Sister is angry over a car

What model car is it? Did you know it was the same car she had?

I’m thinking maybe she doesn’t like the fact we can afford the same as her?

I think it’s this. Which she’s not going to admit to you, your family or maybe even herself, hence the ‘doesn’t like being copied’ explanation. But I 100% think it’s what you think it is.

She sounds incredibly controlling, evidenced not only by her behaviour to you but to her husband. Is it that much of a loss to your life not to bother with her anymore? I'd see her lack of caring about my children as a deal breaker tbh.

Apart from the car nonsense, why is her dh listening to her "not allowed" shit?
My dh fell out with neighbours over some imaginary stuff and told me not to say hello if i saw them. I didn't go out of my way to say hello but i didn't ignore them. He didn't like it so i just said i wasn't a rude twat so he could just get over it and he did.

This. She's ridiculous. I'd send her a message pointing out that you had no involvement in the choice of car and you don't understand why it is even an issue in the first place.

Invite her over for coffee. If she doesn't respond, ignore her. Don't pander to such self-indulgent drama- queen stupidity.

Just get on with your life. Congratulations of your pregnancy.

You sound like the sister. Why shouldn’t she have the same car? Why did it warrant a laugh?

Sorry but there would be no room in my life for this, she sounds like a drama queen and an emotional vampire.

Is everything always 'ME ME ME' with your DSis?
Does she have form for this kind of reaction?
If this really is about the car, and you wanted to open a conversation with a photo of a baby scan - this was probably the wrong tack.
It strikes me that everything has to be about 'HER' so sharing your pregnancy news is probably not going to have the same reaction as it would with a 'normal' person.

How has she reacted when the rest of your family have told her she's being ridiculous? Have your family done that? Have her DC called out her craziness or are they keeping out of it and therefore she believes they are supporting her?

Personally I think having this kind of person out of your life is a good thing.
If you want her in your life, you may need to do some performative grovelling, some kind of public act that proves she's right and you're wrong.

BTW - I had a crazy aunt. She was 'right' until the day she died, having not spoken to my mum for 20+ years. She missed so much. She also fell out with quite a lot of other people over batshit stuff. She was a twat.

Surely most of us choose a new or upgraded car based on a bunch of factors like reliability, how economical it is, interior space, and how it handles on a test drive? Even if it was a hideous shade of bogey green, as long as the important stuff ticked a box, I don't think colour would matter.

OP, it really is bizarre for your DSis to have decided your husband purposely chose the same make, model and colour to make some kind of a point, because what IS the point? Unless you've spent your life trying to be her: dressing the same, decorating your house identically to hers, going to the same places on holiday, which I'm sure you would have mentioned, this doesn't make any sense.

She’s batshit and extremely petty. Ignore her, she’s being insane levels of ridiculous.

I mean OP unless it’s a 1972 baby blue convertible mustang or something else very unique then she is being nuts.

I think there is also a touch of internalised misogyny here from her, like you are responsible for your DH decisions!

Sister or no sister I think you’re better off without this controlling freak in your life OP!
She obviously has no concept of what is important in other people’s lives but can only focus on her own achievements. Her DH must lead a dogs life, stopping him meeting you for lunch was just spiteful…….and he really should grow some and stand up to her.

Has your family thought about the fact that you a non driver are being blamed for this? Does anyone think at all that this might be crazy?

This!

I could almost understand it, if you had a history of copying what she does, and the is some bespoke kit car that she'd spent years and £££ on.

But this is truly bonkers if she's getting all uptight about the fact that she has an Audi (or whatever marque it is) and you have the same.

Please can we not blame every batshit behaviour on the menopause.

I see this posted regularly on MN these days. It's the same with poor behaviour in children, where it is assumed that they are ND.

It sounds like the sister's family have to tread on eggshells around her. Not allowing her husband to talk to you is ridiculous. Although he does sound like a bit of a wet lettuce.

What other narcissistic behaviour has she displayed over the years?

this might sound awful but I think it’s the car and the baby
she felt superior having things you couldn’t have, and now she is spiralling

God, how pathetic, you’re probably better off not having her in your life, she’s acting like you stole her husband.

OK, on the face of it, this is absolutely batshit crazy.
However, I do wonder if there is a huge back story and this is just the straw that broke the camels back?
Has she accused you of copying before? Has this been a theme throughout your lives, you dress the same, do your hair similar, move to the same area, follow the same career, holiday where she goes, take up the same hobbies?
Because I can imagine a young girl looking up to her 10 years older sibling and trying to emulate her. And I can also see how that could be frustrating for her.

Equally, if none of that applies, she's totally unreasonable and you should just back off and leave her to it.

Superficial bollocks. Leave her to it. Competition like that stems from insecurity. Her focus is on the wrong things & life is ticking by.

She's obviously not very well at the moment, so probably best to let her carry on being not well on her own.

If there is a real mental health issue, then her car should not be driven by her, as her fitness to drive should be called into question.

I think I might write her one last letter. Stating how hurt you are to have been cut off over something so childish and trivial. Have your say and then leave her to it, never contact her again.

Playing Devil’s Advocate, could the car be a symbol of a wider issue? For example if it was well known she was desperate for a red BMW and she saved for years to get one, I can see why she might be miffed if your DH just bought that exact car straight after.

She sounds borderline insane. Just a ridiculous trivial issue to make such a fuss about, and a hurtful fuss at that. I’d withdraw from all this if you can and have nothing to do with her.

Are your family passing the message along as "It's batshit, but she's still upset about the car"? Or are they also implying that you have something to apologize for? Are they worried about her mental health? Or is this a common occurrence? They shouldn't be facilitating her.