming them or getting the fur in my face. I do wonder if there is some exposure therapy at play and hopefully if you keep the dog your allergies will lessen? Your DH sounds awful though. If keep tye dog and ditch him.

27Bananas · 01/01/2026 19:50

I'm not sure if anyone else has suggested this, but please look into Avamys nasal spray. I struggled so much for years and this resolved so much for me.

Unfortunately I don't have an easy solution for your husband 😟

Pessismistic · 01/01/2026 19:42

Your dh is a selfish twat you tell him your not wanting to get rid of the dog but it is his dog as he paid for it so this makes it his responsibility and tell him straight your suffering daily and he seems more concerned about his dog. Tell him the dog is lovely and if you had to choose between the 2 of them the dog would win. He needs to meet you half way you cannot be near the dog or responsible and if he has to change his clothes tough luck.

Newsenmum · 01/01/2026 19:38

tinyspiny · 31/12/2025 10:37

I’d be leaving anybody who said this .

Yeah. Your husband sounds like a nasty pos. Isnt he worried about you at all?

Mackerelfillets · 01/01/2026 19:29

Doggynono · 31/12/2025 12:14

I had read crate training is good for dogs for independence is it cruel?

We put our dog in a crate only at bedtime as a puppy. I switched the living room light off and he walked to his crate. Cockerpoo dude of a dog. He's an old man now, pretty much deaf and eye sight not good. He sleeps on our bedroom floor.

Ashmas · 01/01/2026 19:21

Grammarnut · 01/01/2026 19:08

Not necessarily. Dogs, unlike cats, can breed at any time of year and the pups may have been an accident. They still need homes even if it's Christmas.

Sorry but accidents like this happen to irresponsible owners.
I get irrationally angry at irresponsible owners and breeders. Those who purchase and support these mixed mutt "breeders" that promise everything the idiot buyer wants to hear are just as irresponsible.
There needs to be tougher breeding laws and harsher penalties for doing it. Plus the buyers of these genetic nightmares should be penalised too..

Can't understand why people still support it. Often see these atrocities selling for thousands more than a pure bred dog where you can be guaranteed the characteristics. It's like people enjoy being ripped off to see what surprise they get. Like a blind bag toy forgetting it's an actual little life involved.

People deserve what they get when they support dodgy breeders. There are animals lives at stake here but the breeders only see money and idiots are gullible. Sad state of affairs.

Zero sympathy for any outcome where people buy these things. Kinda knew it was c going to be a poodle cross something (though I'd didn't expect that many breeds involved (crossing cross breeds are a whole new set of genetic problem) any time someone uses the word hypo-allergenic when referring to a dog they bought you can always put money on the fact they're gullible and have bought into the dodgy marketing of a dodgy breeder.

Ashmas · 01/01/2026 19:14

Doggynono · 31/12/2025 10:55

she is a Maltipoo x cockapoo

yes i have been careful that before bed I change out of the pjs I wore downstairs around the dog and this morning DP wanted to go up to lie down so I asked him to change his pjs as he'd been around the dog and he then gave off at me for being controlling and that I just don't like the dog...🙄

she has had a bath and bedding is spotless
will try an air purifier

Why not a straight poodle?!
Can't stand the cross bred mixed mutts they charge a bomb for and promise all sorts of things it will and won't have. But the thing is they can't pick which genes the crossed mutt gets. You have a dog with a while lot going on there and you could have got a straight poodle and been guaranteed what you're going to get.
There is also no such thing as a legitimate registered breeder of a cross breed because they aren't a breed. The only registration they can get is a made up one by dodgy breeders to sound legit.

Sorry but your second mistake after agreeing to get a dog is the mess that breed sounds. A poodle would probably have been ok but you could have the dominant gene being the other breed meaning it will shed etc...

What a mess..but I never feel sorry for people who support the ridiculous dodgy breeders selling their cross bred mutts....

Highlandgal · 01/01/2026 19:13

The only victim in this is the dog.

Highlandgal · 01/01/2026 19:11

Grammarnut · 01/01/2026 19:08

Not necessarily. Dogs, unlike cats, can breed at any time of year and the pups may have been an accident. They still need homes even if it's Christmas.

Cats can breed all year round too. It’s very unlikely these puppies were an accident.

Rednotdead · 01/01/2026 19:09

Bloody hell, your dp sounds like a right charmer

Grammarnut · 01/01/2026 19:08

Grumblies · 31/12/2025 10:34

It seems bonkers to agree when you are allergic to dogs to get a dog and to get one over Christmas indicates it didn't come from a sensible breeder so unfortunately you're unlikely to be able to send her back.

Not necessarily. Dogs, unlike cats, can breed at any time of year and the pups may have been an accident. They still need homes even if it's Christmas.

Laura95167 · 01/01/2026 18:57

Not really sure why you didnt get a cat/rabbit/something else

But now you have you do need to talk to DH. Go.to GP see if you can stronger antihistamines. Tell DH if that doesnt work rehousing may need to be considered but also remind him if he wants this he needs to get over his moods. He cant ask you to make yourself ill for a dog hes whinging about caring for

EverythingsSoComplicated · 01/01/2026 18:53

Also asking for a friend how do you travel in a vehicle with a dog in Finland, Austria, Sweden? How does the police travel with their police cars and police dogs doing a shift is it in a crate by any chance? Is that police dog in their for like 8 hours and just brought out when needed and let out to exercise. It's also a adult dog right???? not a puppy?????

Zeborah · 01/01/2026 18:48

Some air purifiers are poisonous to dogs

EverythingsSoComplicated · 01/01/2026 18:47

CoubousAndTourmaIet · 01/01/2026 18:29

Crating is cruel. It is illegal in Finland, Sweden and Austria, with good reason. It can cause muscle atrophy in larger breeds as well as having an impact psychologically.
Dogs can have a safe space within your home without being locked in a cage all night.

