Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who gets the blow up bed?

136 replies

FunAquaExpert · 30/12/2025 18:50

So what are your thoughts on this one.
I live with DH and my 2 children, boy 20, girl 18. DH has daughter,31 married with baby (1). She has never lived with us. DH bought a house in Cornwall before we married. It’s 3 double beds plus a study big enough for single blow up bed or cot. He wanted to be there for Xmas but we settled on Boxing Day with my children staying at home as both have work commitments. Son (and girlfriend) planned to come on 29th and leave 1st. I had come back on 30th for work 31st, pick up my daughter (plus possibly her boyfriend) and be back in time for midnight. We stay until 3rd. My step daughter, husband and baby came over xmas Eve as they chose the day to celebrate with us. Although she has open invitation to Cornwall, She then decided to join us. We of course said yes but said we are short of beds on 31st and explained the plan we had made nearly 2 month previously. She said they would get an Airbnb. 2 days later she asked my daughter to sleep downstairs on a blow up bed. Downstairs is open plan with no doors or door on staircase. My daughter has given up her bed since she was 5 every time my step daughter stayed either at my house or husbands in Cornwall so my daughter said no. My step daughter phoned her dad, screaming that it’s not right and she should have a bed as she has a baby (who would be sleeping in the study) and her husband is 6f1. I argued it was only for one night and it was unfair for my daughter to be woken up during the night and very early in morning as the baby would be up early and she would need the kitchen. The next day my daughter confirmed her boyfriend was coming too, but step daughter then refused to come if she didn’t have a bed. DH has said she could have the bed and my daughter had to sleep downstairs as her boyfriend wasn’t really welcome anyway and certainly not if it meant his daughter wouldn’t come. I had suggested they go to the nearby (20mins) premier inn leaving the baby with us (he has stayed with us overnight before) or they come on 1st instead. Both were refused. I maintained we had already made plans and my step daughter only decided a couple of days ago so she should have the blow up bed. But husband maintains his daughter should have it because she is older and has a baby. So who should be on the blow up bed?

For further context, I came home and my children decided to stay with me and no go. Husband is staying in Cornwall and his daughter is still visiting.

OP posts:
SereneCoralExpert · 30/12/2025 19:33

Step-daughter sounds like a right little Madame spoiled by her dad, your poor daughter! Talk about not being made feel welcome

Completely different to say to the rude one: of course come, we would love to have you, but be aware the bedrooms are busy so the only bed left is a blow-up bed

to saying to the younger one: we arranged for your visit months in advance, but we've decided you're not really welcome, you don't get a bedroom, you can have a blow up bed if you really must come, but it's not your house

which is basically what it all means

I would have stayed away with my children, fair enough it's HIS house , HIS daughter, but then you don't need to be there

midsomermurderer · 30/12/2025 19:33

Coconutter24 · 30/12/2025 19:31

Why? She gave birth at least a year ago

Show quote history

Because lifting and carrying a one year old throughout the day is physically demanding?

SBGM247 · 30/12/2025 19:32

At this point it's probably about saving face. If your son was willing to be gallant @FunAquaExpert it'd certainly save a lot of trouble.

5128gap · 30/12/2025 19:31

Baby is a red herring as will be in the travel cot in the study regardless. So you have 4 couples and 3 proper bedrooms plus a blow up bed in the living area. Three good options, one rubbish one. I'd say the couple who came last to the arrangement get the blow up bed. Or you as hosts take it so all your guests get an equally good bed.

Coconutter24 · 30/12/2025 19:31

midsomermurderer · 30/12/2025 19:19

A relatively new mum looking after a baby shouldnt be on an airbed.

Why? She gave birth at least a year ago

ittakes2 · 30/12/2025 19:31

Your husband bought a house before he met you and absolutely yes his child who has a baby should get a bed. Your daughter is 18 she’ll be fine sleeping anywhere (unless she has a disability you did not mention).
cheeky to think his daughter should leave her baby and go to a hotel shame on you!

midsomermurderer · 30/12/2025 19:30

CountingQuiche · 30/12/2025 19:29

Never in my life of multiple generations of family strife, has anyone screamed. I find that so hard to comprehend

@martinisforeveryone On MN, anything involving a slightly raised voice is "screaming".

