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AIBU?

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Original poster

Inheritance

70 replies

Breeabelle · 29/12/2025 19:41

I am looking for an outside opinion on my siblings thoughts on their inheritance.

I live in the same country as my aging mum. I have two kids and am a single mother but have met someone 4 years ago and we are looking to buy a house. There is one house that we have looked at has a one bedroom flat attached to it. My mum would like to sell her very nice house and put some money towards this house for us, and that would be my share of the inheritance. I have 3 siblings that all live abroad and only come home for a week or two every year. My mums current house is in good condition but she needs lots of help maintaining it and things are starting to go wrong, like a new boiler is needed, there's a leak in the attic, etc, nothing major, but things than stress her out at her age. I think her moving in next to me in a completely separate but attached dwelling is a fantastic idea as she is quite nervous about being by herself but equally is totally independent.

However one sibling has kicked off about it saying it is so unfair that I possibly will be getting slightly more inheritance than the rest of them- 10,000 roughly. I have said that I will be the one taking care of mum as she ages and that I could of course buy a different house which would cost me much less but I am thinking of the future with Mum. And that they need to talk to mum about it as it isn't my money. And we mightn't even get the house. It has caused so much stress and now nobody is talking to each other. My mum is all for the new house.

Do you think it's worth the stress of siblings not talking to each other ?

OP posts:
ByQuaintAzureWasp · 29/12/2025 21:47

Soonenough · 29/12/2025 20:01

Think you need to have a word with a solicitor first . If you and DP split up , what happens if you have to divide or sell property ? Whose name will it be in.? What portion will be considered if she needs to go into a care facility. Are you prepared and able to be a FT Carer if she needs one ? Don't think the family that moved away get to have much if a say in your mother's arrangements . Let her tell them what she wants . You step back from those discussions.

I agree with this! If you divorce yoyr mum will be in a mess.

PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul · 29/12/2025 21:19

MissMoneyFairy · 29/12/2025 20:40

" they" being the taxpayer? Careful its not seen as deliberate deprivation of assets.

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Well it is a deliberate attempt to deprive the tax payer of assets isn’t it! 🙄

Ohpleeeease · 29/12/2025 21:17

Are you saying your DM is going to split the proceeds of the sale of her house sale between her four children but you’ll be getting £10k more? She needs to understand that if she needs care in the future, any assets she holds over £14,250 will be taken into account, and if she has more than £23,250 she’ll be liable for the full fees, so if she doesn’t give your siblings their share now, they might not get it.

Meanwhile you’ll have an appreciating asset which she will have no claim on if the arrangement doesn’t work out.

Financially it isn’t fair. On the other hand if you’re willing to give up your life (and possibly your relationship) to her long term care you will earn every penny.

MissMoneyFairy · 29/12/2025 20:40

Breeabelle · 29/12/2025 19:56

Well this is another big reason mum wants to sell her house now and divide out what she can because where we live, if she needed a nursing home, the government can possess her house and sell it to recoup the cost of her care but if she doesn't have any assets then they have to pay.

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" they" being the taxpayer? Careful its not seen as deliberate deprivation of assets.

Yellowpingu · 29/12/2025 20:34

We did this 20+ years ago and it’s worked well. In our case DB was on board with it even though we moved hours away from him. DM remained highly independent until a fall aged 80. Now, I’m glad I’m so close at hand even though she can be infuriating at times!

berlinbaby2025 · 29/12/2025 20:30

Breeabelle · 29/12/2025 19:56

Well this is another big reason mum wants to sell her house now and divide out what she can because where we live, if she needed a nursing home, the government can possess her house and sell it to recoup the cost of her care but if she doesn't have any assets then they have to pay.

