To warn parents about teenage GF

Oh don’t be ridiculous.
You may not have acted on them, possibly because of the behaviour being modelled around you, but I would be astounded if you weren’t overwhelmed by emotion at times as a teen. Imagine you had grown up in an environment where physical violence as a response to conflict was the norm: you may have found it more difficult to regulate your emotions. The gf’s behaviour was absolutely unacceptable, however, it’s not as simple as you seem to think.

And, yes, the research would absolutely be relevant if the perpetrator has been male.

Oh don’t be ridiculous.

You may not have acted on them, possibly because of the behaviour being modelled around you, but I would be astounded if you weren’t overwhelmed by emotion at times as a teen. Imagine you had grown up in an environment where physical violence as a response to conflict was the norm: you may have found it more difficult to regulate your emotions. The gf’s behaviour was absolutely unacceptable, however, it’s not as simple as you seem to think.

I wish I were still under 25 with this knowledge, instead of being cowed by the actual law I'd get up to all sorts and then when put in front of a judge be like "not my fault gov, my brains just not developed innit".

Indeed. Just as the DD aged 19 has decided she doesn’t want it reporting to the police and that decision is apparently fine yet her assailant of a similar age doesn’t have a fully formed brain so isn’t responsible for her actions. It seems you really can have it both ways. 🙄

The posters imploring the OP to involve the police have got me thinking, if this woman should be excused because her brain won't have developed until she is 25 (as some PP have suggested) then why is the age of criminal responsibility in this country begining at 10 years old?

I agree with this. If she gets away with this sort behaviour in front of a room full of strangers, what’s next? She’s clearly a psycho. I can’t believe nobody wants to involve the police. This is why people carry on and escalate until somebody ends up seriously hurt or worse.

Because nobody is accountable for anything until they are halfway to middle age apparently. I wonder how it works if you slap someone 24 hours before you turn 25 then it's all ok because you aren't mature enough not to be impulsive but when the clock strikes midnight then you transform into a fully mature adult, just like Cinderella's pumpkin.

Bet those goalposts will move again in seven years time too.

It’s the “you could really damage her life” bit - yeah, and? that’s called consequences for her own actions.

Why should she get away with this?

And yet I never slapped in the face before my 25th birthday (or after it actually) and neither did any of my friends. We must've all just been exceptions to that maturity rule.

ETA: and I still bet this "statistic" wouldn't be mentioned if the woman in question was a man.

You’re reaching so far now you can touch New Zealand. Jeez.

I’d give them a courtesy call to explain that I was reporting the girl to the police and here is why. That way, when the girl (and, probably, her boyfriend) minimise what happened and call you all the psychos under the sun, they’ll know your version of events.

Your daughter was assaulted in her own home and you are worried about whether or not tell the girl's parents? Tell the police about the assault and let them break the news to that crazy girls parents.

Absolutely, but that doesn't seem to be the case here - OP has discussed it with her daughter who doesn't want it reported.

I can see the case for reporting it, but to insist on doing so and going down that path, when DD doesn't want it, seems a bit unfair on her.

I'll be interested to know if there are any further developments.

That you know the parents well enough for them to have discussed the gf with you previously ie:they told you the son and gf were "joined at the hip" this suggests a level of closeness that would make discussing this incident with them seem reasonable.
I understand why you would wish to,your daughter was assaulted leaving a visible injury (i understand she doesnt want to report to police and thats her decision)
I'm wondering wether your sons friend may have discussed the incident with his parents or son since?
I cant imagine something like this would go undiscussed with a very old friend.

All of which she can discuss with people other than her victim and the victims family.

I’m not sure you realise you are asking for her to be let off with no accountability- and if you are not, how should she be brought to book in a way which you would find acceptable if your child was the victim?

Actually, witnesses are also ‘allowed’ to report crimes, even if the victim is too scared or shocked to do so.

I would definitely want to know if my son was dating someone prone to violence so I would mention it to his parents.
Hopefully he'll confide in them himself if they have a good relationship.
It's unfortunate your DD doesn't want to take it further. Actions should have consequences. Maybe he'll see the light and dump her.

It’s not “TikTok shite”. Research indicates that that the maturation process does not fully complete until around 25/26; prior to this impulse control, victim empathy, and consequential awareness are all underdeveloped. This is not excusing the behaviour, rather offering context to the drivers behind the behaviour.

You should have called the police to send out a message to everyone - if anyone else tries this shit the police will be called . You don’t want people thinking they can assault your daughter and get away with it .

I don’t need to read the papers. I work with offenders, so I’m fully aware of the potential outcome of your plan.

Basically if this sort of behaviour isn't reported to the police (assault) then it carries on unchallenged. It's not about getting her into trouble so much as getting her to think or seek help. Police might just have a word, caution her or something but doubt it would lead to anything more. We and you don't know the bigger picture. Maybe your son can talk to his mate and his parents himself.

Me too. She’s clearly a vile human being and people let her just get away with it. No repercussions whatsoever for strolling in to a party and smacking the hosts daughter. Unbelievable!! I wouldn’t have it. One hundred percent would call the Police and let the BF parent’s know.

Fucking hell, if a burglary happened and a bloke came in a balaclava and hit your daughter round the face would you call the Police? Course you would. But because it was a 19 year old girl in a party dress who was invited, nothing happens.

OP did the right thing, which was to ensure the girl immediately left the house, allowing the party to continue. Getting into a physical fight with her would have been unhelpful (to put it mildly).

Whether to report it to the police is ultimately a decision for the victim.

I agree with people saying to contact the police. It’s assault with a load of witnesses.

Your daughter should report this to the police as otherwise it gives that girl licence to just hit people with no consequences.

If the parents of the boy are long standing friends of yours, then you should tell them what happened in a way that shows concern for their son. Say that if it were the other way around, you would want to know. Advise them that while he is very welcome, his girlfriend won't be allowed into your house again.

They need to know so that they can talk to their DS and keep an eye on him.