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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how single people are meant to live nowadays?

65 replies

Cadogan66 · 29/12/2025 21:17

Just that really! Life seems impossible these days without a joint income.

At the moment I earn the best wage that I’ve ever had (senior AHP, ~£60k pa) yet making ends meet is harder than ever. I’m usually left with nothing at the end of the month after paying the mortgage/utilities/groceries/insurance etc and am having to dip into credit cards. I by no means live a luxurious life (haven’t been on holiday in years, limited eating out, only buy clothing off Vinted) so it’s just so bloody depressing to feel like I’m effectively working for nothing. I can just about get by and that’s it.

I’ve got a 21yo DD who isn’t cheap to run - she gets minimum student maintenance loan (due to my income being relatively high) and I am therefore expected to help out with her living costs/rent at uni. I don’t begrudge it for a second, she’s a hard worker and does as many hours as possible at her part time job alongside balancing a tough uni course/placements/maintaining a social life but it’s absolutely crippling me. Trying to keep the two of us afloat feels impossible.

Any other single parents feel the same way? 😩

OP posts:
Seeline · 29/12/2025 22:59

nancpmf · 29/12/2025 22:03

Why is she getting the minimum loan support? I thought the threshold for minimum support was £80k?

Household income of just over £62k means minimum loan only. Fir max loan, it has to be below £25k.

SunnySideDeepDown · 29/12/2025 22:58

Totally agree. Liz Truss has a LOT to answer for.

£60k ought to be comfortable.

Goodwishesfor2026 · 29/12/2025 22:55

Rtmhwales · 29/12/2025 22:51

I’m not saying this to be controversial or goady, but do parents typically not save for children’s university from early on in the U.K.? My ex husband is British and when we lived there he seemed perplexed I would want to save from month one. I’m Canadian and we typically start saving very early, even if it’s just $20/$50/$100 a month from birth. Maybe because student loans here have to be repaid in full usually regardless of what salary you end up with?

How much do you pay for nursery costs? I did manage to save for DD monthly but by the time I got to DS, childcare costs were four figures a month. And I did not qualify for any support with that and it was before the free hours you get now. So no.

Sweetnessandbite · 29/12/2025 22:55

Op, I agree. It is ridiculously hard. I am a single Mum too. I can't afford to fix anything in my house, can't afford a holiday, can't afford a cinema trip or a nice meal out.

I don't understand why on here, couples can say it us a struggle but if a single Mum says it everyone pipes up.

Yet another post is people all saying how quickly they could save £8K and how many thousands they save each month.

I completely understand your frustration. It is so exhausting.

Rtmhwales · 29/12/2025 22:51

I’m not saying this to be controversial or goady, but do parents typically not save for children’s university from early on in the U.K.? My ex husband is British and when we lived there he seemed perplexed I would want to save from month one. I’m Canadian and we typically start saving very early, even if it’s just $20/$50/$100 a month from birth. Maybe because student loans here have to be repaid in full usually regardless of what salary you end up with?

Original poster
Cadogan66 · 29/12/2025 22:48

Cat1504 · 29/12/2025 22:27

Of course you have a choice…she needs to get a job

Show quote history

Again, if you would’ve actually read my OP you’d know that DD does have a job and works bloody hard! In term time uni is pretty much all consuming with 9-5 lectures/tutorials/placement, all before coursework & revision on top of this. During the holidays it’s not unusual for her to be working 12 hour days with minimal downtime.

OP posts:
User0311 · 29/12/2025 22:47

Completely agree!! Iv never earnt more than I earn now yet Iv never been more skint!!

Original poster
Cadogan66 · 29/12/2025 22:45

InfoSecInTheCity · 29/12/2025 21:57

I worked through a-levels and uni, 25 hrs a week got me just over £1k a month which when added to the minimum student loan was more than sufficient and my parents never paid a penny. Whenever I read a thread about supporting kids through university the expectation seems to be that they couldn’t possibly work and study but that’s ridiculous, and why so many leave university and fail miserably 8n their first jobs.

Show quote history

DD works very hard but there’s only so much you can do on an intensive healthcare course with full time blocks of placement. It’s not as if she’s doing a mickey mouse type degree with minimal contact hours.. In order to get 25 hours per week during term time she’d need to give up sleep!

OP posts:
Goodwishesfor2026 · 29/12/2025 22:44

nancpmf · 29/12/2025 22:03

Why is she getting the minimum loan support? I thought the threshold for minimum support was £80k?

It’s something like 36k to get anything more than the minimum in Scotland and the loan does not even cover halls or rent.

Goodwishesfor2026 · 29/12/2025 22:41

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 29/12/2025 21:50

The part where being single really hits, I think, is how much more tax you pay than a couple whose earnings add up to the same.

But things have got a lot worse for most people over recent years thanks to inflation. It really is a killer.

I earn more than I ever have, but I feel much worse off.

Edited

And you don’t get to keep the child benefit when you earn over 60k when a household with two people up to 60k each do. My DC (single parent) do not cost any less.
A household with two adults each earning half of what I do and keeping the child benefit is literally hundreds of pounds a month better off than I am. It’s not made up by child maintenance as I do not receive any. I still have to pay the same maintenance for DC at university.
What I do always try to remember is that I would far, far rather have my job, though, and the salary that goes with it regardless of tax. It’s just the spiralling cost of everything which sometimes feels like rampant profiteering and it’s a bit depressing to have what should be a reasonable salary going not at all far once all the outgoings are accounted for, and I do not live expensively.

