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Original poster

To go on holiday without him?

115 replies

Flymeaway5 · 30/12/2025 16:12

I work for an airline, so we get our flights cheap and its saved us a tonne of money over the years. On the downside, we only get on if there's space, so holidays need to be planned quite last minute, need a bit of flexibility etc.

I've been planning for us to go away after Christmas for a week, about the busiest time of year. Was planning the far east, but the flight got full last minute, so I've been scrambling to find an alternative. It's taken hours of research (flights, flights with onward connections, hotels etc), all whilst packing for me and kids. Now husband says he won't go. He says it's been postponed too much, he doesn't want more than 1 flight and he won't go all that way unless it's in business class (we'd be in premium economy I think).

I'm livid. He does no work towards planning and packing whatsoever, so cancelling means nothing to him.

Shall I just go without him? Means a holiday just me and 3 kids.

OP posts:
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Thechaseison71 · 04/01/2026 08:00

VickyEadieofThigh · 30/12/2025 21:02

How do you manage 3 children of those ages alone on a plane? What happens when one wants the toilet?

Same way any single parent would I suppose. Just get on with it.

Id live being able to get flights last minute like that Exactly the sort of thing that's in my element.

LoudSnoringDog · 04/01/2026 07:07

The reality of it is that this last minute holiday set up only really works if you’re childless. All this last minute carnage works less well when you throw kids into the mix. Whilst I would like to think that this is a perk of the job, all the uncertainty would annoy me. Now you have a school age child this is going to happen much more than it did pre school ( and the restrictions of dates).

InfiniteJester · 03/01/2026 23:58

How unfair of your DH! It’s really rubbish of him to agree & to have you do all the research just for him to then say he’s not going now because of the changes. Everyone knows that flexibility is needed for organising these sorts of trips. And to stipulate that class of flight! Sounds like he’s deliberately being contrary. Maybe he’s jealous of the perks of your job, but he’s being unreasonable.

It’s so easy to say - yes, just go on your own, but I know it’s not the easiest thing & doesnt necessarily resolve it.

What did you decide in the end?

Katie0909 · 03/01/2026 21:50

vanillalattes · 30/12/2025 16:59

Go on your own and leave him with the kids.

Absolutely this. He'll behave differently next time if you leave him with the kids for a week!

NiftyTraybake · 03/01/2026 21:13

May as well save time and phone the divorce lawyer now.

NaneePolly · 03/01/2026 20:29

Flymeaway5 · 30/12/2025 16:12

I work for an airline, so we get our flights cheap and its saved us a tonne of money over the years. On the downside, we only get on if there's space, so holidays need to be planned quite last minute, need a bit of flexibility etc.

I've been planning for us to go away after Christmas for a week, about the busiest time of year. Was planning the far east, but the flight got full last minute, so I've been scrambling to find an alternative. It's taken hours of research (flights, flights with onward connections, hotels etc), all whilst packing for me and kids. Now husband says he won't go. He says it's been postponed too much, he doesn't want more than 1 flight and he won't go all that way unless it's in business class (we'd be in premium economy I think).

I'm livid. He does no work towards planning and packing whatsoever, so cancelling means nothing to him.

Shall I just go without him? Means a holiday just me and 3 kids.

Just go without him or let him book and pay for a family holiday

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 03/01/2026 20:00

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 31/12/2025 16:35

I hate these type of threads, the posters all tell you you're mad to do x y or z because they wouldn't enjoy it. In my opinion that's completely irrelevant. Your husband:

  • agreed to a long haul flight to go on holiday with very young kids
  • knew that there would need to be flexibility involved i.e. dates and location might change
  • is off work anyway
  • had thrown a last minute princess strop because he isn't in business

Unless he was clear that he would only fly long haul if it was business from the get go, then whatever the situation (even if posters wouldn't choose an activity themselves) its shit to agree to something, let you do a shit load of work, and then pull out last minute because of a stipulation he never told you about at the outset. That's completely unreasonable.

