To be really scared to drive?

I don’t like driving where I’m not familiar with the road layouts etc and I’ve been driving years. I avoid driving where I’m really not keen (busy roundabouts and motorways) I’m a perfectly safe driver where I choose to go. I wish I had more confidence as I don’t want to be restricted but it would cause me a lot of anxiety.

Don't move to the country before you've passed your test. Some people don't manage to pass and you'll be extremely isolated and dependent on your DP while you don't have a licence. That could be a long time as it's hard to get a test scheduled. I don't like driving but I have always opted to live in city centres so it hasn't affected my lifestyle at all.

Well, there's no point fretting about lanes and motorways before you've passed the test, is there? So one step at a time, if you want to learn to drive, get some lessons organised. Finding a good sympathetic teacher is the key.

I never enjoyed driving and gave up learning for many years. Started again with a new instructor who was fantastic and I passed quickly. I’ve never driven on the motorway and never intend to!

My DH does the majority of the driving and I only drive when I need to or want to. Suits us both fine.

Start learning and then just stick with what feels comfortable for you once you pass.

A lot of driving is muscle memory, especially in a manual. So even though it seems impossible when you start it really does become easier. You just have to keep practising until your body memorises the actions and can do them without you having to think about each step.

I drove in my 20s then had a bad accident and didn't drive again until early 40s. It was terrifying! Like throwing up, couldn't sleep the night before terrifying. The only way to get over fear like that is to go through it. Keep reminding yourself that you're safe, the fear will pass, and eventually you'll get there 😊

I was the same even after I passed. I took more lessons many years later, and I constantly watched videos online. The videos online really helped me click everything together

For starters find a driving school which can teach you in an automatic, it makes the mechanics of driving much easier so you can concentrate on manoeuvring and what's going on outside the car.
Living in a rural area requires a car for any kind of independence.

Do you not watch/observe as a passenger on the motorway and see how it works?

My friend said a few years ago that she was going to restart lessons. I didn't say anything but thought omg 😟. It's not that she's unintelligent but she has a problem with spatial awareness. Luckily it came to nothing and I'm glad. Driving is not for everyone.

Give it a go, and if it is not for you, then don't feel bad or beat yourself up about it.

I’m surprised you haven’t picked up all the motorway stuff as a passenger. In fact I would say it’s easier to learn all that when you don’t actually have to worry about driving, you can take in all of the signage and watch how the traffic flows through junctions etc.

OP, as with most things, the more you do it the better you get. A few lessons and a bit of reversing aren't going to be enough. You need to drive every day really. If you find a good instructor they will give you confidence.

I'm at the other end of the spectrum, been driving trouble-free for more than 40 years and I'm now getting nervous. But I live in the middle of nowhere and if I don't drive then I don't go anywhere, so I have found forcing myself to drive to new places helps.

It's all just practice really. Very few people are born knowing how to parallel park (I'm still a bit rubbish at it after 40 years, but functional). They just keep at it until they are better.

Nonsense. Nobody is a natural-born driver. This is exactly the sort of post she doesn't need. Unless there's something actually wrong with you, anyone can learn, carefully and with support, to drive safely. I'd argue that someone who is more concerned and worried about danger and driving is less likely to be a hazard to others than someone who's overly confident... Obviously there's got to be a balance.

My first driving instructor was rubbish, I realise now, so after doing a bit of research I found one who was amazing! Clearly explained everything step by step, especially reversing and parallel parking manoeuvres- and we just practiced and practiced these, until I nailed it. You need to ask around find a decent instructor and get out there and start again, and build up confidence. Explain to them that you’re nervous, and the parts of driving you are especially worried about. they will have seen loads of worried drivers before, and will be able to help. Just make sure u get a good instructor

Sometimes the thought is scarier than the doing it!

I had alot of driving lessons at 17. Just didn't take to it. Found it overwhelming etc. Same sort of situation learning to drive in a village. The thought of driving in the local town was so scary. I stopped when I went to uni.
I tried again 10 years later, learning in a big city and it was so different. Once I found an instructor who understood my fears it just clicked. I did an intensive course after doing my theory and alot of reading work before actually getting in a car. I would spend time concentrating on what the signs and layouts were when I was a passenger. I was really nervous before getting in the car but after one day it felt natural.

