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AIBU?

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Original poster

Worried about the man I’ve been seeing

207 replies

whyisnothingsimple · 30/12/2025 13:43

I’ve been seeing someone for 17 months - long distance a 2hr drive away. I mainly go to him as we do a hobby together where he lives. We see one another every 2 weeks or so. Recently he has not replied to messages for several days . We both live alone and, apart from this hobby, doesn’t do much else - I have family very near. He hasn’t replied to my message on Saturday - messaged today to ask if he is ok - not read so tried to phone - again no reply so left a voice message asking him to let me know he’s ok. He would normally do the hobby this afternoon - I know someone who also attends at the same time - would it be unreasonable to contact her to ask if he is there? He hates drama as do I but I’m getting really worried - it could be that he’s just ghosting me and don’t want to involve others if that is the case.

OP posts:
Original poster
whyisnothingsimple · 30/12/2025 13:49

Eyesopenwideawake · 30/12/2025 13:46

I would (contact her). Worth the possible slight embarrassment factor to put your mind at rest. If he isn't the next step is to ask the police to do a welfare check. How old is he?

He is 66

OP posts:
musicforthesoul · 30/12/2025 13:49

I'd contact her. Think its worth the potential embarrassment if going silent for a few days is out of character. After 17 months you know what's normal.

ArseSkinForAFriend · 30/12/2025 13:48

I don't understand how a quick text to check if he's there and ok is 'drama'.

If he is there and is ok and ignoring you, he'd be the dramatic one.

FionnulaTheCooler · 30/12/2025 13:47

I would be worried too, does he have any mental health issues? It's a bad time of the year for those with these struggles, I've seen a few posts on my local Facebook page this past week about a nearby bridge that's a notorious suicide spot being closed by police while they attempt to talk someone down. I would ask your mutual friend to check in on him and put your mind at rest.

Eyesopenwideawake · 30/12/2025 13:46

I would (contact her). Worth the possible slight embarrassment factor to put your mind at rest. If he isn't the next step is to ask the police to do a welfare check. How old is he?

youalright · 30/12/2025 13:46

I would message them just to check he's ok I don't think you are unreasonable to do that

WareColkar · 30/12/2025 13:45

I’d leave it a few more days OP but I voted YANBU