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AIBU?

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Original poster

Nosey elderly parents is embarrassing

114 replies

ByUniqueViper · 30/12/2025 11:42

My 81 year old mum who is of good health and mind has always enjoyed 'people watching' in public places. But she is now becoming obsessed with it.
She looks people up and down, follows them with her eyes as they approach and then walk past her, and even says things like 'you see her over there with the ponytail' and points to them.
Weve just been on holiday and she watches everyone constantly and makes comments to us such as 'she has worn those clothes all day and evening', 'that man put 6 towels on a sunbed 45 minutes ago', 'they're the people who were really drunk last night'.
Lots of people probably notice the same but keep their thoughts to themselves. But she is just so nosey and vocal with it. Its becoming embarrassing.
We have tried ignoring her comments, saying 'oh' as if we have little interest, my husband has make jokey comments about not hearing him as she is so fixated on looking at someone and ive previously really put her in her place when she has said 'she's a big girl.
AIBU to expect her to behave more appropriately or should I accept this is what happens when people get old and have little else to think about?
What else do we do as we're finding her behaviour uncomfortable and annoying?

OP posts:
Lardychops · 30/12/2025 22:50

A women’s weight
Skin colour
nose size
long hair over 36

Commenting on all the above loudly, was my nans favourite pastime
lived for it.

Newmeagain · 30/12/2025 22:44

QPZM · 30/12/2025 12:05

It's called people watching and plenty of people of all ages do it, especially on holiday when there's little else to do while you're sitting down.

Not sure it's really an age thing to be fair.

Yes, I agree. I am prone to doing that, and always have been.

SparkyBlue · 30/12/2025 22:42

OP you just described my mum. My 13 year old DD keeps saying she is shocked no one has turned around and reacted badly to her yet. My nerves do be at me when I’m out and about with her

fatphalange · 30/12/2025 22:34

I suspect she’ll learn one day when someone doesn’t take too kindly to being stared at and looked up and down and matches her rudeness and then some. And I’m sure she’ll be most outraged…will give her something to talk about though 😂

TangerinePlate · 30/12/2025 22:27

ExMIL. No dementia at all as she displayed the behaviour long time ago.
I snapped at her once. She just didn’t care she was being rude and embarrassing.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 30/12/2025 22:04

I've found my people on this thread. My mum does this too. Going to the local carvery I'm on edge thinking she'll get us banned one day. The part I find most frustrating is people like her are most likely judging me - kids with different dads, tattoos etc. But she won't accept that or change her ways.

Very1 · 30/12/2025 22:03

bumptybum · 30/12/2025 21:24

What does she say if you point out to her that the person is smaller than she is

Show quote history

It’s really odd, she’ll just pretend I didn’t say anything. Or if I say ‘well they are about the same size as me (18/20) thanks Mum!’. She just looks surprised, and then carries on even louder. She’s always had a superiority complex but was more subtle about it. Now she doesn’t give a shit.

superchick · 30/12/2025 21:41

My mum doesnt do this exactly but she has just completely stopped giving a shit about social conventions. She doesnt bother to wear her hearing aids because she doesn't care that she's bellowing at people or that she misunderstands large portions of every interaction. She walks out in front of traffic, expecting all vehicles to just stop for her. She talks complete shit to strangers in shops and cafes to the point where they are clearly uncomfortable. She doesn't make allowances for other people's needs at all and if we're out for a walk or something she just marches on ahead not caring what others might be doing. Its exhausting. If you raise anything with her she just shrugs and says she doesnt care. We were in the theatre recently and she was talking to me in a loud "outdoor" voice and wouldn't be shushed. She NEVER would have done any of these things a few years ago.

I know its all possible signs of dementia but she's very aware that she's doing it and knows that she's making us embarrassed and other people uncomfortable but genuinely doesnt give a shit. She sees it as a type of freedom that she's earned by getting old.

bumptybum · 30/12/2025 21:24

Very1 · 30/12/2025 20:16

I understand entirely, it’s mortifying. My Mum is 75 and feels the need to comment loudly about anyone over a size 10. God help anyone who maybe on a mobility scooter, as they in her head are obviously lazy and fat and she will happily say it loudly enough for them to hear. I wouldn’t mind but she’s not even thin, she’s a size 20! I know some of it is cognitive decline but it’s so fucking rude, and she can be perfectly polite when she wants, so some of this is just her being obnoxious. I just bluntly tell her to be quiet now.

