Page 3 | To go on holiday without him?

Flymeaway5 · 2025-12-30T16:12:54+00:00

I work for an airline, so we get our flights cheap and its saved us a tonne of money over the years. On the downside, we only get on if there's space, so holidays need to be planned quite last minute, need a bit of flexibility etc. I've been planning for us to go away after Christmas for a week, about the busiest time of year. Was planning the far east, but the flight got full last minute, so I've been scrambling to find an alternative. It's taken hours of research (flights, flights with onward connections, hotels etc), all whilst packing for me and kids. Now husband says he won't go. He says it's been postponed too much, he doesn't want more than 1 flight and he won't go all that way unless it's in business class (we'd be in premium economy I think). I'm livid. He does no work towards planning and packing whatsoever, so cancelling means nothing to him. Shall I just go without him? Means a holiday just me and 3 kids.

Vaxtable · 31/12/2025 10:24

I would go without him and the kids

Enrichetta · 31/12/2025 10:22

Personally I simply can’t understand how a husband and father can be so utterly selfish and inconsiderate. He really has shown you where he puts you and his family on his list of priorities.

I’m guessing he is not a hands-on father the rest of the time. Hopefully he has some good points to compensate…?

Original poster

Flymeaway5 · 31/12/2025 10:15

Heronwatcher · 31/12/2025 09:49

Appreciate that, but why can’t you go somewhere within the Uk or at least a bit closer this time (like driving to France or something)? Then try to unpack why he’s being an arse?

If you think he’s just a horrible person then fine, but isn’t it worth trying to compromise and work out where he’s coming from (and at least getting some sort of break)?

As you’ve seen lots of people on this thread wouldn’t be queuing up for this holiday themselves with young kids. It may be that this last minute type holiday just won’t work for him while the kids are young and you might need to go for predicable but less expensive options for a few years. Or start taking the kids individually/ in turn without him.

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If that's the case, then he needs to give more than 12hrs notice.

And I'm not sure I can face unpacking and repacking everything (and replanning everything, because it'll be me that does that too), at least not today.

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Aquarius91 · 31/12/2025 10:00

Everyone whipping out the violins for poor DH and the stress he’s faced…he’s done fuck all for this holiday!! Every bit of the stress-planning, researching, packing has been done by op!
He's a selfish guy and a spoiled brat.
OP is there a friend or relative who you could take? I’d be delighted for a cheap long haul in Jan.

Heronwatcher · 31/12/2025 09:49

Flymeaway5 · 31/12/2025 09:43

I think you're missing the point, actually. If he didn't want to go, for whatever reason, it's incredibly selfish of him to let me go to all that effort to get us ready, just to say nope with 12hrs to go. Hours of research, hours of packing, getting baby a passport and an esta, buying him summer clothes, buying sun cream, insect repellant etc. He does none of that, he just turns up with his swimmers and a toothbrush, ready to board. Its my time he's wasted, not his own.

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Appreciate that, but why can’t you go somewhere within the Uk or at least a bit closer this time (like driving to France or something)? Then try to unpack why he’s being an arse?

If you think he’s just a horrible person then fine, but isn’t it worth trying to compromise and work out where he’s coming from (and at least getting some sort of break)?

As you’ve seen lots of people on this thread wouldn’t be queuing up for this holiday themselves with young kids. It may be that this last minute type holiday just won’t work for him while the kids are young and you might need to go for predicable but less expensive options for a few years. Or start taking the kids individually/ in turn without him.

Original poster

Flymeaway5 · 31/12/2025 09:46

SpinandSing · 31/12/2025 09:15

I think you can do this if you have a v good kids club for the two eldest and they are both very well behaved. How closely will they listen and follow your instructions at the airport and in the hotel?

Also, you'll need to travel lighter so just one bag on wheels and one big backpack on your back. The two walking kids can have their own little backpacks.

I flew loads as a singleton with my two children from 8 weeks onwards. It was great as my eldest was always my little helper.

I'm not sure, possibly, but I'd need a bit more notice to figure it all out I think. I might have to next time though!

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Original poster

Flymeaway5 · 31/12/2025 09:43

EdgeOfThirtySeven · 31/12/2025 08:37

You don't seem to be thinking about your husband, or what he wants, at all.

It's all "The children will be fine! They love getting on a plane! And I want to do it!".

Any concerns or wishes of his just seem to cause you resentment.

I think you're missing the point, actually. If he didn't want to go, for whatever reason, it's incredibly selfish of him to let me go to all that effort to get us ready, just to say nope with 12hrs to go. Hours of research, hours of packing, getting baby a passport and an esta, buying him summer clothes, buying sun cream, insect repellant etc. He does none of that, he just turns up with his swimmers and a toothbrush, ready to board. Its my time he's wasted, not his own.

