How do you get over being left for another women?

I’m sorry. It sounds so hard.

I know it’s not much of a consolation but there are many, many women in your situation. Not all men are shits but a lot of them are.

Are you getting all the benefits you are entitled to? Is your ex paying what he should?

It’s hard, but you just need to plough on and try to be happy. You have your two lovely daughters and you can build a future and be happy.

(For what it’s worth, my husband didn’t leave me for his other woman as she didn’t want him. She’s happy with her rich husband, just wanted him as a bit on the side, didn’t care about his wife and kids. And I think he probably didn’t actually want to leave. Just wanted to have his cake and eat it. So he’s here. Although would it have been different if she’d wanted him to leave? Who knows. So he’s is here… But he has broken me and I will never be the same again.)

Also surely the finances side of things is just temporary anyway? That shouldn’t be a reason you’re pining for your ex. Ultimately yes, two income households are easier than single income households but you don’t need him in particular to become a two income household again.

Have you made any steps towards furthering your education or career?

separately, there may be ways to reduce your living expenses or increase benefits etc.

And maybe in the future, you might find someone new yourself where this whole period on time living on just your income is temporary and fleeting.

But there’s so many solutions to this, that don’t involve your ex.

I really like this wisdom, helpful.

To be honest I do just think you need to be less emotional about this and like see things more pragmatically. He left you for someone else, he possibly cheated on you. To my mind, he was never in love with you and your relationship with him was a facade. So although you might feel happiness at the time you were with him, it was all a facade and based on a lie. So you’re pining after a time, that you’re looking at through rose tinted glasses and that was always destined for failure as he never loved you like that. If it wasn’t her, it would have been another woman.

Its been 7 months for me since I ex partner blocked me and cut me out of his life when I called him out on his cheating. He and the other woman are celebrating their one year anniversary this very night, publicly and to much fanfare. (This time last year we were booking our Summer holiday together.) Its bloody hard but you've got a lot to give to someone who isn't a dirty, lying toad. I split from my ex husband with less heartache and recovering from cheating is an entirely different pain and I think Christmas and New Year are times of reflection.

It is however, going to be alright. You have your children and whilst you're deep in the trenches now just think of all the lovely things you did together without the heavy and cumbersome weight of your ex. One day, someone will pop up who will want all of you and not decide to cheat. I know you said you've no time for dating, neither have I but it takes 5 minutes to fill out a form on a dating app. Its also quite theraputic going through and instantly recognising the ones who are playing away.

I know the grief at what you thought your life was is devastating. I get so sad at family events where couples and families are together too. I come home and cry sometimes but it gets to the point where its not 'him' I want but 'someone to call my own'. Let 2026 be the year where you work toward feeling ready to have someone to call your own.

You didn't fail. He became weak and probably always was. He made a choice to leave a loving wife and children. The internal pressure he feels to 'prove' that his new relationship world will be stifling. He'll be trying very hard to make things perfect, he will have no peace. You however, have a clear conscience, your children, a lovely home (or fun project if you've had to move) and you're not a cheating, lying scumbag. She's no better than him if she knew he was married too. Let their love nest be their love nest. The preening of highly glazed feathers doesn't mask the copious amounts of poop in the bottom of it.

Very good advice here.
I recognise OP from her previous posts and she definitely allows a degree of sexual/romantic pride to hog the foreground of her thoughts in the matter, not able to swallow that rejection and see the ex’s weakness as the point of this tale. She’s keeping the early wound open, and without any reason at all, still less any use in healing her emotions.
It’s not as though there is a great love still in her heart; far from it. (She has said before that this had died before the split.)

As you advise, it’s a question of reframing the story, rearranging the prominence of characters in it.

You really have to flip this around. You are a normal person married to an abnormal man. He was a liar snd a thief.

@pikkumyy77 makes an excellent point. I think that you need to find your anger towards this horrible person, he’s a weak excuse of a parent who cba with his children, he’s pathetic.

You’re a great Mum getting on with bringing up your children, you deserve FAR better than someone like him. 💐

I've been here too and it is very tough!! I got to the point where I am 'glad' he left as I took marriage too seriously to leave and, looking back, he didn't treat me that well... I've thrown myself into my career and struggled my way up despite childcare issues etc. I too have had financial worries. But there is something to be said for the peace of not being cheated on, not being gaslit etc.. for me i realised I needed to make myself happy/complete etc and i didn't need a man for that. Mine is a crap dad as well and has no insight what he puts his DC through. He has gone 10 times more selfish.

I do know people who years on haven't got over this and I feel people describe such situations as being bitter. However it is easier said than done to not have the emotional and trauma reactions!

Is it the husband or the life you planned your mourning, I’m sure you wouldn’t take the cheater back but your family life you wanted and planned for, your kids father and the frustration you feel having to deal with it all alone is a valid reason to feel sad and upset years later.
it is all hard find something you love to do and make yourself do something for yourself every month. Go out with a friend, buy a new book, book you and the kids a little trip away.