Edited

What does she say if you point out to her that the person is smaller than she is

bumptybum · 30/12/2025 21:23

QPZM · 30/12/2025 12:05

It's called people watching and plenty of people of all ages do it, especially on holiday when there's little else to do while you're sitting down.

Not sure it's really an age thing to be fair.

No. There is people watching and then there is a constant running commentary. That second thing seems to increase as people get older. I think it is some sort of mild cognitive decline where the filter part of the brain is affected

Blackalice · 30/12/2025 21:20

It sounds very much like the beginning of dementia, from both professional and personal experience.

RoamingToaster · 30/12/2025 21:13

My dad’s terrible for this. He’s also got a naturally loud voice so I imagine lots hear him. I hate going out to restaurants with him. As well as commenting on people, I’ve never known him to like a meal and he’ll moan loudly about it. So cringe.

Moll2020 · 30/12/2025 20:45

Are our mothers long lost sisters?!! I thought it was only my mum who behaved like this!!

DottyLottieLou · 30/12/2025 20:20

Something to do with the frontal lobe as they get older. The filter goes. Could be an early sign of dementia.

Imisscoffee2021 · 30/12/2025 20:17

My 70 yr old mum is the same and has been for aaaages. I've always said that generation is one very ready to share their opinions.

Very1 · 30/12/2025 20:16

I understand entirely, it’s mortifying. My Mum is 75 and feels the need to comment loudly about anyone over a size 10. God help anyone who maybe on a mobility scooter, as they in her head are obviously lazy and fat and she will happily say it loudly enough for them to hear. I wouldn’t mind but she’s not even thin, she’s a size 20! I know some of it is cognitive decline but it’s so fucking rude, and she can be perfectly polite when she wants, so some of this is just her being obnoxious. I just bluntly tell her to be quiet now.

Roselily123 · 30/12/2025 19:53

thepariscrimefiles · 30/12/2025 11:51

Tell her that she is being rude and judgemental and that someone might overhear her and take massive offence and confront her.

Alternatively, don't go on holiday with her.

THIS
I had 3 grandparents who lived longer than this , and None of them acted like that. It’s rude and obnoxious.
Incidentally I know a ‘lady’ in her 90’s who is rude and judgmental - ALWAYS been the same - and can’t for the life of her wonders why she barely had any friends , her dd hates her and her other dd went Nc 20 years ago…….🙄

youalright · 30/12/2025 19:52

Yeah old people do this and the more deaf they become the louder they become 🤣🤣

Sweetnessandbite · 30/12/2025 19:47

My Mum started doing this slightly before she was diagnosed with a neurological condition. It can be a sign of dementia and other age related neuro conditions as some other posters have said. As we age our brains cells deteriorate and those with a neuro condition would have this accelerated.

Newbie8918 · 30/12/2025 19:45

Tinsles · 30/12/2025 12:04

Your mother sounds genuinely ghastly and there is no way I would be out in public, much less holidaying with her.
Absolutely ghastly.
I really don't think it is her age.
I bet she was always like this but now has just abandoned any smidgen of manners.
I really couldn't be around that at all.

Edited

She’s 81! Agreed, it’s not ideal but your tolerance levels are ‘ghastly’! Bloody hell. I’d be explaining that she’s being rude but I’d not be cutting all contact because she’s elderly and inappropriate!

YesItsMe44 · 30/12/2025 19:36

If you've got older parents/relatives many people understand. I'll randomly reply, when I hear a "comment," with "Oy you're too kind." They either are taken aback (not like lt), reply in humor, ignore, or are incensed by your reply.

BlueFinch77 · 30/12/2025 19:12

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Lilyhatesjaz · 30/12/2025 19:00

My mum never used to do this until a few years before she got dementia.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 30/12/2025 18:51

Sometimes I think it's hearing problems. My friend (72) makes comments much more loudly than she needs to - they don't tend to be anything too dreadful but something that might be better mused over sotto voce. She, however, is losing quite a bit of hearing, and I think she doesn't realise how loud she is.

Fingalscave · 30/12/2025 18:50

I think some people, as they age, just stop caring what other people think.
My mum wasn't like that until she got to about mid 60s, then she used to be really embarrassing. If there was an ambulance stopped with it's doors open, she would stand staring with her mouth open until she could fathom what was happening. I used to walk away as I thought it was an awful thing to do.
She would make comments in a loud voice, such as She's nearly wearing that skirt (about a short skirt).
I'm almost the same age now and I keep my opinions to myself when out and make my nosey observations unobtrusive!