I dread phone calls with my deep thinking daughter

I am always suspicious when people say they 'hate small talk'.

I have a philosophy degree and love a debate as much as anyone - I also work in a political job so really do love deep chat. BUT - I love small talk!

'small' is not what this basic chat is - it's how you connect with people.

I've spent years picking my kids up from the school gates and always loved those little run ins/ banter and chat with other parents - often parents with very different backgrounds to my own.

I love talking about how someones morning was/ how their kid is doing at school/ what they think of a new local policy or park equipment!

I think if you don't find other people interesting at this level, I really doubt your 'big talk' is that great.

It's quite clear from the majority of replies here that is what people would rather talk about. Exchange a few banal pleasantries and be done with it. You're just bristling because you don't want to hear it.

I am always suspicious when people say they 'hate small talk'.

I have a philosophy degree and love a debate as much as anyone - I also work in a political job so really do love deep chat. BUT - I love small talk!

'small' is not what this basic chat is - it's how you connect with people.

I've spent years picking my kids up from the school gates and always loved those little run ins/ banter and chat with other parents - often parents with very different backgrounds to my own.

I love talking about how someones morning was/ how their kid is doing at school/ what they think of a new local policy or park equipment!

I think if you don't find other people interesting at this level, I really doubt your 'big talk' is that great.

Ha I am your daughter! My mother always says im draining her and ok bye lol

Exactly. Thinking that any conversation that doesn't dive into the philosophical is 'contentless' is beyond arrogant.

I'm capable of deep and meaningful conversation and enjoy it. It's great when there's the opportunity to really discuss and debate.
I'm also capable of listening and showing interest in my best friend's love of his football team. I'm also happy to hear about a friend's holiday, and will chat about mine. I can discuss a book with someone without going deeper into it or getting into tangential areas, when I sense that that's not what the other person is looking for. I'm also interested in other people's backgrounds and history.

Basically I do not see myself as the most important person in a conversation, as some of the other deep thinkers on this thread seem to.

My daughter is in her mid-20s and an incredibly deep thinker, she studied philosophy, religion and ethics and a MA in philosophy, she is considering a PhD. She was baptised/first communion as a child but we've had little engagement with the church lately, she however has returned, goes to mass often but not weekly. She is incredible, and I am very proud of her, but she never seems to be able to approach a topic lightly. It makes me dread phone calls as seemingly the most basic conversation can be turned into philosophy, theology or sociology. She isn't forcing a belief on me at all more so she is inquisitive, the adult version of a toddler who can't stop asking why and loves to play devils advocate, or have deep conversations about a totally abstract topic. In particular she loves to discuss how different philosophical schools of thought intertwine or compete with religion, the theology of various Christian denominations and the roots of breakaway churches/schisms. I often ask for a lighter phone call just about her life as she has friends and is social and sporty, but after a brief overview it always goes into ... and we spoke about this, followed by her asking questions on my thoughts on the topic. Even discussions about books go far deeper than I can handle. She also does it with sport, we both enjoy tennis but I can never just comment on a match without it turning into a conversation on the sociology of women in sports, the psychology of competition etc.
All that's to say I find it exhausting, if she were just sharing her thoughts I wouldn't mind so much, but it often comes with lots of questions such as what are your thoughts? Why do you think that?

Today we met for lunch and she told me it makes her sad I don't show the same interest in her interests as I do her brothers or call her as often, I explained why and that her brothers are more content with small talk so I find calling them requires less mental energy, she apologised and said she doesn't know how to turn off the deep thinking. She has a long term boyfriend who seems to be interested in the intellectual sparring so I'm not sure why she is so keen to get it from me.

AIBU to find this exhausting? How do I handle it before it damages our relationship?

You're not into it so it's too much for you. I would absolutely love speaking to her at length, this is my thing. I would have so much to tell her that would hopefully blow her mind about the church and it's ancient history and the truth of the Mass of the ages. Would you be up for passing on that I'd love to chat to her? I'm a woman by the way.

You're her mum, you're probably the only person in the world who can (and should) tell her when she's being a cracking bore and needs to lighten up. She may not like it, but it's for her own good.

