To be confused by the two working parent set up

The window of time in which it was common for working class women to not work was extremely brief in the context of mankind.

Women have always worked! In the past women were in service, in agriculture, they were bakers, cleaners, seamstresses, brewers.

What has really changed is how much effort/attention we expect children to be given, and the segregation between home & the workplace.

In the past women often had children with them while working - babies strapped on backs while in the field etc, or fitted work like spinning or weaving around family life.

Children were also "let loose" at younger ages. 3 or 4 year olds out and about minded by older kids, none with anything like the helicopter parenting we have today. Older children were starting to learn trades from 12 and childhood was short.

Also - even my grandmother worked part time in a shop and she had far fewer labour saving inventions:

• no fridge or freezer, so shopped more often as food didn't keep
• no huge supermarkets delivering food, she went to the butcher, fishmonger, grocer, greengrocer, all separate.
• fewer affordable ready made clothes so she made a lot of clothes for herself & kids.
• no good vacuum cleaner (and certainly no robot hoover!)
• clothes washing & drying took far more time
• no convenient appliances like microwaves, air fryers etc

That said, you didnt need to go to the gym to stay slim because you walked everywhere and did more physical work.

I think social media often gives us the impression we are supposed to have vast amounts of leisure time spent on beauty regimes, extensive exercise, holidaying, socialising. I don't think this has been the case for most (apart from a very tiny wealthy minority) for most of mankind's history.

Really? I was alive in the 70s and 80s too - as I said in my post - and my childhood bore no relation to today at all.
Eating out has massively expanded compared to then, when it really only existed in restaurants and cafes. My grandmother had a pub until 1976 and was considered ahead of her time because she offered sandwiches!
Takeaways were unusual too -McD's didn't come to the UK until 1974 and it was definately the 80s before it expanded to my city.
Beyond swimming and Brownies, activities weren't a thing either - i remember my friend going to gymnastics and ballet too but I remember her mum had to really track them down and had to drive her to the next town (she was the only one in my group whose mother could drive AND had her own car. Her family was pretty wealthy compared to the rest of us). 'Incidental' activities such as soft play, farms, role-playing cafes etc were only really beginning to be a thing when I had my first child in 1993.
Even my wealthier friend's family holidayed in the UK and her mum made all her clothes. Foreign travel did exist of course, but it wasn't normalised the xray it is now.
If you honestly think your 70s childhood was the same as a 2020s childhood you must either know no young families or the ones you do know are unusual.
Or you must have been brought up in a region massively ahead of its time!

I was actually alive in the 70s/80s so know what it was like in my family/ community at least and the standard of living wasn't that different to now in my experience.

Maybe my parents were ahead of their time or had a bit more money than average, but I'm posting from experience not conjecture.

What age were you when you bought your first house? In the UK, house prices crashed / slumped by 37% between 1989 - 1995.

Try being a single parent. And my mum also went out to work as well.

I didn't feel like I needed to work out, no car, dashing for the bus to work after taking kids to nursery or school, carrying the weekly shop home, no washing machine with first two so hand washing, helping to run beavers and cubs. Life was a workout.

Never thought about massages, back in the 70s I don't think I knew anyone who had massages. I dont know how I had the energy. Managed a part-time degree amidst that lot. I honestly dont know how.

That's strange. When I was on maternity leave in 2007/2008 most of the mums I met went back part-time.

When DD started primary school in another part of our town most of the mums were SAHMs and were constantly out for playdates, coffees, meeting in the playground.

I actually felt a lot more lonely then. During nursery times I had a big group of other p/t mums to meet for playdates at weekends or if our days off were the same.

About teens needing you: I found that school involvment decreased. Maybe the odd play or a concert if your child is musical and one parent evening per year. But emotionally they are a lot less stable. DD needed plenty of parental support to navigate teen-angst and friendship issues.

I'm a similar age to your Mum. I did have a job, but I didn't know anyone else who did. Older women were quite happy to tell me I should be at home with my children.

I worked full-time with four kids, when the youngest was a baby DH became disabled so I was his carer as well. Still managed to wash my hair most mornings.

