Friend is pregnant from a casual fling and I’m worried

78 replies

Namechangeragainn · 30/12/2025 10:07

My friend has a really complicated relationship history. She is in her mid 20s. She has a diagnosis of EUPD and she’s quite obsessive about men.

She went out with our mutual friend in college but he ended things with her as she was quite demanding of him - she tried to walk into the road in front of him to get hit by a car when he said he didn’t want to spend the weekend with her. She also also threatened harm to herself various times.

She recently met our mutual friend on a night out and they slept together. She has now told me she is pregnant. I’ve said I will support her in her decision, but she is saying things to me like the father will now want to be with her and is looking for houses for “the 3 of them”.

Mutual friend has told me that she told him over a text message that she was pregnant and that she wants them to proceed as a family. He said he’ll be supportive of the child but he doesn’t want a relationship. He’s been dating a girl for 3 months!

Friend has said that she was on the pill but it “just happened”. She said that she slept with a “few” people around the conception date but she is sure it’s our mutual friends.

She still lives with her mum and sisters who are young teens. I’m struggling to support her - I think she’s intentionally done this and it’s a very unstable environment for her and her unborn child. I’m worried she will fall apart when she realises that our mutual friend won’t leave his new girlfriend for her.

I have no idea what to advise her but I’m actually a bit annoyed with her! Aibu?

OP posts:

IllAdvised · 30/12/2025 10:22

But do you even know she’s pregnant for sure, if she has a long history of obsession and fantasy?

And your mutual friend is coming out of this incredibly badly, if he did sleep with a wildly mentally-unstable ex he knows is obsessed with him, while in a relationship with someone else, and didn’t even use a condom.

Original poster

Namechangeragainn · 30/12/2025 10:18

greenwithglee · 30/12/2025 10:13

"I think she’s intentionally done this and it’s a very unstable environment for her and her unborn child. "

You don't sound worried, you sound judgemental. You've put 2 and 2 together and come up with five. You'll never be able to truly support your friend if you are thinking that she has done this on purpose and brought this on herself.

You need to decide, do you want to support your friend or not? If you truly want to support her you leave the judgement and assumptions at the door. If you can't then leave her too it.

When she eventually finds that the father doesnt want to be with her she will need people who are supportive around her, not people secretly thinking she brought this on herself.

I am worried about her because of the situation she is in. There may be judgement in this, but i think it’s pretty understandable. I’ve been with her through all her breakups and situations and seen how poorly she can make herself. I suppose I am “annoyed” that she has ended up in this situation as I cannot understand her rationale at all.

She seems to think that this will be a fairytale ending, when it clearly won’t be. And in the middle of it all is a small baby who will be born in chaos. So yes, maybe I am judgemental

OP posts:

greenwithglee · 30/12/2025 10:13

"I think she’s intentionally done this and it’s a very unstable environment for her and her unborn child. "

You need to decide, do you want to support your friend or not? If you truly want to support her you leave the judgement and assumptions at the door. If you can't then leave her too it.

When she eventually finds that the father doesnt want to be with her she will need people who are supportive around her, not people secretly thinking she brought this on herself.

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