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I had a feeling this was part of the issue. You need to tread very carefully now because if she has to go into a care home, the local authority will - if necessary - put a charge on that house, even if you sell it before. They won’t take your or her word for it that she hasn’t depreciated her assets. And they can and will go through all aspects of her financial and medical history.

https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/care/paying-for-care/paying-for-a-care-home/do-i-have-to-sell-my-home-to-pay-for-care

https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/care/paying-for-care/paying-for-a-care-home/do-i-have-to-sell-my-home-to-pay-for-care/

Coconutter24 · 29/12/2025 20:17

Breeabelle · 29/12/2025 19:56

Well this is another big reason mum wants to sell her house now and divide out what she can because where we live, if she needed a nursing home, the government can possess her house and sell it to recoup the cost of her care but if she doesn't have any assets then they have to pay.

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So your mum is trying to depreciate her assets so she doesn’t have to fund her own care if she needs it?

MrsChristmasHasResigned · 29/12/2025 20:13

IME the ones who shout loudest and kick off in these situations are the ones who are doing the least to help the elderly relative. She could leave you the whole estate and it would be fair enough, since you are willing to make such changes in your lifestyle to help her.

DierdreDaphne · 29/12/2025 20:03

If they want to be "fair" suggest the alternative whereby your mum buys two adjoining flats and you and your siblings all live next door to her for an equal number of months per year. I'm CERTAIN that they'll go for that, seeing as it's FAIR.

Soonenough · 29/12/2025 20:01

Think you need to have a word with a solicitor first . If you and DP split up , what happens if you have to divide or sell property ? Whose name will it be in.? What portion will be considered if she needs to go into a care facility. Are you prepared and able to be a FT Carer if she needs one ? Don't think the family that moved away get to have much if a say in your mother's arrangements . Let her tell them what she wants . You step back from those discussions.

Original poster
Breeabelle · 29/12/2025 20:00

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 29/12/2025 19:49

You definitely need to get the house and flat. It’s the best thing for your mum

That's genuinely what I think too. The others don't see how mum is ageing because they barely see her due to the distance from where they live. But also just wanted opinions in case what we plan to do is unfair.

OP posts:
RandomUsernameHere · 29/12/2025 19:59

Ignore your siblings, they sound horrible. It’s entirely up to your mum what she does.

Cosyblankets · 29/12/2025 19:58

Breeabelle · 29/12/2025 19:56

Well this is another big reason mum wants to sell her house now and divide out what she can because where we live, if she needed a nursing home, the government can possess her house and sell it to recoup the cost of her care but if she doesn't have any assets then they have to pay.

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Which country are you in?

Original poster
Breeabelle · 29/12/2025 19:57

Neveranynamesleft · 29/12/2025 19:45

It's your mum's money and she can do what she likes with it. Maybe nobody will get anything if she leaves the lot to charity. Money does strange things to people. Maybe everyone should sit down together and have a good old chat about it.

I hate talking about money and inheritance and I keep telling my mum that none of us kids wants anything except for happy memories with her and that she should go enjoy her life!

OP posts:
Fends · 29/12/2025 19:56

It’s not their inheritance. It’s your mums money. She’s still alive ffs. Grabby fuckers, ignore them completely

Original poster
Breeabelle · 29/12/2025 19:56

PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul · 29/12/2025 19:43

What will you do if she needs 24 hr nursing care and her home needs to be sold? If you’re only getting 10k more, is that all her flat would be worth?

Well this is another big reason mum wants to sell her house now and divide out what she can because where we live, if she needed a nursing home, the government can possess her house and sell it to recoup the cost of her care but if she doesn't have any assets then they have to pay.

OP posts:
Brideofclover · 29/12/2025 19:53

Ignore your siblings. Ultimately it is down to yourself, your DP and your mum! It sounds like a perfect solution for your mum x

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 29/12/2025 19:49

You definitely need to get the house and flat. It’s the best thing for your mum

Neveranynamesleft · 29/12/2025 19:45

It's your mum's money and she can do what she likes with it. Maybe nobody will get anything if she leaves the lot to charity. Money does strange things to people. Maybe everyone should sit down together and have a good old chat about it.

PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul · 29/12/2025 19:43

What will you do if she needs 24 hr nursing care and her home needs to be sold? If you’re only getting 10k more, is that all her flat would be worth?