Nosey elderly parents is embarrassing

It’s funny reading this thread, people talking as though they will always have a young brain and never ever have aging brain symptoms.

I got a bit spooked when folks said it was the beginning of dementia. But like you I remember my mum doing this for years.

i have an awfully members of my mum tutting loudly at a pregnant woman who was displaying her belly. She said loudly - she thinks that looks nice but it doesn’t: I was horrified. My mum was probably in her late forties at the time.

I appreciate people suggesting beginnings of dementia here but in my case my elderly mother has always been this way. Rude about anyone who did not conform to her social expectations. A sibling came to a point several years ago that she needed a ‘diagnosis’ and then medication. Paid for a private referral and as I and my sis anticipated clean bill of health.

We cannot just decide people with poor behaviours that we suddenly find difficult to deal with all have dementia.

I agree, but nobody ever says anything.

We are low contact due to this behaviour.

My dad got like this sadly it was the early warning signs of dementia. Please get your mum checked over

This is probably dementia because they loose their inhibitions. My Grandad would loudly talk about the size of people constantly.

@Biggles27 started what? Why the small i?

My Grsndmother started this in her 80’s (Dads side). My Mum now does this - she’s in her 80’s

i know several friends parents like it of a similar age

i think it’s common as people age

I’m shocked that none of these nasty ‘observations’ haven’t earned a few ‘go eff yourself!’ retorts. Round here they certainly would but then again I don’t live in some quaint village. Some posters need to warn their parents that one day they might come up against some well-deserved but severe verbal abuse which could be very upsetting for them.

I agree. My late DM was like this from when she was in her late 70s. I frequently had to ask her to keep her voice down (she was rather deaf and didn't realise how loudly she was talking) when she said things like 'That woman looks like she's got a birds nest on her head' or 'Look at the size of her!'.

I wouldn’t hush her, but I would not answer her either, the less attention or defending will probably calm her down.

I'm saying EXACTLY what I said in my post.

Yes, it's yet another chapter in the MN "Why I hate old people" book.

This. I feel that some people reach retirement age and regress back to being children again with no responsibilities or consequences. It is not directly due to age, it is due to lack of consequences, the fact they are near the end of their life so why care, and the cloak of entitlement known as "awww bless him/her he/she's old".

She would care if she got a slap every time she was rude.

We live in a world where consequences have become disconnected from actions, so the morally dead can do what they like without comeback.

Agree with you @Politicians247UnderwearExtinguishingService . If you head over to the Elderly Parents thread there is a group of us keeping each other sane in the wake of EPs who have done little to help themselves and think because they are old in years they know better than anyone else.

In my mother’s case she ‘just tells it like it is’. No Mum you are being rude and obnoxious. But then she always has been.

DP's grandmother died from Alzheimers.

About 5 years before she died, she was still living more or less independently in sheltered housing and I went to the first family Christmas since I'd been with DP.

The 'worst' thing she said was calling me by DP's ex-wife's name. They'd been divorced for about ten years at that point. I'd expected it, DP and his Mum had been really worried about it happening, but I really didn't care - tbh, I was expecting to be informed I was fat, had a funny face or something far more personal than just not remembering my name when she'd never met me before.

What made me laugh though, was when DP's Mum corrected her and said 'Mum, that's not her name, it's Mooncup', GM said 'Oh, I don't know why I called her that, she's not 'Bertha', I knew somebody called Bertha once. She was a really horrible woman, picking on my Lizzie's little boy (MIL and DP) with a face on her like a slapped octopus. But she (pointing to me) isn't anything like that Bertha, she's nice'. 😂

I think that like others have said, it's the veneer that breaks down.

My mum is the same. We often walk over a hill and often sit down for a little while. She asks me if I think a little boy and another one are twins, is this woman the wife or the sister of that man, have I seen his hat, what do I think of this woman's hair style etc etc..its endless.

Part of it for my mum is probably dementia. HAve you considered this for your mum ( no offence of course ). I just don't know what you could do about it. my mum won't change now.

Best wishes.

So are you saying that all old people suffer from mental decline and never have any agency as to how they speak and behave?

I know plenty of elderly folk who are charming, kind, pleasant people and a joy to spend time with. Is this another of those scenarios where the people with nightmare MILs post about them, whilst all of those of us with lovely MILs don't tend to start threads about them; and people who insist on lumping together all people who happen to share one characteristic thus take offence on behalf of ALL people in that big, wide group?

I have read above. I realise that it's often caused by mental decline, but also it often isn't. I have great sympathy for the former, but not for the latter.

No , it’s called being rude and nosy and unfortunately not really having a life of your own, so commenting on other people’s. It always makes me cringe when people on Place in the Sun say they like “ People watching “ . These are the ones whose eyes you can feel boring into you from cafes , bars and buses as you go about your business. Usually people who haven’t got much to say to their partners anymore, or those who are on their own.

speaking as an older person, I think the issue here is around conversation and having something to contribute and say. as you get older you do less stuff. so you resort to retelling old anecdotes endlessly and for some, they watch people so they have something to talk about. its a fear thing. you worry that you wont have any conversation starters or anything to say so you look at someone else and think oohh what could I say about them that would start a conversation with my friend/family member.

you become hard of hearing so speak too loudly.

all of you commenting on here, how many of you are the other side of 70 or 80?

Many years ago my mother stood in a very busy banking hall and advised me loudly that all of the staff were (rhymes with bankers)! Her recent fixation is on individuals skin colour. I’ve told her she can’t and mustn’t say these things as they’ll get her into trouble but she’s a “you can’t say anything these days” person and gets the hump. She will also comment on how somebody has let themselves go in her view. She’s 91 and always very smart with full make up etc but can be very judgemental about others. I’m not sure that is is entirely age related. For anyone that doesn’t know her they all think she’s a very sweet old lady.

Of course it isn't terrible. OP's mum sounds utterly dreadful and one day someone will take massive offence and say something horrible back to her.

Mine is like that but has always been a judgemental bitch. I suspect the only reason nobody ever punched her lights out is because she is teeny tiny and frail looking.

She deliberately says unkind things about people knowing they will hear. Always has. I’m NC.