You’re not wrong OP. We found it incredibly challenging to have neither of us focused on the children or house (cooking, cleaning, admin). It was stressful. It’s smoother since he earns and I am sahm (to 3 small children).

when I was a working parent to 1 DC, I would finish meetings at 5:30, be last parent to collect from nursery at 6:10 (closed at 6). Rushed home found all the food was out of date in the fridge, beans on toast, bath and toddler to bed. Barely saw them and felt like I was on the verge of collapse

It's interesting that you say that, as it hasn't been my experience.

My mother gave up work when she had her first child at the age of 28. She never had another paid job for the rest of her life.

I gave up work when I had my first baby in my early 20s. I didn't work outside the home for the next six years. After that I worked part-time in the evenings, after DH got home from work so he could take over with the children. I had various other part-time jobs over the following 15 years, and finally returned to full-time work when my youngest child left home for university.

When my children were young, there were other children living nearby and their mums didn't work either. We did help each other out from time to time with babysitting, play dates etc.
There was very little childcare provision available. There were a few childminders but very few had vacancies. There was a private nursery school, but that was only for children over the age of 3 and only for 6 hours a day during term-time (and very expensive). There were a couple of playgroups, for children aged 2.5 up to school age, but we mothers had to work there on a rotor basis as volunteers. There was a toddler group, for babies aged 9 months up to 2.5 years, which was held one afternoon a week but mothers had to attend with their children.

Almost all of the mums that I knew in the late 1970s and early 1980s didn't consider going back to work until their youngest child started junior school. It just wasn't possible before then because of the lack of available childcare. Many children were looked after by older siblings until mum got home from work.

Generally the traffic would have been lower but not for me as I lived on a very busy road so I walked with heavier traffic than my kids did in the 90s just because of where we lived. Some local 11 year olds who lived nearby would walk me to school when I was 4 or 5. My mother would give them some money for the sweet shop on Fridays. I'm not sure if that was a plan or just sort of happened. After reception I would just be part of a pack of kids larking about on a busy road. Probably a miracle we survived.

My sibling was born the week I started school, I think my dad took me the first day but I don't really remember the details, just remember ferling very scared and alone.

It was my dad who did the lone walks in the post the PP was responding to. My first thought when he told me was that the level of traffic in the late 1940s would have been significantly lower too than present day.

Just as well, otherwise there would have been no me!

Maybe in the 1950s or some of the 60s, but the OP's mother is only in her 60s herself ! My generation. Trust me, house prices shot up when me and my peers were trying to buy. Those who had tried to buy on their own, took in lodgers to keep afloat. People needed two salaries to pay their way when we were young adults too.

Absolutely not ignoring the fact this is a difficult and exhausting time of life for young parents, but I AM disputing that this is a new thing for people with young children in 2025 (well 26 now).

I am in my early 50s and my mum worked part-time from when I was 6. She didn't care for having to ask my dad for money to buy a pair of tights.

If mums have their own money, dads can't be nearly as abusive or irresponsible.

Me too. I did notice dh and I were swaying a bit into permissive however, so had to steer it back again. I also reminded him of the best likely foundation to nurture the most successful adults.

Okay, I’ve done neither of these. Authoritative Parenting al the way for me!

I believe this all began when women fought for equality. Now my kids are older (17, 14) I’m so glad they did, but when my kids were in primary years I hated those women 😂.

Equality gave us females freedom to work in fields desired, rather than be housebound with kids. This led to more income for each couple, which led to couples being able to buy more expensive houses (as wages combined), which led to both adults having to work full time to keep up the repayments, then chuck the kids in. Nightmare!

Interesting thread. I was married until my kids were 5 & 7, jigged my career around picking them up etc. Now as a lone parent (with them a few years older) I still do this. I cook from scratch and take them outside a lot. No family, but a whole village of helpful mums nearby who I reciprocally help. The house is a bit of a tip, we have very basic stuff, kids share a room, no car, but are healthy and happy. I am a lecturer. The village who stepped in when I got divorced have been my salvation, really. That and leaning back a little on my career, turning it more into 'work'. I'm doing well, look young for my years and have a spring in my step. The kids are happy and healthy. I guess we live a kind of 80s standard life #geriatricmillennialrepresent

What I'm saying is I think the solution is prioritising the bits that matter to you and make you happy.

Sorry, edited to say: yes it is very, very hard.