How do you get over being left for another women?

I had EMDR on the NHS. It took a long time to get it but it was extremely helpful and I turned a really big corner.

I had a similar experience to you OP. It's a long road to recovery but please don't despair, or doubt that you'll get better in time.

Wishing you a happier new year.

Hi @Doesitgetbetterever

Have a look at the free online courses with the Open University. You can do them at your own pace, some are badged for CPD. Others are interesting to explore what you might want to do in future.

https://www.open.edu/openlearn/free-courses

I wish you peace and happiness for the year ahead, and I hope this is useful for you. Bookmark the link if you aren’t ready just yet.

It was a different set of circumstances for me as we had no children so l could cut him loose totally. I was 11 year in and pretty blindsided. Twist is he was super keen to “marry her and have babies with her”. Yes, he told me that and l pushed on with the divorce and she was allegedly a friend of mine. Fast forward to now l have a non-cheating husband (as far as l know!) and 2 amazing children. They have failed on the conceiving front and are both total states. Super funny for me with my fun loving and liking after himself husband 🤷‍♀️

In your shoes the he’s a twat for opting out and doing that to his children. Karma can be quite brutal (just saying!). Plus whenever he is late home from work then l bet she is a bit?!?! Deep down

I know this could be read as brutal, but do you want yours and your children’s life defined by the selfishness of one man… whoever and whatever roles he should have had. Literally fuck him. Stop it. It’s 2026. Straighten your crown & move on to a positive happy life. Don’t look back.

I am sure it did! Of course it would, it’s such a bloody awful thing to do.
My BFF has been in my life forever, there is nothing, literally nothing that could induce me to do that to her. Never. And I’ve no doubt you are the same!
As you well know, what they did is about them (weak, cowardly, lacking integrity, sad, desperate twats) and nothing to do with you. And imagine having to live with knowing you’d done that? I just couldn’t…

OP it can be hardest when the kids are young but then get easier. The kids are more robust than you think and probably don't need much or any time off school for sickness.

I'm probably ten years on from you now, life has got so much better and I'm so glad I'm not with my ex. He'sscrewed up had multiple relationships, I'm in a good long term one. No need to live with a new man. Focus on work and independence and your self esteem will grow. Date when you feel ready, but don't value yourself based on a man/relationship.

@Mrspatmoresapprentice the double betrayal made it far worse - it left me struggling to trust anyone - in hard times you turn to your friends if not best friend and I’d shared my worries about when I’d felt he was distancing himself not knowing who or why!

Christ alive, who ARE all these bloody awful people? Shagging your wife’s best friend? Beyond vile. And your best friend shagging your husband? Hideous. Awful people who deserve nothing. I’m so pleased you are doing well x

ExDH left me for my best friend 27/28 years ago - it didn’t last and he’s now on DW3
DC were 4 and 5 - it took years to get past it
Eventually I realised it said far more about him than me, I’ve had other healthier relationships, rebuilt my career and now at 60+ have financial independence, a deep relationship with my adult DC that he envies and this year am about to become a grandparent - who I know will be much closer to me than with him
It happens imperceptibly - but I am so over it and grateful for the life and opportunities which being a lone parent gave me although at the time it was very very hard
It made me stronger
I wish you all the best for moving forward into 2026

Celebrate if they’re that much of an arsehole to leave you and young children you are better off without them, everything happens for a reason, you were meant for better things.
enjoy your life you only have one.

Best way to move on is to date, and keep meeting new people.

When you start being attracted by different men, for different reasons, but more importantly, they being attracted to you, your ex doesn't stand the comparison for very long and soon become a distant memory.

I waited for his/their downfall. I don't see how else you could get over it otherwise? It's soul destroying, ruins your confidence and outlook and he thinks he can swan off without a care in the world while you're broken.

