Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Worried about the man I’ve been seeing

207 replies

whyisnothingsimple · 30/12/2025 13:43

I’ve been seeing someone for 17 months - long distance a 2hr drive away. I mainly go to him as we do a hobby together where he lives. We see one another every 2 weeks or so. Recently he has not replied to messages for several days . We both live alone and, apart from this hobby, doesn’t do much else - I have family very near. He hasn’t replied to my message on Saturday - messaged today to ask if he is ok - not read so tried to phone - again no reply so left a voice message asking him to let me know he’s ok. He would normally do the hobby this afternoon - I know someone who also attends at the same time - would it be unreasonable to contact her to ask if he is there? He hates drama as do I but I’m getting really worried - it could be that he’s just ghosting me and don’t want to involve others if that is the case.

OP posts:
CremeCarmel · 30/12/2025 15:17

I would be worried but I would not contact the person who does the hobby as that might seem desperate. I would leave it a few more days.

ChristmasHug · 30/12/2025 15:16

Maybe he's lost his phone. It'd take a few days to have your number transferred to a new one.

I think I'd send a message saying you're worried about him and could he just give a thumbs up if he's busy so you know he's OK otherwise you're going to contact the police for a welfare check.

Ohnobackagain · 30/12/2025 15:15

Blimey @whyisnothingsimple all he had to do was reply. Anyone should realise you might worry. Sounds like it’s always you making the effort, too.

IleSolitude · 30/12/2025 15:14

It sounds like you already had your doubts about the relationship, OP, and now he's saved you the trouble of having an awkward conversation. Also sounds like you're well rid of him; I think that anyone who doesn't reply to a (reasonable!) request to confirm they're ok is very thoughtless. And if he's really ghosted you, that's even worse (but again, you're well rid). I wouldn't be contacting him again - I wouldn't block him either, though, because I wouldn't want to give him the satisfaction of a reaction.

Onwards and upwards!

MrsDoubtingMyself · 30/12/2025 15:07

whyisnothingsimple · 30/12/2025 15:04

Seems that way - we’re in our 60s for gods sake - you’d think at our age we could be honest

Show quote history

Totally agree with you. Thankfully you've discovered who he is relatively early on

Original poster
whyisnothingsimple · 30/12/2025 15:07

Thank you all - you kept me busy whilst waiting to find out if he was ok - I will let you know what happens after this

OP posts:
Original poster
whyisnothingsimple · 30/12/2025 15:04

MrsDoubtingMyself · 30/12/2025 14:57

Gosh. So he ghosted you Confused

Show quote history

Seems that way - we’re in our 60s for gods sake - you’d think at our age we could be honest

OP posts:
Original poster
whyisnothingsimple · 30/12/2025 15:01

PebbleDashAtOne · 30/12/2025 14:58

What a twat. Thank goodness for the friend’s response.

Oddly that’s what his ex called him - yes will be interesting to see what friend says

OP posts:
EstherGreenwood63 · 30/12/2025 15:01

Ghost him right back OP. Never communicate with him in any way ever again. Guarantee he won't like that. 💐

PebbleDashAtOne · 30/12/2025 14:58

What a twat. Thank goodness for the friend’s response.

MrsDoubtingMyself · 30/12/2025 14:57

whyisnothingsimple · 30/12/2025 14:56

Update - he’s at the hobby with friend now - he’s alive thank goodness - will need to think hard about all this - friend says she’ll contact me later when home

Gosh. So he ghosted you Confused

Original poster
whyisnothingsimple · 30/12/2025 14:56

Update - he’s at the hobby with friend now - he’s alive thank goodness - will need to think hard about all this - friend says she’ll contact me later when home

OP posts:
Original poster
whyisnothingsimple · 30/12/2025 14:53

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

I live near my family - he lives 2 hours away and has no family near him - my family check in on me regularly - in fact we share our location - as my son says I’m getting old and he’s checking on his inheritance! !

OP posts:
OneRealMoose · 30/12/2025 14:47

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
whyisnothingsimple · 30/12/2025 14:46

Grammarninja · 30/12/2025 14:43

Can you let us know if he's okay, Op? Am worried about him too now.

I will - sent message to friend 20 minutes ago

OP posts:
Original poster
whyisnothingsimple · 30/12/2025 14:45

Outside9 · 30/12/2025 14:43

Probably said already, but are you 100% he hasn't already got a partner, family etc

Absolutely not - I stay with him for several days whenever I visit - very single

OP posts:
Augustus40 · 30/12/2025 14:45

Hope you get a response soon.

Grammarninja · 30/12/2025 14:43

Can you let us know if he's okay, Op? Am worried about him too now.

Outside9 · 30/12/2025 14:43

Probably said already, but are you 100% he hasn't already got a partner, family etc

Original poster
whyisnothingsimple · 30/12/2025 14:42

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 30/12/2025 14:34

I was going to say he is dating someone but a 66 year old man, Id be worried too.

Show quote history

I’m 68 and have been single for 11 years but dating during that time - trust me - it makes no difference - men can behave badly no matter how old they are!

OP posts:
Tillow4ever · 30/12/2025 14:36

I think you’ve made the right decision. I’d like to hope someone you’ve been in a relationship with for a year and a half wouldn’t suddenly ghost you, especially not at his age! But the alternative could mean he’s hurt which isn’t a nice thought either.

I am sure the friend will be discreet - and if it turns out he’s not there, you’ll know it was the right thing to do.

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 30/12/2025 14:34

whyisnothingsimple · 30/12/2025 14:30

Yes it probably has for me truthfully

Show quote history

I was going to say he is dating someone but a 66 year old man, Id be worried too.

Original poster
whyisnothingsimple · 30/12/2025 14:30

OchreRaven · 30/12/2025 14:26

You shouldn’t be embarrassed. Either he’s ghosting you after 17 months in which case he should be embarrassed or he is hurt and you are a decent person who cares. Hope he’s ok and there is a decent explanation. Although it sounds like this relationship may have run its course for you anyway.

Yes it probably has for me truthfully

OP posts:
OchreRaven · 30/12/2025 14:26

You shouldn’t be embarrassed. Either he’s ghosting you after 17 months in which case he should be embarrassed or he is hurt and you are a decent person who cares. Hope he’s ok and there is a decent explanation. Although it sounds like this relationship may have run its course for you anyway.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 30/12/2025 14:22

Definitely check with friend. Chances are he’s fine in which case you might both be embarrassed. But if he’s not the consequences of ignoring it are much worse