To be confused by the two working parent set up

But being a village, to me, isn't about over ruling another parent,

what? i specifically painted a picture of a scenario where some person's kid is beating on yours, and doing nothing about it. And time after time after time on here it is all either "some woman spoke sharply to my child, what a witch" or "my kid was bleeding and i asked the other child to go away, and their parent squared up to me shouting not to talk to their child"

Until people in the UK can wrap their heads round that, they can sing for their village. Over the last, say, 30 years, they have lost the ability to do it.

In fact that highlighted comment says it all: "over ruling another parent". Parent of a violent feral little sod. That parent? For sure they need over ruling. Often and loudly.

I think you might be right, there is a lot more ‘available’ to do to entertain children and as we see other people doing it we do too. I’m going to try let the kids have more free play time at home in 2026 whilst I get on with stuff

Its just a different time and we expect more of ourselves and for our money to pay for things that weren't even an option 40-50 years ago.

This is understandable and true if you have the money. Previously those with limited money accepted they would have to do without or increase their income stream. Now they expect the same standard of living as those who earn more.

I'd like to say yes, but that very much depends on your child. DS got easier and easier the older he got. DD is just as full on and needy as she was in toddlerhood and she's 8.

I feel like back in the day children were just a part of life. Now children are the life. There is a huge division between children and peole with kids. World is hostile towards children and towards the childfree. Society blocks parents from using common sense. Kids are no longer allowed to do anything independently and family has become so sacret that social rules have changed to the point where nobody has any idea what is normal.

My mom worked, my grandparents worked, my great grandparents worked. As did all their sisters. I think my grandmothers were home until the children were in school (late 50's). Greatgrandmother, out to the fields as soon as they were able to and great grandpa was a semi-pro athlete and firefighter and a farmer. So never home (we found his competition schedule from when grandma was born. Wouldn't go down this day and age).

If course more women were home in the past. But we just had this conversation with our group of friends and we were wondering who were all these sahp that are being romanticised cause it was not our parent, grandparents or greatgrandparents.

Oh I was also a single parent from my youngest was 2. I had three kids. I also have chronic health conditions and I’m disabled. I also have adhd.

it wasn’t fun but we did a lot of free stuff, took picnics and didn’t eat out or have a take away ever.

cooked meals from scratch - doubled up and froze them with the occasional frozen beige dinner or pizza.

Kids had to sort themselves and get out to school from secondary age and get home and start homework or whatever until I got home just after 5.

I was cooking the dinner in the evening from 11 and doing all the family washing and ironing.

How old is your mum? Because I was certainly working when my now adult children were growing up. I couldn’t call on neighbours. My mum helped in holidays but there was no one else. I had to do all the things you say are extra work like housework, shopping, admin etc on my own because I was a single parent. I know you have a chronic condition but I don’t think your life isn’t as hard as you think it is.

My parents did quite a lot of things with me on weekends. Be it just walks or cycling trips but they were interesting for me or a trip to a zoo,castle, taking me swimming, driving me to a friend's house.

We played plenty of board games in bad weather.

Sure, it was also expected that I entertain myself and my parents did their things, especially in Spring-Autumn as my dad loved gardening.

I grew up in the 1980s I was born in late 1979. From age 7 both parents worked in career focused jobs. It was difficult - my father started his when I was 3 and mother at 8. The both went to university and then got jobs. So mum was around for the baby years and then at university when I was little. Two people trying to establish careers and two smallish children. I remember it being a stressful time!

i remember the dinner ladies at school commenting that “your are the one with both parents who work” as if I was a museum specimen. It was a very working g clsss area (rough)

I struggled to breast feed my first born in the late 70s and became quite stressed. Our sensible family doctor said 'Put them on a bottle immediately, what good is a stressed-out mother to her baby!'.

I’ve got grandchildren.

I worked. And I got 18 weeks maternity leave and had to go back at that point.

my mother worked.

my grandmother worked.

none of us worked part time as those options weren’t available - my mum and me worked in education and my granny worked as a domestic in a hospital.