Just keep telling yourself this is a moral failing on his part, and absolutely nothing to do with you. I think you are stuck as somehow you are feeling like this was your fault, and you were not enough. No, he was not enough! The fact that he's pissed off overseas without a care for his children shows just how deep his moral failing goes.
Your best revenge will be to live your life well. Don't let him steal anymore of your one precious life, he doesn't deserve to take your peace anymore.

OP, hat off to you, life as a single parent is tough sometimes.

You won’t give a closure from him(why) so give yourself a closure.

Gratitude as people said is great.Even if you’re on the bones of your arse there’s always something to be grateful for.

Try to get closer to nature to unwind. Eat well,sleep well.Find a hobby, double points if you can get kids on board. Swimming together? Forest walk? Park run?

As for finances-find out if there are any careers fayres(sp) nearby. They are sometimes organised by LA or by secondary schools-this is the way to find career advisor and enquire about possible training/different job/general life direction.

Life’s an unfair bitch sometimes. It’s ok to wail and grieve for what it might have been but you have to move on for the sake of your kids(and yourself).

Give yourself permission to live. Push yourself gently.Don’t let your past hold your future. Good luck 💐

OP I am giving you a story of hope. I also posted similarly 3 years post-break up. Everyone posted back it was time to move on. This really helped me - it shocked me at the time as I was feeling well within my rights to still be angry. But it set me questioning myself - was I actually just used to feeling angry with him? Feelings don’t stay the same for years. Dont get used to feeling angry and just assume you still feel it.

3.5 years after breaking up I forgave him. We now co-parent happily, I am completely and utterly better and happy - time does heal the wound but you need to help yourself get over it. Move yourself on. There’s a whole lovely life out there. It’s so lucky you have your kids and can focus on them and how great they are.

Thank you both. I focus on raising my 3 children who are amazing and doing so well. And at 41 im doing my degree and will then be doing teacher training at my school. Getting qualifications i should have got years ago

I will never get over it and never trust deeply again. But im happy single with my children and my animals and have all I need

38 is still so young, you have time to do what you want to do with your life. Happy New Year @Doesitgetbetterever, onwards and upwards.

Jesus Christ, that is horrific. I’m so sorry. But, you do know, that is absolutely nothing to do with you? You had the great misfortune to have two people in your life who were complete thundercunts. It happens.
And for what it’s worth? I don’t believe they ever get off scott free. They might play the happy card, but in the dead of the night, when it’s quiet, and they have nothing but their own thoughts? They know. And that knowledge will never leave them. Imagine living your life like that, knowing deep in your soul that you are a hideous, awful person? Dreadful.
Whereas for you? You did nothing wrong, so you can leave it all behind. Leave those fuckers in 2025, they don’t deserve your future xxx

How about a career in the NHS?
I am an AHP and it can be quite flexible in some areas. Mature students are welcomed.

Im 6 years on. Have so much trauma from it that it affects me alot. Therapy didnt help. He left me for my best friend who was telling me at the time that I wasnt good enough for him and I was affecting his mental health. Also that she was the only friend who understood. Whilst he told me that he only slept with me to keep me quiet.

Yeah. I have big trust issues with everyone now.

Fantastic! Go you.

I went back to school at 56 in the US and retrained as a clinical social work and am now, ten years later, a successful therapist/clinician with a private practice. I love my work. Two years of coursework and two years of supervision at an agency serving homeless people with psychotic illnesses. It was not subsidized here but your training might be.

I have been where you are and it’s really tough. It is very difficult to get over it because you are living with the consequences every day and life is really hard as a single parent. My ex left when my youngest was 3. They are early 20’s now and I will always be resentful of the time I missed with them, the loss of family life and the sheer difficulty of years and years of having to cope as a single parent. I have remained single and accepted that the romantic part of me is broken forever. But gradually I calved out a different life for myself, built friendships, developed my hobby and career. The most important thing is that I am incredibly close to my kids. All the sacrifices I have made for them have been totally worth it. They know I will always be there for them no matter what and they are thriving, well balanced individuals who I am mega proud of. It’s a tough thing to go through but there are payoffs. Stick with it.