To warn parents about teenage GF

Can’t believe you’re waiting this out and not reporting the assault.

What's her bf and you sons reaction to this?

If my gf hit my friends sister then, unless self defense, she'd be dumped. Mortified is a good start.

If my sister was slapped by my friends gf, I'd be making it clear to my friend that his gf is out of order and not want anything to do with her.

Anything less from either boy and I'd think very poorly of them. Forget the parents of the boy here, it's the other people's reactions (including this boy and your son) I would be looking at. If they are just glossing over, then that reflects badly on them. In terms of the parents, if ypu speak to them and are friends then yes I'd be open and honest about what you saw and how you feel but I wouldn't call them up to get them involved.

DH and I are going to wait to see if his parents reach out to us. We are pretty sure they will if they are told what happened. If they don’t we’ll let them know so they have a heads up about what she’s like. They’re very level headed people, as are we I like to think, there will be no drama out of this.

A very sensible response. Give it a bit of time, and if they don't get in touch with you, you get in touch with them.

Speaking personally, I wouldn't couch it in terms of 'I only mention it because I'm worried she might be violent towards other people.' I'd be justifiably upset and angry on my own DC's behalf, and that's reason enough to raise it with DS's friend's parents. I'd just set out the facts and let them draw whatever conclusions they want. The point is that you're not letting this astonishing behaviour be swept under the carpet.

What a ridiculous comment. This is a straight forward assault witnessed by many people. If it was reported the girl might get arrested and she might get cautioned. This is nothing like the scenario in Rotherham / Rochdale which actually involved grooming of young girls and is in no way similar to this matter. Unless you’re suggesting that the OPs daughter is the working class girl who should be concerned??

Double post

I’d definitely be reporting it to the police - to show your daughter support and ensure this awful girl is being dealt with appropriately. Might build up a profile as this doesn’t sound like her first rodeo. Bet she’s abusive behind closed doors.

Why doesn’t your DD want to report this to the Police @Stayoutofitorno?

It sounds like this was a pretty serious incident and not something to be taken lightly. If this girl was so brazen to behave that way in front of so many people then it’s possible that this is ‘normal’ behaviour for her and may not be the first time. Your DD speaking up may help someone else later down the line if the Police have a record of this incident.

If I was the parent of this friend then I would 100% want to know. Even if I heard elsewhere I would want to hear it from the hosts of the party. If I was worried by what i learned, it would reassure me to know that you r DS said to his friend that he was welcome back (but he didn’t come).
as long as you frame this correctly then you are doing the mature thing. Address it, explain factually, say something like “I’m just calling to make sure this doesn’t end up out of proportion or the story mixed up through Chinese whispers etc. We like your son, if it was the other way round we would want to know, we hope you don’t think we are interfering, it’s just to set the record straight and let you know we were a bit concerned about her behaviour…”,

Well we have a lot of evidence on how the police treat young possibly working class girls from possibly troubled backgrounds dont we? That’s why a little bit of compassion and due diligence before getting them involved might be kind. Ask the girls in Rotherham etc how they would feel about faith in professionals.

She is ‘sharing the news’ with the wrong people. Social media and not police.. A crime she apparently doesn’t being tolerated is being totally tolerated.

Yes!

I wouldn't necessarily warn the parents as such - just give them a "just letting you know" factual account of what happened and confirming that their son is still welcome at future events. I wouldn't get into any assessments of what you think she is like or what trouble may lie ahead for him - they can make those links themselves and anyway that's his business.

"Just wanted to let you know that we had DS's 18th last night and during the speeches your son's GF insisted on talking loudly throughout and was rude, when asked to quieten down and be respectful she hit our DD in the face. We had to ask her to leave and (your son) went with her. We did offer for him to come back on his own but we didn't see him again. (Your son) will always be welcome but obviously we can't tolerate this sort of behaviour from his girl friend."

I’d have already told them!
If they’re good friends of you and your family then I’d be pretty pissed off that you didn’t let me know. What makes you think your son’s friend or his batshit girlfriend would tell his parents?
Contact his parents asap!

It happened in the OP’s home, at her DS’s party and it was her DD who was attacked, so I’d say it is her news.

Why wouldnt you tell your friends that their son's GF is violent?? At any age? They may be totally unaware of what sh'e like - but also probably not and you telling them might just confirm suspicions that they already have.

this is so true!

Sorry what does that have to do with the comment that it isn’t her story to tell?

That might be the case if OP wasn’t there to witness what happened and was just passing on a story from one of her children but she SAW it happen. She KNOWS what happened.

Which she so far as done nothing about except tell everyone on Mumsnet.

How to be a role model 101.

Surely it very much IS her news to share? The person in question assaulted her daughter in her home!

Yep, be clear to your daughter, we don’t tolerate violence and report.

Absolutely, with no shadow of doubt, tell them.

Nonsense.

Consequences.

it is extremely unlikely that this assault was the girls first assault, given her confidence at doing it in public with witnesses under someone else’s roof. Parents present. What are the real adults in the room doing other than allowing that to be acceptable behaviour by not reporting it. The police might give her a caution, or she might have a long list of cautions and firmer consequences are needed.

Alternatively, to be so brazen, the girl could have been drugged up to her eyeballs because she’s a victim of something herself.

How do we tell the difference between a bad egg who commits a crime or a victim who repeats negative behaviour?

We don’t. We don’t have to. We call the police and let the professionals handle it.

Trying to ‘to find out more’ about the girl, to make a decision yourself as who the justice system should apply to is by definition taking the law into your own hands.

It was a common assault. It should be dealt with as that.

Which anyone who was there and witnessed it can report, not just the victim of the crime. OP.

No you don't contact her parents. She's an adult. If your daughter wants to try press charges for the slap then she needs to speak to the police.

Otherwise just ban the girl from your house. It's unfortunate and she's clearly got problems but at that age parents shouldn't be getting involved.

I have to say that if someone thought it appropriate to 'shush' me then I would find that pretty rude. That's not what adults do in normal conversation. Would she have been 'shushed' if she was a man?

Not that it's ok to go on to slap someone they barely know.

This. Women can be violent as well. His parents need to know so they can speak to him about getting away from her