Sister is angry over a car

That’s the kind of insane overreaction my MIL would have had when she went through menopause. She was bonkers unreasonable and took offence at the most ridiculous things. Could it be that perhaps? Doesn’t excuse her behaviour but may explain why.

Probably spot on. She is mad, and a horrible person.

Is the car something exotic and Veblen goods, like a Ferrari, Lamborghini, or Bentley? If not it makes even less sense.

This is the weirdest thing ever. She is not the gatekeeper of all cars. If she is that hell bent on having a bespoke vehicle then she needs to put her hand in her pocket and get a custom made Bentley or some shite.

FWIW I own the same car as my sister. She bought one and I thought it was nice. 18 months later I needed a car and bought the same one because she hadn’t had any issues with hers, I liked it, and it fit my budget. Mine is a different colour but that is it. She didn’t bat an eyelid. I just told her “oh I’ve found an X car for X amount and they’ve said it’ll be ready next week I’m pleased” and I think her reaction was “oh cool you’ll love it”

If your sister regards the car as a status symbol, she might feel threatened. It's amazing how people get themselves in knots over mass-produced tokens of "status".

Maybe a personalised plate too (that nobody can decipher).

You can’t argue with batshit op. I’m sorry she’s caused strife but there’s nothing you can (or should) do about this. Her husband obvs hasn’t got balls enough to tell her she’s bonkers either!

Come on! What car is it that she's so jealous about?

Our DD bought a car identical to ours, same make, model and colour, but a couple of years newer than ours. The notion of being jealous is insane, it would never have crossed my mind! We were simply glad that she had bought a safe and reliable car.

That's batshit.
I wouldn't be apologizing and if she doesn't like that, tough.
I've got a neighbour who is like this - every little thing is a deliberate slight against her. And I've also got a famiy member who behaves like this and cut her own sister off for 4 or 5 years for something similar to this car incident. There's no dealing with people like that.

TBH to some people, the sort of car they have on their drive is linked absolutely to their self-esteem and their sense of status. We have a neighbour like this. Heaven help her if anyone dared to think she couldn’t afford her shiny new black Mercedes! I would just add that although we have excellent buses/trains here, she has never used them, and has actually said ‘Only peasants use public transport!’

If you add to that, the not uncommon feeling of needing to be and have everything that bit better than everyone else’s, the OP’s post is not so surprising. It’s still absolutely daft/unhinged behaviour, though!

If your family haven't told her she's absolutely batshit crazy, then they are part of the problem.

Did you actually explain that you are a non driver and had no input into the purchase?
If so you were encouraging the batshittery and validating her. You should just have told her to stop being ridiculous.
They defensive way you are describing the situation makes it sound like you feel guilty for doing absolutely nothing wrong - she needs to be laughed at and ignored rather than placated

Oh well, let her get on with it. Sounds like she’d only be contributing drama to your life anyway. If it wasn’t this, it would be something else. She sounds jealous, maybe she sees you getting attention with the IVF and doesn’t like it? No matter her reason, she sounds crazy and she’ll never back down.

Your sister needs to wise up. Being like this over a car and you don’t live anywhere near each other

Your sister is totally out of order. I suspect she is jealous of your life in some way and very insecure about herself. Do not give this another thought and get on with your life. If you want to, carry on contact with your BiL. He will either do his own thing and see you, or give in to your sister's totally unacceptable demands.

Please can I have your sister's address so I can send her husband a sympathy card?

No, because it’s not relevant

It's not the situation that's mad as a box of frogs, OP, it's your DSis.

It blows my mind that an adult is so bothered by someone in the family having the same car as them that they'll go NC with them, but it's especially bonkers when the person they've copped the hump with had nothing to do with the purchase.

I really don't get what her issue is. Mind you, I have a car that's such a common model and colour that I frequently see several ones in car parks. I have to check the number plates to be sure that I'm not about to try and put my shopping in someone else's car.

First of all do not apologise
Secondly message her and tell her she can grow up or fuck off

I’m more interested because if it’s something like a yellow Jag that would be straight out copying. Very unlikely I know but you never know!

How weird. My brother has the same car as my Dad -they liked it and did a test drive in my Dad’s and then decided to get one. I used to have the same car as my mum too for the same reasons.

I think you’re right that it’s some weird thing about her not wanting you to be “as good” as her being able to afford the same car!

I wouldn’t pander to her, she’s being ridiculous. You could make up but who knows what random nonsensical thing she’s going to cut you off for next time

What's really important is how everyone else is handling it. Are they, for example, telling her how batshit crazy it is to start shouting 'copy cat!' like a five year old over something you had no input into? Or are they being soothing and telling her 'it's probably a coincidence'? Thus playing into her belief that you are up to something?

Because it sounds as though your sister is psychotically jealous of you, but surely this would have come to your attention before now.

How insane. A couple of years ago my stepdad borrowed my car since his had broken down, he liked it so much he got the same car as me and I never thought to be mad about someone getting the same car as me!