Particularly when a poster is wanting to use emotive language to add weight to their argument...

shouldicontactthisperson · 30/12/2025 19:30

That’s actually a good point above - let the couple with a new baby have the master bedroom. You and DH could use the sofa bed as a one off, so all of the DC have a proper bed for the night.

BettysRoasties · 30/12/2025 19:30

If I was visiting my dad’s holiday home and couldn’t have a bedroom I wouldn’t go. Especially if my two step siblings got a double bedroom each.

Id leave dad to his new family.

CountingQuiche · 30/12/2025 19:29

Never in my life of multiple generations of family strife, has anyone screamed. I find that so hard to comprehend

@martinisforeveryone On MN, anything involving a slightly raised voice is "screaming".

midsomermurderer · 30/12/2025 19:28

BreadInCaptivity · 30/12/2025 19:24

Then maybe she should have booked plans in advance or accepted no room at the inn and booked elsewhere.

Show quote history

I presume when she said she'd get an airbnb she tried and then found that in the christmas and new year period in a popular holiday location that nothing was available.

She shouldn't have shouted, but I would assume as a mum with a baby that she has to carry around and look after her back would appreciate a proper bed more than an 18 year old.

To me mum of baby needs a bed, 18 year old girl is seeing it as a staus symbol/marker of her place in the family.

Coconutter24 · 30/12/2025 19:28

If your DH is insisting his DD has a bed then he should give up his

shouldicontactthisperson · 30/12/2025 19:28

This situation will presumably arise again - would it be possible to get a sofa bed for the study, a decent one that could be used by any of the couples?

martinisforeveryone · 30/12/2025 19:26

Never in my life of multiple generations of family strife, has anyone screamed. I find that so hard to comprehend.

In this given situation I'd just pay for my DD and her partner to stay in the Travel Lodge and a taxi back and forth and frankly, if I were the DD, I'd jump at that.

BreadInCaptivity · 30/12/2025 19:24

midsomermurderer · 30/12/2025 19:19

A relatively new mum looking after a baby shouldnt be on an airbed.

Then maybe she should have booked plans in advance or accepted no room at the inn and booked elsewhere.

EleanorReally · 30/12/2025 19:23

just let your daughter give up her bed for one night

jeaux90 · 30/12/2025 19:22

FollowSpot · 30/12/2025 18:57

Hard to follow.

But its your DH's house so no wonder his Dd feels she should get one of the bedrooms if she stays - and with her baby.

They are married. It’s their house not his.
I think the issue here is not who sleeps where it’s the entitlement. And why wouldn’t they want to sleep in the same room as their baby.

or you move the travel cot, into your room and let them take that one.

Your DD should not be the one to take it on the chin.

HyperactiveHyperdrive · 30/12/2025 19:22

You and your husband should have the crap bed. You have created a situation with too many kids so this is the consequence if you want to all be together.

CherieBabySpliffUp · 30/12/2025 19:20

Another vote for his DD and partner. The plan was made 2 months ago, she's a late addition so she gets the blow-up bed.

EleanorReally · 30/12/2025 19:20

if it is just one night they surely can accommodate without a screaming phone call?

midsomermurderer · 30/12/2025 19:19

A relatively new mum looking after a baby shouldnt be on an airbed.

hyggetyggedotorg · 30/12/2025 19:19

You & your DH are obviously?

DSD & her baby take your room. DS & partner use a bedroom. DD & partner use a bedroom.

I8toys · 30/12/2025 19:18

Plans were already made and she came along and expected everyone to jump to her tune. His DD is unreasonable

PhantomOfAllKnowledge · 30/12/2025 19:17

When DH and I have been in a not-enough-proper-beds for guests situation, we've taken the crappest option - sofa bed/camp beds - and let the guests have the king size bed. In my opinion, barring issues with health etc. that would prevent it, the hosts should at least offer to take the worst bed.

Gliblet · 30/12/2025 19:16

The person with repulsive enough manners to ring up and screech like a safari park chimp at feeding time demanding a bed sleeps on the blow up mattress. Or a pile of straw. Whichever you could be bothered to provide, really. Having a baby does not exempt you from behaving decently.