My daughter in law is a SAHM. And got a year maternity leave with her first (and decided not to return).

Thank you for this, this thread had started to gaslight me. My city has gone from having 2 nurseries in 1982 to 38 this year. The only reason for this must be women working. Growing up I didn’t know anyone with a working mum and I was very unusual as my grandparents provided care whilst mum worked.

I'm nearly 50 and both my parents worked out of the house in FT jobs. My mum had a few years off when we were very little because mat leave wasn't as generous but by the time we were both in primary school she was teaching in the local secondary school FT. Obviously she had school holidays off so childcare was a term-time headache only.

I think the difference was that the expectations on parents and families was less. We didn't do many clubs or activities because they didn't really exist, we didn't go on expensive day trips or weekend breaks throughout the year. We didn't eat out much - it was usually sandwiches and squash in the car at the beach. I spent my school holidays reading library books and riding my hand me down bike. My parents didn't have loads of cleaning, tidying or life admin to keep them busy when they weren't at work.

Its just a different time and we expect more of ourselves and for our money to pay for things that weren't even an option 40-50 years ago.

I would have happily been a housewife. I enjoy being home and doing home stuff. However I ended up a single parent so the pressure was on me to work, keep the house running and do everything for the children. Thankfully I had some help from my mum and brother.

I’m now approaching 50 and in a low income job that won’t really support me when my UC stops for my youngest in a year or so. I’m very much ready to retire at this point but got another 17 years thanks to them raising the retirement age. I’m more than ready for time for me.

I grew up in 60s. Both parents worked fulltime. Things were difficult for parents in a different way. Women were held to a much higher standard of house keeping and personal grooming. Technology hadn’t delivered so many devices to make cooking etc easier. Everything cooked from scratch, no freezers.Not everyone had cars. Transport not as good. Homes didn’t have telephones or central heating and there were 3 TV channels.

Rather a sweeping generalisation there and not at all my own experience
You have been on MN long enough 😁

Rather a sweeping generalisation there and not at all my own experience.

I don’t know how we’ve got to what I’ve experience with my children today which is so much of our lives and weekends being child led?!

@Startrekobsessed I wonder if apart from the fear of stranger danger it’s partly capitalism that has pushed this. Children playing in front of their neighbours houses and running back for meals costs nothing (extra).

Kids having to go to some event or other usually has a fee attached. Not to mention said the parents are hovering around they may end up going out for lunch or dinner.

Ok.i am not particularly smug. Just realistic about the sacrifices I made. I am privileged to have e had an excellent education and healthy children. I have chosen to be prioritise my family over material gain. Lots of people are privileged,it doesn't mean we are wrong or morally lacking. It is not necessarily an insult.

Well, i didn't feel neglected either but we did all those things. I was a babysitter since i was 13 to all kinds of younger kids. No mobile phones, just blind trust. I was sent to relatives for weeks during summer holidays where we did what we wanted all day long. Safe countryside, but still. Mum called once a week to check on me. Early 90s..

I agree with you that parenting now requires a lot more input but I’m not really sure why!

my parents were nothing like you have outlined in terms of neglectful or abusive parenting (and for that I am really grateful). But our weekends were filled with siblings playing together or doing the Big Shop or following Mum around the shopping centre. Holidays we stayed at the beach all day (caravan holidays) and made friends and played with them. They always knew where we were we weren’t allowed off by ourselves until teenagers. Actual playing interaction with parents was fairly minimal, they were busy doing housework, work for their jobs (marking as teachers) or relaxing themselves on holiday. I had a wonderful childhood. I don’t know how we’ve got to what I’ve experience with my children today which is so much of our lives and weekends being child led?!

There's a bit of rose tinted glasses going on here about the past and to be frank with 50% marriages ending up in divorce why on earth would anyone rely on a one working parent set-up, I'm a single parent now but even when I wasn't I never relied on my ex or my parents.