To be confused by the two working parent set up

'Golden age for women'? What golden age for women??? It really wasn't!
Social mores and values meant women often stayed in unhappy and often abusive relationships; They were severely judged and suffered poverty conditions if they did leave their marriages; men often just stopped seeing their children altogether, and also didn't pay any maintenance at all; women weren't encouraged to go to university/ further education so were stuck in low paid work, often 'cash in hand' like domestic cleaning, delivering leaflets etc; sexism and misogyny was rife; the equal pay act didn't even come in til 1975, and even when it did, wasn't adhered to...
Honestly, I could go on and on, but suffice to say there was no 'Golden Age' for women in the last century.

I think fragmentation of society meant that was never going to happen. Long gone are the days where you could work and shop within walking distance of home. With centralisation, retail revolution, phone/email customer service, etc., jobs and shops are now much further away from where people live, hence long commutes, cars needed in lots of places to do the simplest of things, etc. Add in the drive for 50% to go to Uni which meant that 18year olds now tend to move to different cities for 3 years and then often never return to their home towns, mean the "extended" family simply doesn't exist anymore for lots of people. Organisations re-organising and shutting down means people have had to relocate for work, again, leaving what little "extended family" they had behind.

Even with my son, not a single child from his secondary school lived in the same village as us, so he literally had no one to "walk" to play with or socialise with in his school year group. Everything he wanted to do involved us driving him there/back to his school friends' houses. That just put added workload onto us to ferry him around. (It's not even a small village - 7,000 inhabitants, more of a small town!).

Different stages bring different stresses. I had to go pt due to kids needs. We won't have amazing pensions or large house but have had relatively less stress than friends who work ft.

However as kids get older (teens) my work friends full time working is paying off. Bigger pension, more avaliable money, being able to retire earlier. So swings and round abouts

Its a hard life not being eligible for dla when you have an invisible illness like cfs... people just don't understand what its like ... until its them.

My mum was working in the civil service when she got pregnant and was made to leave! As a married woman, then pregnant, she wasn't allowed to work there. This wasn't that long ago either, she's only early 60s.

Personally if I could jettison something off it would be the housework, not my job! I wouldn't want to be a sahm myself. Although I do look forward to retiring!!!

Fifty percent of mothers worked in the 1970s

seventy five percent of mothers work now.

that’s not what has driven the housing boom.

there are a lot of other factors.

my own parents couldn’t afford to buy a house where they grew up and had to move north and both work in order to get a mortgage and that was in 1977.

since then there has been right to buy, very little building, significant immigration and smaller households.

helpful to include that in the OP?

Yes despite other posters claiming 95% of mothers worked f/t in the past 😆

Different generations had different lives.

My grandma didn't work so she could babysit my cousin if needed, hardly any female worked when married unless it was a family business.

I do have photos of me in a playpen because my mum cooked/did laundry/cleaned and I was out of the way. She was glad when I was in pre-school and she had less to worry about.

Today most women work and I know plenty who aren't retired and don't have time to do childcare or even ad-hoc helping. With loss of social safety net and high rising costs, you need two incomes.

But - my dad was hardly a hands-on one until I was around 7-8. He taught me a lot of practical things but hardly anthing in day-to-day life or school work or did housework. My aunts had their own lives and families to worry about.

DH on the other hand parents DD since she is born, bedtime, bath, changing, feeding (apart form 6 months breastfeeding). He attended school events, helped with homework, sorted out medical issues, took her out on his own in the school holidays
DH is not helping me, he does housework because we are a family living together.

It's not so much that "the village" is missing, it's that men haven't stepped up enough to do things automatically instead of women telling them they have to help.

Yes - i worked in the NHS and when I had my children (1980’s) you had to start maternity leave at 28 weeks pregnant. My first baby was born in April and I had to start back at work in August.

@B0bbingalong I know hardly any mums who work f/t, equally know very few who don’t work at all. The vast majority of my friends, family & colleagues work p/t & have done since having dc.

But in recent years more mothers are working f/t

”In 2010-2011, 25% of all mothers were working full-time and by 2022 this had increased to 41%”

Did you grow up in India? We’re Indian but born in the U.K. My mother had to work, she was 12 when she came over here. My grandmother also had to find a job to support her family when they emigrated over from Malaysia. Relatives on my father’s side who were still in India were doctors who worked but had access to cheap Labour (maids, cook, drivers and had a big house) in India and they lived with grandparents so kids were looked after/supervised by them. But again cheap Labour to do all household things).

Good point. But... the village could have adapted as the years went on naturally.

I think you're rare and not the norm, or certainly in my world. I work full time and know one other mother who does, and in my childhood I didnt know one full time working mum

I think you're rare and not the norm, or certainly in my world. I work full time and know one other mother who does, and in my childhood I didnt know one full time working mum

I don't think that's the full picture. The big thing is that both partners working has increased housing costs, which has meant that both partners now NEED to work to afford to buy/rent a house (unless on benefits). So the rich people are the ones who've benefitted, i.e. those with houses or land who've sold at many times higher prices than they bought for. That's basically the older generation who were lucky enough to already own a house (or eligible for huge discount for buying their council house), and the financiers funding housing developments etc.

I'm not actually sure that men have benefitted that much. Most still go to work, as they used to do, and many continue to have little involvement with the drudgery of the house and children, like they never used to too! I don't really think that the life of the average man has changed much at all really. I don't doubt that women have it harder because of juggling childcare with a career (rather than a job), but I don't see that men have benefitted from that change at all really. In fact, I think men are more likely to be more involved with their children these days and maybe more involved with the house work too, as there's societal pressure on them to help out the "working" woman.

I can't help but think that in my mother's generation they had to do the same stuff as us, but with no work.

don't know what generation you come from but my mum and all my friend's mums worked. (I'm gen X)

We're all pretty much solidly middle to upper middle class.
However, i know from friends i have now who come from working class backgrounds that most of their mothers worked too, and from my mum's generation with working class roots all their mothers worked too.

There was a brief period where a lot more women could be the stay at home parent and live on one working parent's wage. But it was brief and it is over. Except for the wealthy/rich and people who can't get work or can't work for some reason.

The REAL revolution has been in getting men to step up.

Not strictly true. My mother was a teacher. I started working in the early 80s in an accountancy practice and we had a couple of qualified chartered accountants working there who were women with families. I was a special constable at the same time and our police station had a couple of female sergeants and a female inspector. I don't deny that there were less women in professional/career roles than today, but you can't say there were none. It was just harder.

My mum did work but she would still agree with you. My kids are 21 and 23 and I was a SAHM for a while and then worked 16 hours...which wasn't considered strange at that time although I was in a middle-class area.

I would be very careful you don't make your chronic condition worse. I'm autistic with autistic children so have never had much energy and I've had to put a lot of energy into helping my children. Now I have cfs and currently having PEM (post exertion malaise) to some degree, every afternoon, sometimes all day. I don't mean to make you feel worse but consider how things would be if you couldn't work at all. I know it's hard to make changes unless you're forced to but I would recommend trying. This society is making women ill but no-one understands until it happens to them.