Page 2 | To go on holiday without him?

Flymeaway5 · 2025-12-30T16:12:54+00:00

I work for an airline, so we get our flights cheap and its saved us a tonne of money over the years. On the downside, we only get on if there's space, so holidays need to be planned quite last minute, need a bit of flexibility etc. I've been planning for us to go away after Christmas for a week, about the busiest time of year. Was planning the far east, but the flight got full last minute, so I've been scrambling to find an alternative. It's taken hours of research (flights, flights with onward connections, hotels etc), all whilst packing for me and kids. Now husband says he won't go. He says it's been postponed too much, he doesn't want more than 1 flight and he won't go all that way unless it's in business class (we'd be in premium economy I think). I'm livid. He does no work towards planning and packing whatsoever, so cancelling means nothing to him. Shall I just go without him? Means a holiday just me and 3 kids.

Christmaseree · 31/12/2025 15:17

Flymeaway5 · 31/12/2025 15:13

Yes, we could switch destination, if that's what you mean? I feel like its too late to go now though, she'll miss a whole week at school. And he's already decided he's not going now, there's no changing his mind. And nobody else to go with us.

I just need to have a think about next time now. Do I just accept he's not going, plan without him? Or go away without staff travel (means doubling the budget, or more likely, halving how long/often we go away)? Neither seem great to me

I think that’s just life once we’re restricted to school holiday travel.
I remember my neighbours who worked for an airline being all packed one Christmas ready to go to Thailand just afterwards and their plane became full so they changed to Barbados for a short duration. It did sound really stressy.

Original poster

Flymeaway5 · 31/12/2025 15:15

Nearly50omg · 31/12/2025 15:05

Take someone else with you?!! Have you got a parent or sibling who would like to go with you?

Sister has work and parents already have another holiday planned next week, unfortunately

OP posts:

Original poster

Flymeaway5 · 31/12/2025 15:13

Yes, we could switch destination, if that's what you mean? I feel like its too late to go now though, she'll miss a whole week at school. And he's already decided he's not going now, there's no changing his mind. And nobody else to go with us.

I just need to have a think about next time now. Do I just accept he's not going, plan without him? Or go away without staff travel (means doubling the budget, or more likely, halving how long/often we go away)? Neither seem great to me

OP posts:

Nearly50omg · 31/12/2025 15:09

Flymeaway5 · 30/12/2025 19:28

Can't go alone, I couldn't do that to the kids. Youngest is exclusively breastfed and eldest keep asking when they're going to the beach, I can't tell them I'm going without them!

I'm in an impossible situation now though. I'm in foul mood with him for spoiling it all, and even if I persuade him to go I'll just be mad at him abroad instead (and £3k poorer for it)

I'm just so mad and disappointed.

Take the baby and leave the other 2 with him and tell them that dad will be organising the next holiday and to ask him when they are going to the beach etc!

Nearly50omg · 31/12/2025 15:07

Flymeaway5 · 31/12/2025 11:35

He actually is a pretty hands on dad (another reason why i don't get it), does all bath times, do all bedtimes together, parks, soft plays etc. And he loves the sun too.

No back issues, think he's just got a bit used to a nice seat after 10 years at the front of the plane.

I've heard mixed messaged about primary children and fines. My sister never got one, but my friends school fined her when her child was in reception. I'm not bothered about the fine, it's multiple fines and a court date in the future I'd be worried about!

No, can't take anyone else, wish i could, but everyone has work.

Show quote history

That’s not the good bit about being a dad that’s the Disney dad part! The bedtimes and playing etc are the easy bits! Does he get up in the middle of the night and let you sleep? Does he do all the shitty jobs or does he leave you to deal with them ?

Nearly50omg · 31/12/2025 15:05

Take someone else with you?!! Have you got a parent or sibling who would like to go with you?

