Who gets the blow up bed?

It’s sad that no one would compromise and that you didn’t end up spending nye together.

Was your ds never asked to take the blow up bed? Either as a child or last night? Only your dd?

I can only imagine how toxic this environment has been for your children being rared with such an unreasonable man and his daughter.

Blending seems to bring together the most awful of people with children as collateral damage.

No your daughter should not have been moved from arrangements, because of last minute add ons, but it seems this has been her position for years.

Hi op your kids will never win against his dd so it would not matter what you agreed to do before it might be better to say you need to know who is attending beforehand then work out the rooms but his dd sounds entitled so either get used to spending it separately or one of your kids need to compromise unfortunately blood is thicker than water.

Just remembered one Family Trip our small ds slept on an air bed at the bottom of the fitted wardrobe /cupboard.. He bloody loved it!!
Have also had 2 teen ds's sleep on 2 huge IKEA sofas with a dozen throws on them!! They loved that!

Hubby’s house so his child should have a bed, she came before you.

That is a heartless comment. Perhaps she has yet to actually have a decent nights sleep 12 months in or not.

I've had a stroke, have Multiple Sclerosis and Epilepsy. I'd still sleep on the blowup bed.

Baby go in travel cot in open plan room.
DS and partner go on blow up mattress in study.
DSD and partner go in double room (assume travel cot won’t fit?)
DD and partner go in double room.

Without a doubt DH and I would take the air bed and I say that as someone who loves their bed and is recovering from knee surgery.

I would relish the opportunity to spend New Years with my adult children. Mine haven’t been with me since they were 16/17 as friends always seem to trump family with them at Hogmanay. I think you are lucky to have that close relationship and I would want to ‘reward’ and encourage that to continue by giving them a bedroom.

My children are likely to drink more and be in need of a lie in. I wouldn’t want to have a sleep deprived, grumpy hungover child mopping about the next day. I need less sleep than them and would rather they were in bed out the way the next morning than lying about the living space getting in the way.

I do think a couple in their 30’s who have a baby and are guests would need more privacy than my husband and I who are in our own holiday home. I would rather the mild inconvenience of rising and dressing early then being able to get on with the day rather than hanging about upstairs until my step daughter and husband were up and about downstairs.

I would also love to be the one to get up early on New Years Day with my grandchild. What a lovely way to start the year. Though if the parents had your bedroom they may prefer to have the baby in that room if there is space for the travel cot.

Nothing like this would make me spend New Year appart from my husband. I would sleep under the Christmas tree as long as we were starting the Year together.

I quite like what a PP said.

Remove op and dh’s bedroom from the argument.

When it’s going to be a full house each parent gets one bedroom allocated for their adult child.

That’s a fair split on rooms between the family.

Though I know some will disagree based on dh only having one child so she would always get a room but that’s not his or his daughter fault either.

Ops son and daughter can pull straws or take it in turns when dh’s daughter visits and when she’s not there both get a room.

I think where you are coming unstuck is "Both me and my husband have defended our respective child, as every parent should," to me that logic is flawed. You should both defend you child if all things are equal, but they are not. You are defending your child despite their needs being less based on principal and principal alone.

Of course a mum with a young baby has greater need of a proper bed than a healthy and fit 18 or 20 year old man or woman.

It’s a power play and your husband should shut it down; if he won’t I’d not go there again if his daughter also has an open invitation. You’re right to stick up for your daughter.

It’s irrelevant who needs the bed more. You all had plans set and sleeping arrangements made and she jumped on last minute. Would she expect to turn up at a fully booked hotel and have them turf a guest out to accommodate her because she has a baby?

It seems this particular young mother wants to sleep separately from her (not newborn) baby. Her in a bedroom (upstairs) and her baby in the study downstairs.

So that puts to bed (pun intended) the contentious on here that are (in any form):

• a 'new mother" needs a bed
• baby can't be in an airbed
• mother wants to be near her baby
• baby needs a room

Has there been any suggestion by her father @FunAquaExpert that he will give up his room and sleep on the airbed or your son could? Or are they also too tall to have to submit to the whims of his daughter? (Also on that, are the beds all notably bigger than the airbed, so the daughter's husband's height could have any weight in that (very MN) argument?)

I would say your step daughter with a husband and baby trumps your daughter boyfriend or not- sorry op. Could see no you not have asked her and her boyfriend to do one night at the premier Inn?

This

I also think the son.
it’s a bit harsh to ask a family with a newborn to sleep in an open plan area and if your daughter feels put out cause she always gives up her bed then should really be your son. If it’s just for 1 night.

On the face of it I can see how your DSD would be upset. Logically things should be split evenly otherwise resentment will always be there. A bedroom for each ‘child’ (or set of children) from each side of the marriage, especially because the house was a premarital asset. Your ds should have given up the room. Why is it always your dd? She will always be the youngest. Time to get a larger house or extension perhaps?

What's the problem with DD's boyfriend? Why is he not wanted while DS's girlfriend is apparently okay? Unless there's some legitimate reason why he's persona non grata, I'd say it's pretty telling that your husband is so dismissive. Is your daughter always lowest in the pecking order where he's concerned? I don't blame her for not wanting to back down, in that case.

When does it ever end? She'll always be the youngest, so will she always be expected to quietly accept the worst accommodations? What about when she has a baby of her own and your step-daughter's child is 5, 10, or 15? What if both of them have babies of roughly the same age?

I think this is simple....

Your DSD, DD, and son's gf get one room.

Your DS, DSD's partner, and DD's partner get the other room.

If anyone doesn't like this arrangement they have volunteered to take the airbed. Wait to see who blinks first

You can't expect a mother to sleep downstairs while her baby is upstairs. Neither can you expect everyone else to sleep upstairs while there's a baby screaming blue murder because its mother is a floor away and can't hear it.

Either you give your room to the couple with the baby and you sleep downstairs, or you ask the single person to give up their double room and sleep in the study. The baby goes in with its parents and doesn't get a whole room to itself.

If your partner bought the house before you met him, it's not surprising that his daughter thinks she should be as welcome at his house as his adult stepchildren.

You and dh could sleep on the blow up bed.

You and your DH should take the airbed for the night.

The "children" are all adults, so I don't think there's an age hierarchy.

It seems unfair to remove a bed from an adult who was invited to stay, and frankly I don't see why a mum can't sleep on a blow up bed, I certainly did when staying with family when my dc were that age.

I wouldn't be happy about the favouritism to his dd tbh. At the very least, your dh should have been clear you your dc at the point of invite that they'd only get a bed if someone he preferred didn't want it. If he's going to be rude and unwelcoming, he should face up to it!

Honestly, I'd have given up the bed as host before I made the hierarchy of who was liked most this clear to a group of dc. It's unkind.

He’s 6’1 in height not 61