Have you calmly discussed how disappointed you are that the kids and you were looking forward to it, that you spent lots and lots of effort on it, and how unreasonable it is to cancel you last minute because its not business when the vast majority of people couldn't even afford to travel economy long haul in peak holidays. That it doesn't feel fair what he has done and you'll struggle to not feel resentment over the next few weeks when it's too cold and dark to go out much or do much with a baby, because he couldn't cope without stretching his legs out for a few hours

All of this

Id go in holiday anyway. An easier one though.

OneProudAquaFinch · 03/01/2026 19:52

Im staying home wife taking 2 grandkids to Orlando no bloody noise for 2 weeks no nagging earhole bashing excellent

Honeypickle · 03/01/2026 10:03

I would have gone anyway even if it wasn’t the greatest holiday having to do all the solo childcare. Why? Because I bet it would have completely shocked him that you stood up for yourself and went anyway, and he ultimately lost out on a holiday. And I bet he wouldn’t have pulled this stunt again in the future.

Nearly50omg · 03/01/2026 09:58

If you are going to lose money cancelling them make sure he knows that HE will be the one losing money not YOU! He needs to refund you any money you’ve paid as he’s caused this!

LoveMyBusPass · 02/01/2026 09:11

Only me and partner, but I do all the planning if we go away. One year, I spent ages trying to organise trip to Germany - we don't fly for environmental reasons, so it was a lot of changes of transport. Then, at the last minute, the ferry price was unreasonable. So I said "why don't we forget about it and go to Whitby?" So we did and it was brilliant. Take the children to Center Parcs or similar. They will have far more fun. You don't want to be flying across the world with them when they are so small. Do they really want to go to the Far East?

MMAS · 31/12/2025 21:34

You answered your own question

Nantescalling · 31/12/2025 20:41

Flymeaway5 · 30/12/2025 20:35

What's stressy about a week in the sun, all inclusive, flying premium economy direct each way?! He does nothing to help plan it either, I do it all and pack it all, he just hand me a pile of his clothes.

And even if it is and i just don't get stressed by that the same way he does, then why wait til I've spent hours researching and more hours packing to tell me that?! Bags are currently still all packed, as I can't face unpacking them now.

on't think of unpacking. Do the easy Mexico thing, just you and tiddlers. He's better off alone at home since he's such a miserable git. You will be able to find a nice young girl to help you, the hotel could probably arrange it for peanuts. I've done this a few times on y own with ditto aged children.

RanchRat · 31/12/2025 20:02

Go with the baby. DH can look after the other dc while you are away.

Tighteningmybelt · 31/12/2025 18:51

I’ll come OP! What time shall I meet you and what airport? I’ll be the one with the pink suitcase and a massive smile! LBT for being an ungrateful dog.

Chinsupmeloves · 31/12/2025 18:42

You're clearly doing all the work and getting it cheap is a huge bonus! Does he maybe just not want to go on holiday? X

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 31/12/2025 16:35

I hate these type of threads, the posters all tell you you're mad to do x y or z because they wouldn't enjoy it. In my opinion that's completely irrelevant. Your husband:

  • agreed to a long haul flight to go on holiday with very young kids
  • knew that there would need to be flexibility involved i.e. dates and location might change
  • is off work anyway
  • had thrown a last minute princess strop because he isn't in business

Unless he was clear that he would only fly long haul if it was business from the get go, then whatever the situation (even if posters wouldn't choose an activity themselves) its shit to agree to something, let you do a shit load of work, and then pull out last minute because of a stipulation he never told you about at the outset. That's completely unreasonable.

Have you calmly discussed how disappointed you are that the kids and you were looking forward to it, that you spent lots and lots of effort on it, and how unreasonable it is to cancel you last minute because its not business when the vast majority of people couldn't even afford to travel economy long haul in peak holidays. That it doesn't feel fair what he has done and you'll struggle to not feel resentment over the next few weeks when it's too cold and dark to go out much or do much with a baby, because he couldn't cope without stretching his legs out for a few hours

Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 31/12/2025 16:23

Flymeaway5 · 31/12/2025 16:03

I don't enjoy doing it for nothing, that's all. Normally I get a holiday at the end of it! The mowing etc were just example. I've no issue with how he pulls his weight or the split of our workload and its getting a bit off topic anyway. I'm not sure what you think qualifies you to make such a sweeping statement based on so little information?!