Nearly50omg · 31/12/2025 15:03

somanychristmaslights · 30/12/2025 16:16

I must say, I would find all that rather stressful. Does he work? How easy is it for him to get time off? Keep changing plans would really stress me out.

HE has done NONE of the booking etc!! HE has had NONE of the stress of that!!

OP go have a lovely holiday and enjoy the peace without him!

Christmaseree · 31/12/2025 15:01

Flymeaway5 · 31/12/2025 15:00

Partly necessity (it's my staff travel, my work login, only I am allowed to access and book it etc). I'm just better at organising stuff too. And I enjoy planning them. We each have our own things we're better at in a relationship, surely? He's better at mowing the lawn and getting the log burner going etc.

Show quote history

Do you have the option to switch to 5 or 6 nights in The Canaries?

Original poster

Flymeaway5 · 31/12/2025 15:00

Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 31/12/2025 12:23

He does none of that, he just turns up with his swimmers and a toothbrush, ready to board.

Why? Why is this something you accept?

Show quote history

Partly necessity (it's my staff travel, my work login, only I am allowed to access and book it etc). I'm just better at organising stuff too. And I enjoy planning them. We each have our own things we're better at in a relationship, surely? He's better at mowing the lawn and getting the log burner going etc.

OP posts:

WalkDontWalk · 31/12/2025 13:33

99bottlesofkombucha · 31/12/2025 12:32

one person is pretty challenged to take a 5 year old, 3 year old and baby swimming, I’d say it cant be done unless you have a swim baby carrier and even then it’d be hard to grab the 3 & 5yo. I don’t think you’re allowed in at our pool with 3 under 8 and just one adult.
I’d tell him very seriously that ‘you might think about neatly unpacking the kids bags and as you do, note how I have bought everything in them. You should know that I’m thinking of planning the next trip for just the kids and me to make sure you couldn’t cancel it on us again. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me, I don’t feel like I can risk planning a holiday that you’re part of any time soon.’

Show quote history

Yeah, three's pushing it. Two was doable.

Jinglejells · 31/12/2025 13:29

Applespearsandpeaches · 31/12/2025 13:09

I think he’s completely reasonable not to want to go. You could offer me a million pounds to take three kids including a baby to Mexico all inclusive last minute and I’d turn it down.

I am absolutely baffled you have somehow bought clothes, packed, got a passport for the baby and with 12 hours to go he’s pulled out though - either he shouldn’t have agreed to go anywhere at all if he didn’t like uncertainty, or he should get on the plane with good grace at this point. But I’m also baffled you got that far without a commitment from him before you started packing cases and telling the kids about it.

Exactly. Those ages gives me the shudders.

Jinglejells · 31/12/2025 13:27

At those ages, it’s madness. I fully agree with him. It will be the furthest thing from a holiday and more exhausting than anything. And anything other than a direct flight for that distance with those ages- no thank you!

Wreckinball · 31/12/2025 13:20

I’m all up for last minute adventure but alone with 3 kids, what if you get ill, its a big responsibility

Applespearsandpeaches · 31/12/2025 13:09

I think he’s completely reasonable not to want to go. You could offer me a million pounds to take three kids including a baby to Mexico all inclusive last minute and I’d turn it down.

I am absolutely baffled you have somehow bought clothes, packed, got a passport for the baby and with 12 hours to go he’s pulled out though - either he shouldn’t have agreed to go anywhere at all if he didn’t like uncertainty, or he should get on the plane with good grace at this point. But I’m also baffled you got that far without a commitment from him before you started packing cases and telling the kids about it.

Soonenough · 31/12/2025 12:43

So if he could fly business or first class it would be OK? And you now get to take 3 kids along as well for free? Who the fuck does he think he is ?? It's called family life dude . I would be so mad at him letting you do all that work and last minute saying it's not good enough . He watched you pack etc. and only now said he is not going ? LTB 😀

SereneCoralExpert · 31/12/2025 12:33

If the "faffing" is too much for him, why doesn't he book and PAY an easy luxury himself?

