To be confused by the two working parent set up

I don't know why you're being so aggressive, @Clockyclockz ! It's only a discussion 😄!
No, I'm not going to provide "statistics"!
😂

@SuziQuinto your reply to my post makes no sense?

Most mothers in the past didn’t work full time but feel free to provide statistics that they did? Also are you saying that the things I posted about a village are untrue?

But many did. And had to.
No "golden age" for most women.

50% of mothers worked outside the home in the mid 1970s, rising gradually over the intervening decades to just over 75% now.

I think your generational assumptions are a bit off, especially if you were born more recently than the 1970s.

I couldn’t echo this enough. OP I’ve been where you are now and felt like this whole thing is a trick. To balance a career, everything the children need, plus the house and look after yourself can feel like an endurance test where the person who pays the price is yourself as the mother. All I can say is as this previous poster put so well, take shortcuts where you can. Tea one night can just be beans on toast. If one week is busy at work and they don’t do their spellings, it’s not the end of the world. Try and see the positives, that unlike our mothers we have more financial freedom and stimulation through work. Think how much you are providing for your family and role modelling to them. If you can do these shifts, things do feel easier and it does get easier as they get older

I think as big a change is that it’s harder for kids to casually play out now. The roads are so much more dangerous and there are fewer kids to play with. It would make a huge difference to me if my kids had several friends locally whose doors they could easily knock on and play together. Instead I am often stuck doing the playing as no they don’t want to play for twelve hours on their own with no input.

Loads of things to consider:

1. The myth of mothers not working outside the home in the past is just that, a myth. Not all did to be sure, but many did. Any who weren’t rich and whose husbands left, for starters! Many working class women worked part time regardless, cleaning, taking in laundry etc. My grandma was born in the 1920s and her mum always worked full time. Granny married and was pt when the children were small, ft otherwise.
2. Leisure was a bit of a myth. My granny never stopped, when she was at home she was always cooking, cleaning, making or mending clothes, hauling water (no running water) or wood for the fire, or doing laundry by hand etc. No TV, just the radio on whilst she worked. She still had time for fun sometimes of course, but the expectations around leisure time or ‘me’ time just weren’t there.
3. ‘Parenting’ as done now wasn’t a thing. May women, my mum included, wouldn’t have had time to be arranging play dates, overseeing homework, taking children to clubs etc. Outside of school they were sent out to entertain themselves.
4. Geographical mobility. People moving to find work / better work has always happened, but has been much more common since more people started going away to university. It means more people not living near family, and not having that support network to tap into. I’m in London and hardly anyone has family here.
5. House prices and rents are so high that many families who would, a generation ago, have been able to afford to live on one or one and a half wages (eg a teacher) absolutely couldn’t today. So many of those professional jobs do not now afford the lifestyle they once would. It means people spend the time and money training, then have all of the extra stress and hours to work, but without the rewards, which include the money for the big house and help therein (cleaner, mothers help, one parent working less etc)
6. Much later retirement ages. If grandparents were mostly retiring at 60 (women) and 65 (men) - or earlier if they had been doing jobs that allowed it financially due to relatively high wages or an early occupational pension, they still had the time and energy to get involved as active grandparents. I won’t be able to retire before 70, and that’s only if my mortgage is paid off (see also house prices, above!). If my daughter has children whilst I am in my 60s I won’t be able to help much even if she’s living nearby, and by the time I can afford to retire I will be old and exhausted. So many women in my mum’s generation (she’s in her 70s) retired in their 50s and did voluntary work, visited their grown up children and helped with grandchildren etc, my generation not so much as we are all still on the never-ending work treadmill.
7. Further to all of the above, people are having children later. My granny was 50 when I was born. If my DD has her first child at the age I had her, I will be in my mid-70s when I become a grandparent! That’s a huge difference in terms of energy available, and just the sheer likelihood of being alive to help with grandchildren. I’m more likely to be heading into a care home than I am to be able to help wrangling toddlers at that point!

Crock of shit

This!
It's completely made up!
Women were in the workplace full-time everywhere- teachers, social workers, banks, shops of all sorts, secretarial and other admin roles, factories, nurseries etc etc etc.
They had to work, just like the majority of women today. No top up benefits for working women of any sort existed back then either! No assistance with nursery fees either. This is never mentioned on mumsnet!

Not as many did.

No. As we've said, Mums have always worked.

You only work 3 days?
Definitely make them 3 full days and have 4 off.

I think hybrid, remote working and flexible/condensed hours have made a huge difference but obviously these aren’t available to all parents.

It is relevant that you’re Indian, your parents/grandparents probably had a totally different culture where women were predominantly housewives. I think you’re likely romanticising the female household role from back then tbf, it’s not like traditional indian women had a lot of choice or freedom or respect!

for me, both of my parents worked. My mum was a high earner throughout with a high flying career, so to me work has always been a normal part of life and not something I want to relinquish.

You sound like you dislike your job, just leave it then? Find a new job that suits you more? Ultimately your employer can replace you, so if your heart isn’t in it, someone else may very well be happy in your role. No point stressing yourself out for a job you dislike trying to make a square peg fit into a round hole.

@Chrysanthemum5 its about wider statistics though. Everyone I knew worked p/t and not until their dc were properly in school but I obviously know some mothers outside my bubble worked full time….

When I was growing up every woman had a job outside the home. I really don't recognise this ideal of only one parent working or just wasn't the norm for anyone I knew

Most of my friends' mums didn't work when we pre school. But they all edged back in in ways- bit of hairdressing; clothing repair; shop; bar work. The difference was mainly that they lacked choices and a career to go back to, so they had to do whatever was on offer around childcare and housework, whilst the men got to go to work and come home again. By the time I was 12, both parents were ft.

My grandmother worked through 7 kids. Her mil and then the older girls did the childcare.

Mine are teens now and have been trained to help around the house. I'd say it was tough for 10 years, but that's not actually a huge amount of time in an entire life. I'm glad I got to have and keep a career and a dh who respects that rather than live my mum's life.

A

Most of my friends' mums didn't work when we pre school. But they all edged back in in ways- bit of hairdressing; clothing repair; shop; bar work. The difference was mainly that they lacked choices and a career to go back to, so they had to do whatever was on offer around childcare and housework, whilst the men got to go to work and come home again. By the time I was 12, both parents were ft.

My grandmother worked through 7 kids. Her mil and then the older girls did the childcare.

Mine are teens now and have been trained to help around the house. I'd say it was tough for 10 years, but that's not actually a huge amount of time in an entire life. I'm glad I got to have and keep a career and a dh who respects that rather than live my mum's life.

Housing is having a huge impact on families disposable income again costs are higher va the past.

Is it any wonder birth rates are so low?

@RitaFires exactly, society expects dc to be supervised at all times & there is so much more judgement. This was not the case in the past.