You're not into it so it's too much for you. I would absolutely love speaking to her at length, this is my thing. I would have so much to tell her that would hopefully blow her mind about the church and it's ancient history and the truth of the Mass of the ages. Would you be up for passing on that I'd love to chat to her? I'm a woman by the way.

She is tempted by academia but can't decide if her passion lies in philosophy or theology. I do try to be supportive but it's incredibly exhausting.

My daughter is in her mid-20s and an incredibly deep thinker, she studied philosophy, religion and ethics and a MA in philosophy, she is considering a PhD. She was baptised/first communion as a child but we've had little engagement with the church lately, she however has returned, goes to mass often but not weekly. She is incredible, and I am very proud of her, but she never seems to be able to approach a topic lightly. It makes me dread phone calls as seemingly the most basic conversation can be turned into philosophy, theology or sociology. She isn't forcing a belief on me at all more so she is inquisitive, the adult version of a toddler who can't stop asking why and loves to play devils advocate, or have deep conversations about a totally abstract topic. In particular she loves to discuss how different philosophical schools of thought intertwine or compete with religion, the theology of various Christian denominations and the roots of breakaway churches/schisms. I often ask for a lighter phone call just about her life as she has friends and is social and sporty, but after a brief overview it always goes into ... and we spoke about this, followed by her asking questions on my thoughts on the topic. Even discussions about books go far deeper than I can handle. She also does it with sport, we both enjoy tennis but I can never just comment on a match without it turning into a conversation on the sociology of women in sports, the psychology of competition etc.
All that's to say I find it exhausting, if she were just sharing her thoughts I wouldn't mind so much, but it often comes with lots of questions such as what are your thoughts? Why do you think that?

Today we met for lunch and she told me it makes her sad I don't show the same interest in her interests as I do her brothers or call her as often, I explained why and that her brothers are more content with small talk so I find calling them requires less mental energy, she apologised and said she doesn't know how to turn off the deep thinking. She has a long term boyfriend who seems to be interested in the intellectual sparring so I'm not sure why she is so keen to get it from me.

AIBU to find this exhausting? How do I handle it before it damages our relationship?

Apologies. I linked to the gluten free ones I buy.

https://v-spot.co.uk/product/plantside-vegan-yorkshire-puddings-6-pack/?srsltid=AfmBOorZj1JoNP9HU-kajCngV97zh5W8HT636GR2_DfMNgVlAaZQVKJ4PKU

No you wouldn't:

Ingredients
Pasteurised Egg White, Skimmed Milk, Maize Starch, Pasteurised Whole Egg, Potato Starch, Rapeseed Oil, Maize Flour, Tapioca Starch, Emulsifiers: (Lecithin, Mono and Diglycerides of Fatty Acids), Salt, Stabiliser: Xanthan Gum

MNLurker1345 who wrote:
There are, always will be and always have been deep thinkers. Think; Aristotle, Plato, Socrates, Freud, Issac Newton, Karle Marx, Nietzsche, Weil, Camus, Orwell (OMG, this list is making me salivate. I will stop there). Where would we be without them? For some considerations and contemplations at this level are just normal, for others light chit chat is enough and also fulfilling.

What you don't see, and possibly OP's DD doesn't see, is that we would be absolutely fine without them. (Perhaps with the exception of Isaac Newton.) They are, more or less, intellectual luxuries. Or vanities.

Also, you seem to be implying is that there is nothing much between these philosophies of these salivary stimulants, and what you call 'light chit chat.' Which is a bit arrogant.
There is very much in between- almost everything in between. Today I have discussed with a biochemist the impossibility of making vegan Yorkshire puddings, and the fortune awaiting him should he pause his protein stability investigations to invent a way of mass producing them, books, the clearness of the moon tonight, rose pruning, the errors that come with reported conversations, and half a dozen interesting, bonding, cheerful things. I don't know if anyone ended up very much the wiser, but I'm pretty sure that nobody was particularly bored.

I really feel for your poor daughter! And this thread is terrifying with the number of normies who can't handle anything beyond an entirely contentless conversation. Thinking is boring and exhausting. It's a good job democracy is in its twilight years as we are not well suited to this form of governance 😂