Show quote history

Which bit of the comment you quoted was my ‘sweeping statement’? If you quote it, I’m happy to clarify why I made it.

Original poster
Flymeaway5 · 31/12/2025 16:03

Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 31/12/2025 15:21

None of that stops him from packing, getting baby a passport and an esta, buying him summer clothes, buying sun cream, insect repellant etc.

If you enjoy doing it all, then that’s fine. But the tone of that comment really didn’t indicate that you do. And, no, I really don’t think that mowing the lawn every couple of weeks for some of the year is a fair trade off.

Show quote history

I don't enjoy doing it for nothing, that's all. Normally I get a holiday at the end of it! The mowing etc were just example. I've no issue with how he pulls his weight or the split of our workload and its getting a bit off topic anyway. I'm not sure what you think qualifies you to make such a sweeping statement based on so little information?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Flymeaway5 · 31/12/2025 15:55

Staff travel just works differently. You can't have the benefit of the discount without accepting the uncertainty. We've been doing it 10yrs, I thought he knew that. We were planning a 'beach' holiday, that's all. Packed based on that, because you pack the same whether the beach is in Mexico or anywhere else. The destination changed last minute, but it was still within the plan

OP posts:
winterbluess · 31/12/2025 15:44

To be fair the holiday sounds like an absolute nightmare and I wouldn't want to go either. Connecting long haul flights with 3 small children?? I know you're saving money, but id rather just pay for a regular holiday!

Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 31/12/2025 15:33

Flymeaway5 · 31/12/2025 15:18

Not as much as me, but baby is breastfed, so limited there. He does get up when bigger children have been sick or wet the bed in the night, put the wash on etc. Not saying he's perfect, but he's better than most

Show quote history

He’s really not. We get some howlers on MN, as nobody is posting about their excellent partners, but what you’ve described definitely isn’t ’better than most’ husbands. It’s interesting that you think so, though.

Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 31/12/2025 15:21

Flymeaway5 · 31/12/2025 15:00

Partly necessity (it's my staff travel, my work login, only I am allowed to access and book it etc). I'm just better at organising stuff too. And I enjoy planning them. We each have our own things we're better at in a relationship, surely? He's better at mowing the lawn and getting the log burner going etc.

Show quote history

None of that stops him from packing, getting baby a passport and an esta, buying him summer clothes, buying sun cream, insect repellant etc.

If you enjoy doing it all, then that’s fine. But the tone of that comment really didn’t indicate that you do. And, no, I really don’t think that mowing the lawn every couple of weeks for some of the year is a fair trade off.

Original poster
Flymeaway5 · 31/12/2025 15:18

Nearly50omg · 31/12/2025 15:07

That’s not the good bit about being a dad that’s the Disney dad part! The bedtimes and playing etc are the easy bits! Does he get up in the middle of the night and let you sleep? Does he do all the shitty jobs or does he leave you to deal with them ?

Show quote history

Not as much as me, but baby is breastfed, so limited there. He does get up when bigger children have been sick or wet the bed in the night, put the wash on etc. Not saying he's perfect, but he's better than most

OP posts:
Applespearsandpeaches · 31/12/2025 15:17

Flymeaway5 · 31/12/2025 09:43

I think you're missing the point, actually. If he didn't want to go, for whatever reason, it's incredibly selfish of him to let me go to all that effort to get us ready, just to say nope with 12hrs to go. Hours of research, hours of packing, getting baby a passport and an esta, buying him summer clothes, buying sun cream, insect repellant etc. He does none of that, he just turns up with his swimmers and a toothbrush, ready to board. Its my time he's wasted, not his own.

Show quote history

Did he actually ever say he wanted to go on this holiday - not “a holiday”, this particular trip to Mexico with the flights and all? Or were you just merrily booking and planning and packing and expecting him to “be flexible” and go along with whatever you decided?

Because the flip side of your post is it’s also a bit daft going to all that effort before you actually get his agreement to the holiday and agree the parameters.

If he agreed and then got cold feet then he’s completely unreasonable and should meet his commitments whether he now fancies it or not.