To be confused by the two working parent set up

Feminism let women keep the money they earn, keep their jobs if they get pregnant, earn as much as men for doing the same job, have the funds to leave abusive relationships and get into higher paying industries. Men have had no issues with women working throughout history but they don't like women being able to choose their partners, keep their money or potentially earn more than them. Thats why we get these silly 'Feminism has ruined womens lives' phrases.

How are you confused, given the extensive range of popular history narratives available through our media? I mean to say, how can a superficial social history and culture of our present and recent generations be terra incognita!?

Ha, anyway. I wondered how old you are, and offer the example of my mother, would be 99 today. She was a teacher, and was working full time all through my growing up ( I was born in 1955). Her own Ma, born in 1896, ran a hotel with Grandad when my mother was a girl.
My Ma did absolutely everything herself, to my shame (even prototypical online shopping, whereby shed compile the weekly grocery list, phone it through to a very kind grocery store and they’d deliver!)

I have no idea how she managed at all, as there was certainly no support from family members such as grandparents, nor was such a thing ever expected. (I’d give anything to turn back time and be a more upstanding daughter and do my bit)

All the same, teaching was essential to her and staying at home would have withered her far more than over-exertion did.

But surely you must have noticed when you were a child that you had women teachers? That there were woman working in shops, cleaning, nursing, hairdressing, to list just some of the visible roles?
Women have always worked. We have taught, nursed the sick, farmed, produced things, invented things, written things, made art and machinery, and contributed to every single area of human progress.
I get tired of hearing about a this mythical time when we all stayed at home enjoying a life of Riley while men made the world. Your envy of the lifestyle of a few women you know shouldn't lead you to write off the contribution of whole generation.

I think its important to remember that the majority of women have always had to work, the idea of the housewife has been glammorised a lot, working class women were doing all the housework while also doing shifts at the factory etc.

Women worked but worked fewer hours. My mum's generation did not routinely work 10/11 hours a day whereas 9+ hours is the minimum in my professsion(law), not just for the lawyers, but all the support staff, some of whom are on terrible salaries.

Commute time is much much longer. Everyone in big cities spends a total of 2 (1 hour there, 1 back) hours a day commuting. My parents had a 30 minute and it was considered very long by their peers.

Plus the lack of a community and more expectations from parents. Yeah, it's shit.

And sure I should create my village. How? I work 50 hours a week. All my neighbours are renting, no one lives in one place more than 2-3 years around us. My friends live all over the city as everyone keeps moving because of housing costs.

In my mother's generation they had grandparents and aunts/uncles to help.
That was the case with my own mother and all her friends and colleagues. She had a 'big' job and so did my father. So they worked long hours and occasionally travelled for work.
People had children younger than today do grandparents were also younger and in better shape with more energy. Grandparents retired earlier as well.
In addition, as children, we got ourselves to and from school from an early age and could feed ourselves at home as everything was already prepared by my parents, even if sometimes we had to heat the food on our own.
Somehow it worked.
Personally, I didn't have any help from grandparents with our own children (different countries for one set and old age for the other set of grandparents). And I didn't leave the children on their own like I would have been at, say 10 or 11 years of age. There has been a lot of planning, favours and juggling throughout the entire childhood of my own children. Hard work!

Maybe! But it seems to be most people, not just those in chronic pain. One poster on another thread listed emptying the dishwasher as a task/responsibility. That to me is a 5 minute job (if that) that wouldn’t even register as a separate item on the mental to do list at all. What’s next, ‘drawing the curtains’, ‘changing the cat’s water’, ‘brushing teeth’? I don’t understand this tendency to complicate things and make out the most basic tasks are a mental drain. (Leaving aside any physical or mental disabilities.)

Agree. My grandmother is in her early 80s and worked, as does my mother still. Don’t think it was that unusual so it’s hardly a new phenomenon. Yes there is a lot of extra life admin stuff to do, but can’t see how that has increased in recent years.

My DM is 75, she worked full time from
the age of 15 for over 45 years apart from 6 years where she worked 4 hours per weekday evening in a factory.

I can't help but think that in my mother's generation they had to do the same stuff as us, but with no work.

This only applied to a small % of mothers in every generation.

I think your post nails the difference between now and SAHMs of the past (where they existed).
My mum was very much a housewife who looked after myself and my sister as well. Activities, days out and the general expectations of today's parents and their children were just not a thing then. I think my mum took us swimming twice - literally - in our entire childhood, whereas now it's pretty much a weekly activity for a lot of families. Soft play and role play cafes did not exist back then because there would have been no demand. In other words, we were not as child-centric as we are now.
I do think that when threads such as these crop up, harking back to a golden age of SAHMs and bemoaning that today's mums can not afford to stay at home, it's like comparing apples with pears.
My mum could afford to give up work because expectations were pretty low, so a lot less money was needed to fund her lifestyle than the constant expectations of lunches out, soft play, activities, visits and holidays that seem to be considered a fairly basic requirement now.

I agree with this, I grew up in the 80/90s era of 'females can have it all' & 'girl power' etc & it took me until my late 30's to realise it's a fucking trick! What had happened is we do more than ever. That said I have kept my career, pension contributions & protected my assets so I certainly have never relied on a man for income & could afford to live without one so I guess that's a positive.

In my social circle (millennial professionals), no woman would ever make herself financially dependent - on a partner, family or the State. It would be unthinkable. Those with kids continue working full-time without exception. They seem to just… get on with it? No signs of mental health problems or nervous breakdowns. Agree with PP that MN seems to skew towards low-energy catastrophisers who complain about the trauma of the ‘mental load’ when they have to book a dentist appointment or renew the car insurance. They bear no resemblance whatsoever to the parents I know IRL.

I think the increased retirement age is also fueling reduced family choices. If you have working GP then that option isnt there and people still have mortgages ( i do and it will remain crippling until we downsize). My mum retired at 58, my dad 63. I can't afford to.
My husband has had a physical job for forty years. He's got five years to go to state retirement. He's tired and fed up. Companies use to pay off all the over 60s but they're too tight to do that now. They just hound you out!
We'll be too old to privide any childcare.

@Octavia64 ok, there’s a jobs issue - London jobs have always paid more.

Well yes, that's the issue. Houses in other places are more affordable, but you are also likely to be earning a lot less too, so it's not really solving the problem.

Houses are not supposed to be nearly as expensive as what they are.

Delusional home owners will rub their hands with delight when they see property prices going up, but they will not profit from this because if you sell your home, then you either need to buy a different home, or rent somewhere. Everyone needs to live somewhere.

I don’t think it’s an unpopular view so much as fact? And you’re right, we can never go back. People will always strive for a better quality of life, so you can’t stop people working more to bring more money in for their family.