Stompingupthemountain · 29/12/2025 22:33

JacknDiane · 29/12/2025 22:00

My dss rent is over 1k a month for a small room in London.
How is a mortgage possible for that??

Show quote history

It is possible. I bought a 200k flat in zone 4 within the last 5 years with a 10% deposit. The mortgage is £800.

Cat1504 · 29/12/2025 22:27

Cadogan66 · 29/12/2025 21:57

I don’t have much of a choice to be frank. Her maintenance loan doesn’t even cover her rent, never mind any other necessities.

Show quote history

Of course you have a choice…she needs to get a job

MeouwKing · 29/12/2025 22:25

LadyKenya · 29/12/2025 21:57

But otherwise, surviving on a single income is difficult, yes, and I wish the council would give 50% off the council tax!

This. Council tax should be 50% off, not 25%.

They could fund it by charging more for houses with multiple adults

maddiemookins16mum · 29/12/2025 22:06

The reality is that a lot of people (single or otherwise) simply cannot afford to support their adult children through Uni anymore.

Fridgemanageress · 29/12/2025 22:04

JacknDiane · 29/12/2025 22:00

My dss rent is over 1k a month for a small room in London.
How is a mortgage possible for that??

Show quote history

the mortgage maybe over a longer period of time - maybe 35/40 years isn’t uncommon these days, but she probably has a mortgage of about £175,000 to £225,000

nancpmf · 29/12/2025 22:03

Why is she getting the minimum loan support? I thought the threshold for minimum support was £80k?

SereneCoralExpert · 29/12/2025 22:01

iamnotalemon · 29/12/2025 21:51

You are able to financially support your daughter through uni, so you are hardly struggling. This is a choice and seems like an expectation nowadays.

But otherwise, surviving on a single income is difficult, yes, and I wish the council would give 50% off the council tax!

a choice? To support your own children? Blimey, standards are low.

JacknDiane · 29/12/2025 22:00

Liftedmeup · 29/12/2025 21:21

My DD is single, earns 34k, has a mortgage of just under 1k a month on her flat in London, pays all her utilities and student loan, runs a car, and seems to manage. She does have to be careful, though.

My dss rent is over 1k a month for a small room in London.
How is a mortgage possible for that??

EmotionalSupportWren · 29/12/2025 21:58

Cadogan66 · 29/12/2025 21:57

I don’t have much of a choice to be frank. Her maintenance loan doesn’t even cover her rent, never mind any other necessities.

Show quote history

These really are the hardest yards. Both of my kids are grown and gone now, and I can live on so much less. Hang on in there.

Blasterplaster · 29/12/2025 21:58

InfoSecInTheCity · 29/12/2025 21:57

I worked through a-levels and uni, 25 hrs a week got me just over £1k a month which when added to the minimum student loan was more than sufficient and my parents never paid a penny. Whenever I read a thread about supporting kids through university the expectation seems to be that they couldn’t possibly work and study but that’s ridiculous, and why so many leave university and fail miserably 8n their first jobs.

Show quote history

It depends how full on their degree is though, you have to admit. One child has 3 lectures a week, the other has 20 hours worth.

LighthouseLED · 29/12/2025 21:58

InfoSecInTheCity · 29/12/2025 21:57

I worked through a-levels and uni, 25 hrs a week got me just over £1k a month which when added to the minimum student loan was more than sufficient and my parents never paid a penny. Whenever I read a thread about supporting kids through university the expectation seems to be that they couldn’t possibly work and study but that’s ridiculous, and why so many leave university and fail miserably 8n their first jobs.

Show quote history

Was this recently?

LadyKenya · 29/12/2025 21:57

But otherwise, surviving on a single income is difficult, yes, and I wish the council would give 50% off the council tax!

This. Council tax should be 50% off, not 25%.

InfoSecInTheCity · 29/12/2025 21:57

LighthouseLED · 29/12/2025 21:53

This is a choice and seems like an expectation nowadays.

It’s only an expectation because the ridiculous student loan system restricts maintenance loan based on the resident parent’s household income. If OP’s daughter was able to have a full maintenance loan OP possibly wouldn’t need to support her.

I worked through a-levels and uni, 25 hrs a week got me just over £1k a month which when added to the minimum student loan was more than sufficient and my parents never paid a penny. Whenever I read a thread about supporting kids through university the expectation seems to be that they couldn’t possibly work and study but that’s ridiculous, and why so many leave university and fail miserably 8n their first jobs.

Original poster
Cadogan66 · 29/12/2025 21:57

iamnotalemon · 29/12/2025 21:51

You are able to financially support your daughter through uni, so you are hardly struggling. This is a choice and seems like an expectation nowadays.

But otherwise, surviving on a single income is difficult, yes, and I wish the council would give 50% off the council tax!

I don’t have much of a choice to be frank. Her maintenance loan doesn’t even cover her rent, never mind any other necessities.

OP posts:
ThatBrickHiker · 29/12/2025 21:55

Have you a room to rent out?

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