I spent alot of the first year after driving googling routes to anywhere I didn't know so nothing came as a surprise. I ended up moving across the country so ended up doing alot of long distance driving about 6 months after I passed. It felt a massive achievement at the time for me.
I still do it now 10 years later if it is a long journey somewhere unfamiliar.

I was a nervous when I was learning to drive. I was nervous the first time I drove on a motorway. It is completely normal to feel nervous about something you don't feel confident about.

The only way to get over this is to start driving lessons again and practice, practice and practice. There is no other way.

I am about to get in the car to return DD to her university city and drive the best part of 200 miles. Am I nervous? No, because I drive a lot.

If you really don't want to drive, do not move to somewhere with poor public transport. It is a PITA.

Some people in this thread have forgotten they were ever beginners at driving too 🙄
OP I was like you and I passed first time a year and a half ago. I drive automatic which helps a lot, and relate to the thing about lanes on approach. What i would say is YouTube is your friend. Watch millions of driving videos on there, loads of instructors have channels. And get lots of lessons with someone you feel comfy with. Good luck!

Apologies, rush read on small screen, missed you'd not passed.
Then I'd make sure my provisional is valid, do the theory ; tip download the DVLA practice app.
I'd also start lessons as soon as you can, and just practice. Maybe even try some private off road lessons where you can just practice handling the car and things like reversing, parking and 3 point turns with no people/traffic about. Bit more expensive, but something like this is fun in a nice car and no pressure
https://www.mercedes-benzworld.co.uk/driving-experiences/experiences/mercedes-benz-young-driver-plus-4x4-1-hour-experience/

Or either bring your own car & a qualified driver to supervise, or have lessons here:
https://drivecardrome.com/ again no pressure of other traffic, build confidence before you start
I'm sure there are other places available, not tried either myself

Try a different instructor - mine had a whiteboard he would draw on to show lanes and different scenarios (when we were parked up, before approaching a new junction type or after I'd got a bit flustered by one!). Seeing it visually really helped me more than just verbal instructions whilst driving.

I passed my test first time after about 8 months of lessons, & did Pass Plus so I had extra tuition on motorways etc, but I was still very nervous. I quit driving quite quickly (combo of nerves and not having access to a car) but about 6 years later I started again; had some refresher lessons and then started doing short journeys I knew well to build confidence. Gradually built up over the last 18 months and honestly I finally felt confident and that it was coming automatically after around 9 months of regular driving.

I've now driven most of the way from London to Cornwall and back, I regularly do 50 mile trips including at night and on motorways, although I'm still not keen on the M25 but can do it if needed!

Honestly the thing that made me a better driver and more confident was practice, & having access to a safe reliable car to practice in. Lots of short local journeys to start, along routes I knew so I wasn't worrying about satnav or getting lost, just focusing on the driving. Oh, & having a toddler who escaped the pram but not the car seat, so I was more inclined to want to drive him to nursery and back than walk 1.5 miles with him trying to escape!

I passed my test in 2008 and I still find getting in the right lane difficult occasionally on unfamiliar roundabouts.
I think people are being very harsh.

You just need more practice and confidence, basically.

One thing you could do immediately perhaps, is to get your DP to give you a commentary on his driving when you are together. This is assuming he is a safe driver and following the Highway Code and doesn’t mind talking when he drives.

He can explain what road hazards he’s looking out for, how he joins motorways, etc etc.

I don’t like driving, but I’ve always found it easier when I do more.If you are likely to get a car then buy one with reversing sensors etc. use technology where you can, I only have a license for automatic cars.

At the moment I’m inclined to agree that OP shouldn’t even attempt to drive. But ill give her benefit of the doubt and say start afresh, try some new lessons and take it from there. But if it’s still a complete mystery to you then be prepared to take an executive decision and not drive - for all our sakes!

The big signs tell you what lane to get in, and if you get it wrong, you just carry on in the wrong lane until you’re able to turn around safely and come back the other way and try again.