Hey love...I haven't read all the replies ..but please keep your chin up...same happened to me...ive struggled for years..struggling still with only one child...but I promise you..im his hero..not the vouchers..not the holidays..just me..keeping a roof over his head...hes 19 now and not in a million years did I expect to be a single parent either. You do it coz you have to...and you can..they will be proud of you once they realise. X

That dick doesn't deserve one more minute of your thoughts. If you're worried about money, start concentrating on how you can retrain/grow in your career/find a side hustle. Find something FOR YOU, unrelated to the children. And have a big ol hug because the fact that you're there being the parent means everything. x

Thank you OP, that's very kind of you. You'd be surprised how easy it is to start thinking like I do, and focusing on how the lives of others are even harder than your own, as I say, it really helps put things in perspective.

I'm glad you enjoy a walk, and hope that you'll also work on doing more of it during the winter months, if it helps, set yourself up with a treat to have when you get back, a cup of hot chocolate, or a nice bubble bath, some sort of reward to give you even more of a high for making the effort to go out.

With regard to the anti-depressants, I've been on them for years due to a chemical imbalance, rather than a life event, so have a lot of experience. Can I ask when you last had a review of your meds, as you may be thinking what's the point of taking them, if they're not making a difference, whereas it could just be that your body has got used to them and you need a different type, or that you're not currently on a strong enough dose, so if you haven't spoken to your GP recently, please go and have a chat about it. At the end of the day, it's hard being a single parent normally, especially with the cost of living as it is, but it's even harder if you're not starting off from a good place, and as you're clearly struggling, it does seem to me that you need something stronger to level up your mood, and help you to cope.

If you want to start practicing being grateful for what you've got, next time you go for a walk, think of me, stuck in bed, unable to get out and enjoy a good old stomp around the park, and then count your blessings because YOU can!!

Honestly, I won't begrudge you enjoying that moment!😁

He sounds like a prize nobhead and I would breathe a sigh of relief that he was out of my life once I'd finished kicking myself up the arse for not spotting it sooner and actually having kids with such a wanker.

I know it’s hard to see it but a) you’ll never feel as low as you did when he left and b) your kids are the most important thing and you’re lucky enough to have them. No money or man is better than that. Sorry you’re finding it tough though x

OP, I’m so sorry this happened to you. I wonder if some EMDR therapy would help you? You used the word trauma and I think that’s right - you have been through a trauma, the trauma of betrayal, and you are stuck in it. I think something like EMDR which has a great success rate could be transformative for you.

You teally have to flip this around. You are a normal person married to an abnormal man. He was a liar snd a thief. He stole your affection and your peace of mind. The pain arises from a natural feeling that you were , on some sense, a patsy. That he made a fool of you. But he was in disguise he masquerade ed as the man you could love until he dropped the mask and left. ITS NOT YOUR FAULT and its no reflection on you. Is the bank embarrassed when it is robbed? No. Bad things happen to people. They just do. You didn’t cause it.

Do you get any maintenance money for the children?

So sorry this happened to you OP. What a bastard. I have no advice but I hope 2026 will be your year! And remember, your kids will always know who was there for them. He seems to have forgotten that for now, but he will be the one regretting his choices I guarantee!

My point wasn't very clear in the end, sorry. What I meant to say is that I think it is possible to choose to have a positive mindset. Mo Gawdat is really interesting on this topic.

My MIL is so lovely but she has (chosen to) never got over being left. I wonder if she can be some kind of Ghost of Christmas Future for you. To encourage you to move on.

I mean this with all kindness. My MIL has never got over her husband leaving her and their 3 children for OW. This was 35 years ago, DH is 50.

She is 77. Her children still find it really hard to tell her that they (and the grandchildren) are going to see him because she is still so [upset][bitter].

She has "won" as far as their respective relationships with their children and grandchildren have turned out. They don't see him much, the conversations are polite and stilted and meetings are for an hour or 2 at a time. She gets the sleepovers, the families staying for a week, the hurly burly of family life.

She never moved on. She is still heartbroken and really quite lonely at times even though her children, children in law and grandchildren really love her.

He's been married to his second wife now for much longer than his first.

My MIL is so lovely and has so much to offer. He left her 35 years ago. I hope at some point between this 3rd year and your 35th year, you can make your mind move on. She has a half life compared to what she could have had.

When your marriage breaks up it can take a very long time to get over it, you are mourning the life you thought you would have for ever.

You say you've had therapy OP, but are you taking any sort of anti-depressants, as it sounds to me like you need to be. Maybe go and talk to your GP about how low you're feeling.

Also, are you getting regular exercise, as that can really help when you're feeling low, and of course with it being mid winter and having only just got through Christmas, it is a time when lots of people struggle, but if you wrap up warm, and go out for a good brisk walk, it's amazing how much better you feel when you get home.

I'm severely disabled, and as such have to spend many hours of the day, stuck in bed. When new people meet me, they always seems surprised that I'm so cheerful, but I discovered early on, that there is ALWAYS someone worse of than myself, and I've found that when I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself, which doesn't happen often, just occasionally, if I try and think about people who are worse off than me, it helps put life into perspective. For example, I'm all but bed bound, but other people are dying of Cancer, with no chance of a cure, so who is the lucky one - ME!!

You could use childcare before and after school clubs etc . If you’re on a low income you will get universal credit towards the cost .
Get a better paid job. Then pay a babysitter to get out and have a life. .
It is utterly boring when life revolves solely around work and kids .