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Original poster

Flymeaway5 · 31/12/2025 09:31

Elphamouche · 30/12/2025 23:49

I’m assuming he isn’t new to your job and how it works? I’m in the same industry, different role. It’s last minute, changes are unpredictable. But he’s being a complete knob refusing because it’s not Business the whole way through! Yes things change and it’s frustrating but surely he’s aware of that by now.

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Yes, 10 years doing staff travel together, but first time in school holidays with children. It's the nature of it though, you just need to be flexible.

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SpinandSing · 31/12/2025 09:15

I think you can do this if you have a v good kids club for the two eldest and they are both very well behaved. How closely will they listen and follow your instructions at the airport and in the hotel?

Also, you'll need to travel lighter so just one bag on wheels and one big backpack on your back. The two walking kids can have their own little backpacks.

I flew loads as a singleton with my two children from 8 weeks onwards. It was great as my eldest was always my little helper.

vanillalattes · 31/12/2025 08:52

Why not take the baby with you and leave the older two at home with their dad?

EdgeOfThirtySeven · 31/12/2025 08:37

You don't seem to be thinking about your husband, or what he wants, at all.

It's all "The children will be fine! They love getting on a plane! And I want to do it!".

Any concerns or wishes of his just seem to cause you resentment.

Elphamouche · 30/12/2025 23:49

Flymeaway5 · 30/12/2025 22:09

Forgive me for being naive, but what do you mean?

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I’m assuming he isn’t new to your job and how it works? I’m in the same industry, different role. It’s last minute, changes are unpredictable. But he’s being a complete knob refusing because it’s not Business the whole way through! Yes things change and it’s frustrating but surely he’s aware of that by now.

Original poster

Flymeaway5 · 30/12/2025 22:12

Mrsclausemunchingonamincepie · 30/12/2025 20:40

You'd rather waste 3k than manage 3 dc alone?
Wow.

Maybe I didn't phrase it right, but I was trying your say I don't want to waste £3k. Unless maybe I misunderstand you

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Original poster

Flymeaway5 · 30/12/2025 22:09

Elphamouche · 30/12/2025 20:54

He’s being a knob. He knows how this game works!!

Forgive me for being naive, but what do you mean?

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VickyEadieofThigh · 30/12/2025 22:06

So you leave the other 2 behind?

Original poster

Flymeaway5 · 30/12/2025 21:51

VickyEadieofThigh · 30/12/2025 21:09

And what happens when YOU need the toilet?!

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When baby's in a sling I can go to the loo fine?!

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Original poster

Flymeaway5 · 30/12/2025 21:49

I already said several posts ago that I won't be going just me and the kids. I'd love to be the kind of person who could handle that, but I'm not, the logistics just won't work. But I stand by it being a great holiday for our family, had he not bailed at the last minute. It might not work for your families, but our kids love getting on a plane, as do many other I know (this is tried and tested already, so its not a concern).

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MrsTerryPratchett · 30/12/2025 21:36

Take the baby. He can explain to the oldest. Who won’t get a beach either way.

cordeliavorkosigan · 30/12/2025 21:32

Take the oldest and the baby?

firstofallimadelight · 30/12/2025 21:28

I’d go just to make a point of he doesn’t get to dictate.

VickyEadieofThigh · 30/12/2025 21:09

VickyEadieofThigh · 30/12/2025 21:02

How do you manage 3 children of those ages alone on a plane? What happens when one wants the toilet?

And what happens when YOU need the toilet?!

VickyEadieofThigh · 30/12/2025 21:02

How do you manage 3 children of those ages alone on a plane? What happens when one wants the toilet?

RecordBreakers · 30/12/2025 20:59

You're right, he is being a spoiled brat and now we're all missing out. I'm so mad

But that is not what most people are saying.

The way you asked the question is confusing the vote.
I am one of (the majority) who voted YANBU, because, when I voted, I voted that don't think it is unreasonable to take dc on holiday without your dh.
HOWEVER I think the idea of THIS holiday is bonkers. As do most people.

Most people who have replied have said they are with your dh.
It is a ridiculous idea to go away like that.

Elphamouche · 30/12/2025 20:54

He’s being a knob. He knows how this game works!!

EdgeOfThirtySeven · 30/12/2025 20:45

Clearinguptheclutter · 30/12/2025 20:43

Your dh is being annoying but no way I’d fancy a long haul flight for just a week with three such young children. I’d keep the long haul for when I could go for at least 12ish days

Would a week in the canaries not be a better plan?

even if your kids are good fliers, are they good with jet lag too? I doubt it.

Edited

Good point about jet lag, if OP wants to drag them all to Mexico. So, back to school and the new year, feeling like shite!