You're doing the best you can, if he doesn't want to go, he can stay home, but he can't stop you going.

99bottlesofkombucha · 31/12/2025 12:32

WalkDontWalk · 31/12/2025 11:44

Sure, go.

OH and I often go away alone, or with kids (when they were kids). Also together, of course.

Why not?

one person is pretty challenged to take a 5 year old, 3 year old and baby swimming, I’d say it cant be done unless you have a swim baby carrier and even then it’d be hard to grab the 3 & 5yo. I don’t think you’re allowed in at our pool with 3 under 8 and just one adult.
I’d tell him very seriously that ‘you might think about neatly unpacking the kids bags and as you do, note how I have bought everything in them. You should know that I’m thinking of planning the next trip for just the kids and me to make sure you couldn’t cancel it on us again. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me, I don’t feel like I can risk planning a holiday that you’re part of any time soon.’

Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 31/12/2025 12:23

Flymeaway5 · 31/12/2025 09:43

I think you're missing the point, actually. If he didn't want to go, for whatever reason, it's incredibly selfish of him to let me go to all that effort to get us ready, just to say nope with 12hrs to go. Hours of research, hours of packing, getting baby a passport and an esta, buying him summer clothes, buying sun cream, insect repellant etc. He does none of that, he just turns up with his swimmers and a toothbrush, ready to board. Its my time he's wasted, not his own.

Show quote history

He does none of that, he just turns up with his swimmers and a toothbrush, ready to board.

Why? Why is this something you accept?

LlynTegid · 31/12/2025 12:02

The only one flight should have been made clear to you long before you started research. The business class only reasonable if he is very tall.

titchy · 31/12/2025 11:50

Can you take someone else with you? Or leave him with the 3 year old?

WalkDontWalk · 31/12/2025 11:44

Sure, go.

OH and I often go away alone, or with kids (when they were kids). Also together, of course.

Why not?

Original poster

Flymeaway5 · 31/12/2025 11:35

Enrichetta · 31/12/2025 10:22

Personally I simply can’t understand how a husband and father can be so utterly selfish and inconsiderate. He really has shown you where he puts you and his family on his list of priorities.

I’m guessing he is not a hands-on father the rest of the time. Hopefully he has some good points to compensate…?

He actually is a pretty hands on dad (another reason why i don't get it), does all bath times, do all bedtimes together, parks, soft plays etc. And he loves the sun too.

No back issues, think he's just got a bit used to a nice seat after 10 years at the front of the plane.

I've heard mixed messaged about primary children and fines. My sister never got one, but my friends school fined her when her child was in reception. I'm not bothered about the fine, it's multiple fines and a court date in the future I'd be worried about!

No, can't take anyone else, wish i could, but everyone has work.

OP posts:

mamas12 · 31/12/2025 10:48

Can you take someone else ?
mum sister?

Clasaassa · 31/12/2025 10:37

I’d be really annoyed too. Is he usually like this? Is there a reason he won’t fly long haul in premium economy? (Back issues etc).

Can you calmly (not an argument) tell him how much you need this holiday and ask him why he wants to stop it from happening?

I wouldn’t worry about going back one day after school starts as your child is five, it’s not a big deal. At my son’s primary school, the teachers say things like “so I can plan, is anyone going to be off “sick” next week?” (The week before half term break. Once, DS put his hand up because he had a cough and thought he’d be off sick, and the teacher counted him out of an activity because she thought he was going on holiday!)

SBGM247 · 31/12/2025 10:27

Heronwatcher · 30/12/2025 16:40

What a dick!

I’d give my right arm for a hot all inclusive at the moment. I did the carribean with kids that age and the flights were fine.

If he’s saying no, tell him you will all be going somewhere in the UK together so he knows he’s not getting out of it completely. The miserable bastard might re-think things next time after a week in Wales…

I'd love a week in Wales. Don't threaten me with a good time!