Not in the UK it's not. Please supply all documentation and proof of this nonsense. I'm guessing you believe it's cruel to have a dog in a kennel or give it a hard plastic bed. Or give it dog food. What dog breed do you have? Does it live longer because as a puppy it was given a house to roam chew electric cables, get into that bottle of bleach that's under the cupboard. Eat something that's poisonous. I have had labs all my life. They have all been crate trained. I don't put them in a crate that's the same size of them, the crate is rather large, takes up lots of space but means they have a place to wind down from the family life, have somewhere safe to go when no one is in the house. Just because that certain lifestyle for a dog doesn't work for you don't tell or try and scare someone to think that they are wrong. People just do things differently and that's ok. If you want to have your dog in a kennel by all means go for it. If you have a husky live in Iceland and tie them with a chain to the coller and a bar in the floor. Go go it. Not my lifestyle not my decision. But I dnt for one second think I have the right to try and scare someone into doing something differently just because my country does it different.

HighStreetOtter · 01/01/2026 18:45

CoubousAndTourmaIet · 01/01/2026 18:29

Crating is cruel. It is illegal in Finland, Sweden and Austria, with good reason. It can cause muscle atrophy in larger breeds as well as having an impact psychologically.
Dogs can have a safe space within your home without being locked in a cage all night.

So my older dog is never in a crate, my 9 week old puppy is in a crate at night only. My older dog sleeps on a bed at the top of the stairs which is the same size as a crate.

She doesn’t get off her bed, she wears a pitpat so I know she doesn’t move all night. She doesn’t have muscle atrophy so I don’t see why a crate (overnight) would either.

I certainly wouldn’t use a crate for longer than overnight. Dogs should be settled and sleeping then anyway. I won’t use it for the puppy once I can trust him not to get himself in danger and that I know he’ll feel secure enough to be settled all night which I do believe the crate helps with. He’s slept 7.5 hrs plus without waking since the first night. I have to wake him up at 6am when I get up.

Menapausemum1974 · 01/01/2026 18:42

Doggynono · 31/12/2025 10:20

I am not a dog person never have been...DP loves dogs all four kids love dogs. I am allergic to dogs some I can tolerate. Anyway they all went on and on DP told me for the kids childhood we should get them a dog I caved. He promised he would do everything with the dog. We got a 'hypoallergenic' breed I went and visited without taking antihistamine twice and all was fine. Anyway we're a week into having the new puppy and my allergies are flaring up. I just feel crap with them sore eyes, sneezing, a little bit wheezing thankfully no rashes. I'm trying not to be round her too much as I feel miserable have been taking 2 antihistamines a day but they aren't doing much. DP is raging at me he keeps throwing me dirty looks when I sneeze so there is no way I can say about Rehoming. He's also huffing about having to sleep downstairs with the dog while we crate train but again he was the one who wanted the dog not me. Plus I don't want to do that on the kids and dog.

any tips on what I can do here? Do hepa air purifiers work? I hoover, mop and damp wipe every day and she isn't allowed upstairs

@Doggynono you are highly likely to stop reacting soon, both myself and DH did after a bit, can react still to other dogs though

Behappy1948 · 01/01/2026 18:34

So another poor pup will end up in kennels because of a human. If you didn't know you had allergies fair enough but, as you did know.....
I can't believe you caved.

CoubousAndTourmaIet · 01/01/2026 18:29

EverythingsSoComplicated · 01/01/2026 18:18

To the poster telling you crate training is cruel. Oh do behave. Crate training is perfectly fine. Doesn't cause bone deficiency or stop a dog from growing what absolute nonsense, carry on as you are with crate training. A pup needs it's space that it can be put away from busy family life and have down time. They need to learn space from humans otherwise you create a very very big issue for yourself. Hope you get your allergies sorted so that it's more manageable.

Crating is cruel. It is illegal in Finland, Sweden and Austria, with good reason. It can cause muscle atrophy in larger breeds as well as having an impact psychologically.
Dogs can have a safe space within your home without being locked in a cage all night.

ItsStillWork · 01/01/2026 18:27

So it has 2 non shedding breeds in it and 1 shedding breed.

it depends on what you’re allergic to in regards to the dog.

i know people can overcome pet allergies but if you don’t, this dog would’ve got attached to everyone by then and will be harder for the dog and the family members to rehome.

i think with a known dog allergy, you were very stupid to get a dog and your partner was an idiot to push the idea.

you have two choices, rehome the dog or persevere with the dog and see if the allergy improves.

BooneyBeautiful · 01/01/2026 18:22

Pricelessadvice · 31/12/2025 10:39

I agree. Poor bloody dog.
In fairness, OP isn’t suggesting doing this.

My cousin is massively allergic to cats OP, but a cat moved into his and his partners house and they basically adopted it (it belonged to a neighbour who no longer wanted it). Over time his allergy to it has calmed down and he can do it on one antihistamine a day now. It took a few months though.

That's similar to what happened with DD and her cat allergy. A friend moved in with her and he came with a very large fluffy cat (she did know about this beforehand). She struggled at first and had to take lots of antihistamines, but after a while it didn't seem to bother her too much. She obviously avoids the cat where possible, but it's Sod's Law that he has really taken to her!

EverythingsSoComplicated · 01/01/2026 18:18

To the poster telling you crate training is cruel. Oh do behave. Crate training is perfectly fine. Doesn't cause bone deficiency or stop a dog from growing what absolute nonsense, carry on as you are with crate training. A pup needs it's space that it can be put away from busy family life and have down time. They need to learn space from humans otherwise you create a very very big issue for yourself. Hope you get your allergies sorted so that it's more manageable.

Swipe left for the next trending thread